Many of us have seen Chris Rock’s standup routine on gun control, or as he called it “Bullet Control”, either on YouTube or in the movie Bowling for Columbine.
In the wake of the shooting in Arizona, there is a heated discussion surrounding the fact that 1) the gunman fired off a large capacity magazine with 30 bullets within seconds and ended up killing 6 people and wounding 14 (He was subdued when he paused to reload), and 2) the federal law that would have banned assault weapons and gun magazines that can hold more than 10 bullets expired in 2004 because the congress failed to renew it.
It just seems so poignant right now. From the mouth of a comedian.
(The transcript of Chris Rock’s routine is after the jump in case you cannot watch the video because 1) your phone sucks like mine, 2) you are being productive)
And everybody’s talking about gun control. “Got to get rid of the guns.”
Fuck that. l like guns.
You got a gun, you don’t have to work out.
l ain’t working out. l ain’t jogging. You got pecs, l got Tecs.
Fuck that shit.
You don’t need no gun control.
You know what you need? We need some bullet control.
Man, we need to control the bullets, that’s right.
l think all bullets should cost 5000 dollars.
5000 dollars for a bullet. You know why?
‘Cause if a bullet costs 5000 dollars, there’d be no more innocent bystanders.
That’d be it.
Every time somebody gets shot, people will be like,
“Damn, he must have did something.”
“Shit, they put 50,000 dollars worth of bullets in his ass.”
And people would think before they killed somebody, if a bullet cost 5000 dollars.
“Man, l would blow your fucking head off, if l could afford it.”
“l’m gonna get me another job, l’m gonna start saving some money… and you’re a dead man.”
“You better hope l can’t get no bullets on layaway.”
So even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you won’t have to go to no doctor to get it taken out: whoever shot you would take their bullet back.
“l believe you got my property?!”