I suspect that some of you are tired of me criticizing myself for not being a good mother. Self-deprecating humor can only go this far when you are not a stand-up comedian. I admit that it does sound like I am fishing for compliments. Or at least, some sort of desperate reach for affirmation. If these were true, or at least intentional, I would not have even brought this up to the light of day. It is easy to keep a perfect facade on the Internet; I could have simply NOT talked about my fear and insecurities.
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"I feel happy when my mom is in a good mood" Oh boy...
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Is it just me? On some days, I get so aggravated by blog posts where the parents seem so perfect: patient, wise, kind, steadfast, consistent, and… Now where is my fucking thesaurus?!… always in a good mood, with “a cheery disposition…. never be cross or cruel”, never raising their voices… Who took my BLEEP thesaurus and didn’t put it away?!
Mr. Monk once told me in amidst of sobs, after a shouting match, “I want Mary Poppins to be my mom!”
*sigh* We all do. Baby. We all do.
“Why can’t you be like the other moms?” He has said that more than once.
The other day he joked, “You don’t have enough patience and you should go buy more patience in the Patience Store!”
I hope this post helps some of you that are reading because like me, you have feared that somehow you have traumatized your child because you are not patient enough and you do raise your voice, nay, you actually do YELL. Unlike “the other” mothers…
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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
Maybe your doctor has a patience prescription.
I hope Mr. Monk has patience with mommy. Give him my address should he decide to run away. I’ll add Poppins to my name. (No flying though. With my hips, I’d require a beach umbrella, and they’re too heavy to hold in one hand. )
Shared your post with my daughters, whose mother yelled at them.
So you must have son-bearing hips lke mine.
aren’t they great for holding your baby on the side? LOL
LOL @ you sharing w your girls. XXOO
Oh, my, subWOW, this post is why I started blogging. I couldn’t stand listening to all the “if you’re angry, try talking softly so the child knows you’re serious,” or all the lame suggestions for keeping cool.
And I wasn’t even looking for affirmation that I’m doing okay, because I knew I was. I wanted other parents to comment that the little rotter needed a good yelling. I wanted some “doesn’t suck that we don’t believe in spanking, cuz that kid could use a 1950s style wallop…” I wanted “how do you do it; you’re amazing even when yelling because I would have sold him to the gypsies by now.”
For what it’s worth, I think those moms who keep their patience and parent ideally all the time are a) liars b) on medication and c) total liars. Did I mention they lie?
My most commented post is the one where I say I love my child and hate parenting. And anyone who can’t hang with that is a big ol’ medicated liar.
.-= Naptimewriting´s last blog…Bolano 2666 quote of the week (15) =-.
Reading your comment, I am going YES YES YES, channeling Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally. Yes! I love my kids and I hate parenting.
Go. RUN! And make tshirts, bumper stickers, diaper begs. I will buy it!!!
that’s the way it is in my house too: if mama ain’t happy, aint nobody happy. you’d think i terrorized them just because i’m running the show. whatevs.
.-= pattypunker´s last blog…forget the shit, meet the pugs =-.
Thank you for confirming my suspicion: I can’t be the only one!! LOL
I quit Twitter because too many of my updates would have been, “It’s been a very yelly morning.” And when I ask friends how their weekends went, many confide that their weekends were yelly. I mean, how many times today have I said, “Be nice to your sister. Leave your brother alone. If you can’t say something nice . . . .” When will the message sink in? But it doesn’t seem to sink in any better when I yell it either. So then I yell it louder.
.-= Andrea´s last blog…"Stray Cat Strut" =-.
It would be great to just make a loop on the old tapedeck and leave the house. “Please use your words. Don’t touch the trash. Please take that out of your mouth. Please wash your hands. We don’t yell in the house. We don’t throw in the house. Please give that back to him. I’m not going to mediate…you figure this one out.”
Sheesh.
.-= Naptimewriting´s last blog…Bolano 2666 quote of the week (15) =-.
People who say that they never question their parenting frighten me.
.-= Jack´s last blog…The People You Love Most =-.
I never had any kids so I yell at my dog and she pees all over the place. Do actual kids do that when you yell at them? I seem to remember that when Mom yelled at me I felt like shitting my pants, so I guess so. When you get the address for The Patience Store please email it to me before you post it because there’ll be a humongous and obviously impatient line to get in.
Perfection is overrated.
.-= Unknown Mami´s last blog…Fragmented Fridays =-.
I can promise you that you are not alone. I now I have said it before but, I can tell you a few parent stories/moments that would make you pee…Parents are not perfect. I never let good get in the way of perfect.
.-= Velva´s last blog…Fresh Lemon Sorbet =-.
Ugggg, all my kids are scarred and demented because of my sub par parenting.
Not like they weren’t riddled with problems before they arrived, because I clearly can’t be the cause of all this stuff, right?
RIGHT?
We probably do all traumatize our kids. I think of it as preparation for the real world.
.-= honeypiehorse´s last blog…What are you afraid of? =-.
I love Nap’s idea of the continuous loop of positive parenting messages. Genius!
I am a fairly shitty mother on a regular basis. My favorite people are the ones who can admit likewise.
.-= TheKitchenWitch´s last blog…A Spinach Tale =-.
I have often prefaced a story (not published on my blog but maybe I should!) with the comment, “And here’s one they’ll share with Oprah one day….” I could write a book!
.-= Jane´s last blog…Persuasive Potty Proposal for Prudence =-.
Can you pick me up some time in a bottle when you head to the store for patience? I’m gonna need a case of those bad boys.
.-= Elly Lou´s last blog…Why Weekends Make Me Tired =-.
Well, I feel a little better. I’m always sure that I’m the only crappy mom out there. Of course, my children are happy to further this idea, chipping away at any fragile self-esteem I may have built up as a parent over the last fifteen years.
.-= Linda at Bar Mitzvahzilla´s last blog…The Inedible: Five Jewish Foods To Avoid =-.
My favorite are people who are shocked by the fact that I cuss in front of my children (yeah, as if I could even possibly filter myself that well)! They are all stunned and dismayed and shit. I am just patient with them as I remind them I send my kids to public schools, where they overhear their teachers telling dirty jokes during breaks. LMAO I am not joking, some of the best jokes I have heard in the past year have been the ones my kids have told me that they heard the teachers telling. Oh yeah, I need to watch MY mouth.
As for never raising my voice. I am too busy throwing shoes to bother yelling. (okay, that was just a joke) Of course I yell, but more at inanimate objects than anything else. Please tell me I am not the only one????
.-= Wicked Shawn´s last blog…Open Letter To Rielle Hunter =-.
Oh gosh, kids really know how to push the buttons, don’t they? (“more patience at the Patience Store” . . . as if the Patience Store is ever open and has convenient parking . . .)
I made a conscious effort to not consider my kids’ opinions of my parenting at all, not until they’re grown up, having some decent values, and have perspective. And then it’s too late anyway. It’s a conflict of interest for them to have any input into what you do as a parent. Sort of like the guard asking the prisoner, should we lock your cell or just leave it open?
.-= Diane Laney Fitzpatrick´s last blog…RV Adventure Fantasies =-.
OMG – Can I high five you on this one? Too juvenile? Too difficult to do over the Internet?
But MAN can I relate. Yeah, OTHER mothers, we’re imperfect and proud of it. Take that!
.-= Justine´s last blog…Future awkward conversations with my kid =-.
Parenting is the hardest, least fun thing in the world. And if you don’t lose your cool, wow. Just wow. I’ve yelled about the stupidest things. Like shoes. I have buttons. If you push them I will want to explode. I try not to. I fail as often as I succeed.
I was raised by parents who didn’t yell. Really. My dad yelled once. It scared the heck out of me and as I grew up I had NO idea how to deal with the yelling world. So, maybe there’s an upside to having parents who raise their voice. Maybe my girls won’t be afraid to yell back when they need to.
.-= Kate´s last blog…Some days I wonder about the ‘adult’ thing. =-.