I wrote an essay about school nerds vs. the “in” crowd and posted it on my blog last week. (It’s entitled, “The girl in the Jordache jeans.”)

I shudder at the nastiness I dealt the nerds before I knew better.
.-= Terresa Wellborn´s last blog…POEM: The Gift by William Stafford =-.

When you said that indifference is the most hurtful thing one human being can do to the other, I found my eyes start to well up with tears. That is so true. Because even being hated is better than being ignored… because hate is an intense emotion, like love.

GOOD FOR YOU for sticking up for Charles. Did the teacher ever respond? (Sorry- I comment-hogged again!!!)

-Jen

Here’s the update for those of you that are still wondering what happened…: I did receive an email from the teacher thanking me for alerting her. She was surprised that she didn’t know about this (the party) until my email. Today I dropped off D off at the party really late (because he had a gym meet today), and “Charles” did go but had to leave because he too had some sort of competition to attend. Perhaps I was being an ass for assuming that “Heather” came from a wealthy family, so it was a bit of a surprise when I drove into the neighborhood. (I’ll stop here) Anyway, she didn’t seem particularly snobbish or Queen Bee-ish. Her parents are nice, down-to-earth, and genuinely friendly. I found out that the girls that she’s having a sleepover with tonight are kind and smart girls that we have known since Kindergarten years. Because all these kids are going to the same middle school, I sincerely hope they will be able to positively reinforce each other.

On the other hand, no, I am not being naive: some of the really mean girls that we heard from the news stories were straight A, polite kids in front of the adults. Bullying can have real consequences in real life. Just look at what’s happening in South Hadley, MA, right now. The death of the teenage girl still haunts me after I learned of it 2 weeks ago. And the girls that drove her to suicide? Apparently still wielding power at school. It really makes my blood boil every time I check the news update on the progress…

Of course your child is free to invite anyone s/he wants to the birthday bash. But if you have means to invite EVERY child in the class except one? That makes you a jerk.
.-= TheKitchenWitch´s last blog…Neighbor Friday: Lost in Suburban Bliss =-.

But I will stop ranting now. Honest. (And I think that you are peachy, but you already knew that.)
.-= Miss B´s last blog…Shining Silver Threads =-.

I understand that you are not criticizing the email I wrote. But I feel the need to explain some more. LOL. I would have no problem if the invitations were given to a few kids. My kids were not invited to every single birthday party that they knew of. And that was OK. They were never really heart-broken or anything because they just were not close friends with the birthday kids, and they understood that. Esp. when they are older, like in the 6th grade, no way a boy is going to invite girls, or a girl, boys.

The reason why I emailed the teacher was really the fact that ONE KID was left out, and that just seemed unreasonably cruel. THIS would NOT have been solved by the invitations not being given out at school either. Kids are going to talk, and the poor kid is going to figure out: Wait. How come I was not invited when EVERYBODY ELSE was?

He already knew he’s not popular and shunned at school. This is just a mean blow. I didn’t want the teacher to force the girl to invite this person she obviously did not like to hang out with. I simply wanted the teacher to know what’s going on and to provide guidance if the boy seems out of sorts.

I also feel the pains felt by the schools/administration offices though. They probably get angry phone calls no matter what they do. Ours now disallow birthday treats brought into school. Pencils are great, they say. Well, saves me money! And I managed to talk Mr. Monk out of having a birthday party last year altogether on account of how he is not a “I am friends with everybody” person. My only wish for him, for both of my boys actually, is that he is able to find ONE good, true friend in life. I hope they also learn fast and find peace in the fact that you brought up: “You cannot make everybody like you”, and that is ok.

Let’s forget for a moment that what you choose to do at YOUR OWN HOME is none of anyone else’s business. But really — not every single kid in a classroom is going to be great friends — or even friends at all — with every other kid. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with that AT ALL. (Yes, this makes me feel very CapsLock-ish.) Now, people ought to definitely be conscious of being kind and polite to others all the time, and that’s something that those with children should teach their children — but teaching your kids that you have to pretend to be bestest friends with everyone, always, just so there is no chance of anyone feeling left out? That seems like the bullshittiest bullshit around, to me. Because not everyone is destined to be friends — and while that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still treat everyone around with kindness and respect…it does mean that you shouldn’t be obligated to spend your free time socializing with people you really don’t like all that much.

Perhaps this is coming from a place of me not having had very many friends when I was a child, and so if I did have people over, it was never more than a few, because I just didn’t get along with most people. And that was fine with me — I wouldn’t have wanted invitations to most other kids’ houses any more than I would have wanted them to come spend time at mine. So maybe I’m the exception. But still, I can’t see how it’s healthy to train small people into thinking that everyone will always like them (or at least be forced to pretend they do) because then what happens when they grow up and get into the real world and are suddenly faced with the fact that is simply is not how life works? How on earth will they be prepared to cope with _that_ if they never learned it as children?
.-= Miss B´s last blog…Shining Silver Threads =-.

I came late to the story, but thanks for giving us the happy ending.
.-= Falling´s last blog…If Only Jack Had Invoked This Rule =-.