Life sometimes gets in the way in my virtual existence here as a super hot badass.
I flip the bird at the gap between reality and fantasy...
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This post is a Lazy Post where I repost funny things in one of those chain emails (Somebody loves me!)… See that shank? (Wink wink at Vapid who is a master shank artisan) Yeah. Keep it to yourself if you think THIS is my best post ever. *Glare*
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Law of Mechanical Repair -
After our hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act
Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
Law of the Alibi – If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire..
Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance.. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
The Coffee Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Physical Surfaces – The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.
Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking – A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.
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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
Law of family dinners: spend hours preparing meal which is then eaten in minutes, leaving you with double the hours of clean up.
Law of Parent Nights Out: As soon as you get a night out with no children, that involves heavy drinking or a late arrival home, your children will get ill, throw up, decide not to sleep through the night, or wake up at 5 a.m.
gigi´s last [type]…Glam Up Your Blog’s Facebook Page- KludgyMom Tutorial Part 2
*ugh* I detest the Law of Close Encounters the most!
Law of Bowling: Insist you can’t hit a pin with bumpers in the gutters and you will immediately bowl a strike.
Law of Freak-Dar: Ignore the sense you are dealing with a pervy freak and you will quickly find yourself standing next to a half-naked, married man with a sea-monkey fetish.
SisterMerryHellish´s last [type]…Believers and Clairvoyant Clients
Ha! “If the clothes fit they’re ugly.” SO true! Or they cost too much.
Diane Laney Fitzpatrick´s last [type]…My Mom and Willie Nelson
Yes. It’s like there is a conspiracy! And they know we HAVE to pay, so why not.
Are you trying to tell me the clothes that fit me are ugly? I knew it!
Unknown Mami´s last [type]…Sundays In My City
M’lady, ANY maternity clothes that fit us make us look GORGEOUS!
Law of the anticipated hot sex over the weekend – you will feel bloated and farty.
Wendy’s Law of Blogging:
The minute one sits down at the computer with a great idea, a fight or loud music will break out, and drive said idea straight out of one’s head!
Thanks, Lin, for my morning giggle! I just read a really, heavy post on another blog that depressed the hell out of me…I needed yours! Off to write my entry for today…
Hugs,
Wendy
writerwoman61´s last [type]…Dear Earl…
I am so diggin’ the Scott Pilgrim visual aid.
Law of Holiday Weekends- Every single plan you made will be somehow distorted and contorted into a half plan, upon which you decide to merely open a bottle of liquor and stay fairly well sauced until Monday morning. Oh wait, that isn’t the law of holiday weekends, that is simply what I did this weekend. Ooops!
Wicked Shawn´s last [type]…I Don’t Remember How This Thing Got In My Throat…
Lady Shawn, DO share your avatar when you are done playing with it!
http://www.scottpilgrimthemovie.com/avatarCreator/
Law of IT – you call your web host to bitch your site isn’t loading, having to hold for thirty plus minutes while they connect you to someone in India, and the second the hold music stops and a person gets on the line, your site magically works again.
Elly Lou´s last [type]…Vagina First
I love those – all true.
secret agent woman´s last [type]…Time to go back on the run
Law of Dating – Just when you decide (on the first outing) that he will never be more than a friend, you find yourself surrounded by very hot, very eligible, very wealthy bachelors. But the “date”, who senses your interest in the others, starts ‘marking his territory’ so that when you go back another time by yourself, the hot men will think/remember you’re with that controlling dork who came with you last time.
That was my weekend. I almost never meet hot, eligible single men and I almost never had a date. Figures that the two would happen at the same time, but not be the same ONE.
Kernut the Blond´s last [type]…Capitola Begonia Festival is Live Blogging FAIL 2
I am trying to think of something clever to add. It’s not working. Darn it.
Life with Kaishon´s last [type]…What did we do today
YOU CAN DO IT!
Dear All, you are all so awesome! I am going to post a sequel with all the NEW rules that you were kind enough to share through your comments.
I would also recommend going to http://www.scottpilgrimthemovie.com/avatarCreator/ to create an avatar for your cool, asskicking, self! If you send it to me, I will post it too. That sounds like a cool avatar party!!!
Keep the new rules coming. I will post them soon! Lurv you.