1. Buying a duvet cover in DEEP RED rather than white like those nice glistening duvet covers in hotels
Around 1 am today, as I was wrapping up my work and was looking forward to hitting my head against that pillow, I heard my 9-year-old boy make a familiar sound. A sound from the past. A sound I have forgotten. A sound that makes every mother’s heart skip a beat while screaming “OMFG Not again?!” inside. I rushed upstairs and confirmed my worst fear.
He looked like this.
The green plants covering his entire upper body, shoulders, back, neck and cheeks would be regurgitated broccoli.
And the green swamp would be my bed.
And like the Swamp Thing, Mr. Monk has left a trail of bits and pieces of his green self as he moved about.
2. Agreeing to settle for the fake, and cheaper, down comforter that The Husband found at an outlet. Can we all cheer for the words “machine wash” on the tag?
Broccoli. Mr. Monk had eaten a whole bowl of broccoli for dinner. And cupcakes with blue frosting. And chicken. I was able to remember the dinner menu while surveying the aftermath. It’s amazing how the frosting retained its neon blue color.
3. Deciding to leave the plastic cover over my bed long after the kids had stopped wetting the bed. Deep down I know it’s because I was too lazy to do anything about it. Laziness pays off sometimes, just remember to pass it off as being laid-back, or zen-ish.
Otherwise there would be no trash bag big enough to toss my memory foam bed into it the way I was forced to toss my memory foam pillow into a trash bag and sealed it with a hazardous material sticker.
4. Buying the Christmas Tree bedsheet set on massive sale from a website that is not Pottery Barn.
I followed my first instinct, crumpled up the bedsheet and tossed it into a trash bag. I am sitting here right now staring at it, trying to decide how awful it would be if I simply throw it away so I do not have to deal with the swamp within.
Since I only paid $20 for the fitted sheet, I now have the liberty to even ponder this. If it were one of those $300 Pottery Barn gilded* bedsheets, I’d be crying right now.
5. (The credit should go to The Husband for this one) Buying new washer and dryer for me even though I strongly dislike receiving appliances as gifts. Don’t try to kill two birds with one vacuum cleaner, just sayin’ man. You would not like to receive an iron, do you? But tonight? Hallelujah for FRONT LOADING, baby!**
My 9-year-old. Before he turns into the Swamp Thing.
This is why instead of having my head firmly on my pillow, I am listening to Maroon 5 on Spotify while laundering the duvet cover, bed cover, comforter, towels and pillow cases in the comfort of my own home.
6. Starting my blog many moons ago.
Minor disasters and mishaps in life seem so much more tolerable, even humorous, now that I can see all of them as potential blogging fodders. “Oh, I am picking up regurgitated brocoli at 2 in the morning. How funny!” Standing from outside looking in. Everything seems hilarious as if I were watching a sitcom based on my own life.
So. This is my Monday morning. How has your Monday been so far?
* For the price they are asking for, I simply assume their sheets are gilded.
** Is it just me or does this somehow sound dirty to anybody else?
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
I may never eat broccoli again.
Sorry! I guess my blog is some sort of anti-blog. I talk about things that repel and not attract. DOH!
Blogs treat so many ills. Let us count the ways.
My boy had one symptom to cover all problems. Anxious? Throw up. Bee sting? Throw up. Broken bone? Throw up. Puberty cured it and I’d have welcomed that if it hadn’t brought so much other baggage with it.
Joyeux Noël, Sugar Pop, to you and your men!
Nance´s last [type]…The Mouse And The Moonbeam
I am surprised that you did not make him wear a bucket permanently around his neck!
Pottery Barn is for rich people without kids or pets. I mean why do you care how the bedroom looks? Are you entertaining company in there? If so, I’m guessing your tastes in bedding is the least of their concerns.
One of our pups has recently decided that chewing holes in the bed sheets and comforter is great fun. Now most of our sheets have holes, and we have given up on buying a new comforter, and instead are using the old blankets that we use for picnicking. As I said to Mrs. 20 Prospect a few weeks back as we climbed into bed. “Do you think there will ever come a point where our bed will stop looking like we are out camping?”
Tom G.´s last [type]…Mystery, Minnesota
LOL. I typed Hottie and Auto Correct changed it to Hogtie. They must use Pottery Barn bedsheets.
We have the same philosophy for carpets and we don’t even have a pet!
I agree that the blogging community helps us all collectively feel like we are sane on a crazy day!
Meg at the Members Lounge´s last [type]…I Can’t Help Myself Friday. All Christmas, All the Time.
Exactly. All these people cannot be all crazy, right?! Right? …. right?
I can remember as if it were yesterday…The youngest coming to my room to inform me that he was going to be sick….And proceeded to vomit all over me, and my sheets. Did I mention that child vomit is hot (I am being gross). The difference? No front loader. God Bless front loaders.
My Monday is crazy hectic but, I think its a permanent condition.
Merry Christmas to you.
Velva´s last [type]…Garden Kohlrabi and Shredded Carrot Salad
I actually went to a laundromat today thinking that my washer is not big enough. The “fake” down comforter is HEAVY and HUGE. The place looked ugh… ugh… Mission aborted long story short. I just shoved the whole thing into my washer and it’s still moving, so I am guessing I did not break it.
So sorry what happened to you. Traumatic I bet. I am making Mr. Monk sleep on top of towels today!
Merry Christmas to you and Happy New Year!!!
I am about to throw up on my own comfortor because WordPress won’t let me comment on anyone’s blog.
Life in the Boomer Lane´s last [type]…A Life Before Dying
No!! Don’t throw up!!! It went into my pending queue. Kind of strange tho since you are not a new visitor and it should have automatically approved this…
For some reason, now when I put the email address for my WP acct, they recognize me, but they don’t let my comment go through. If I put in another email address (the one for my real estate business), my comment goes through but it goes through as some strange, new person who looks like a purple checkerboard. OK, whatever. I embrace technology.
Life in the Boomer Lane´s last [type]…A Life Before Dying
But… but… that’s a pretty checkerboard!
Front-loading sounds totally dirty–in an effort-to-be-clean kind of way. Happy Holidays, my friend!
Kathy
Kathy´s last [type]…10 Steps to Holiday Ecology: Gift-Wrapping with “Trash”
Dearest Kathy, I got you to say naughty things. LOL.
Oh dear, Lin…hope Mr. Monk is feeling better soon! I remember my oldest throwing up after eating blueberries…I thought she was hemorrhaging!
Blogging is wonderful therapy, isn’t it? It’s saved my sanity on more than one occasion…
Hope you have a wonderful barf-free Christmas!
Hugs,
Wendy
writerwoman61´s last [type]…‘Twas The Sunday Before Christmas*…
Barf free yes! The only barf should come from me from drinking and making merry too much! lol
Broccoli barf as blog fodder. Ahh, the joys of blogging.
Unknown Mami´s last [type]…Have a Chicano Christmas
When life hands you lemons…
My monday… uh,,, u don’t even remember what day is it today… but l do remember broccoli is sooo smelly! At least on my kids
vanilla north´s last [type]…Cat laws (from onlyoddduck)
Is that a good or bad thing?
I mean not knowing which day it is. LOL
My kids love our front loading washer. They call it their favorite show. Wish there were a little light in the washer like the one in the oven so they could really see what was going on in there.
Sharyn (fka FeeFiFoto)´s last [type]…Once In A While I Keep My Mouth Shut In Hopes Of Accumulating Blog Material
Yes, I thought about the light too! And my 9-year-old boy loves sitting in front of the oven watching the cookies bake. Speaking of that, I guess I should clean up the oven door…
Thank you so much for visiting and commenting!
Better than yours, apparently!I definitely put inexpensive bedding on the kids’ beds, and in dark colors. My own bed, which they do not sleep in, has the white sheets, down comforter and duvet cover. Added bonus: they can be bleached.
secret agent woman´s last [type]…Out and about.
Yes yes yes Bleachability is definitely why hotels use white towels, white bedsheets, etc.