WTF Wednesday? Duh. Winning!

77 Replies

This is a cheap shot and oh so predictable. But I need to pay homage to the latest Interweb sensation and not only an awesome Internet meme in the making but a generous provider of meme material.

Yes, my friend. I am talking about Charlie Sheen. My apology indeed. I know most of you are tired of hearing/reading about Sheen’s latest antics by now, but allow me to have some fun.

For two days now my co-worker and I have been saying,

Duh. WINNING!

to each other when something, um, AWESOME, happened at work, i.e. we have been saying this to each other or playing the sound wav. file a lot.

 

 

Many of you would argue that this man is far gone, that he needs immediate medical assistance. But I read the highlights of his rants and I cannot help but be impressed by his creativity and command of metaphors:

What they’re not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people. See where that goes.

I’m freakin’ bayonets. I’m battle-tested bayonets, bro.

I’m an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordnance to the ground.

I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words — imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.

These insults are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my sabre.

… People that don’t have tiger blood, you know, Adonis DNA.

I’m extremely old-fashioned, I’m a nobleman, I’m chivalrous. I believe that chivalry is not dead, it’s just been in a coma for a while.

I’m sorry, man, I got magic, and I’ve got poetry in my fingertips.

 

And yes, you have all heard this golden nugget:

I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.

 

And seriously, these gems, if they had not been spoken by Sheen, would have been on a t-shirt or coffee mug somewhere:

Can’t is the cancer of happen.

Dying is for amateurs.

 

There is something to be said about this unabashed optimistic confident outlook on one’s own life and oneself.

I am not bi-polar. I am bi-winning.

I cured it with my brain, with my mind.

The only thing I’m addicted to is winning.

 

To be 100% honest, once in a while, I’d like to be able to say something like this without any trace of irony in my heart:

I’m tired of pretending like I’m not special. I’m tired of pretending like I’m not bitchin’, a total frickin’ rock star from Mars.

 

Ok, so at the end of the day, I guess the above serves as further proof he’s manic–depressive. However it turns out, I am going to be WINNING-ing in the office in the near future. Beats the Sad Trombone that we have been routinely using.

Duh. WINNING!

 

p.s. You can generate your own Winning rant with the Stark Raving Mad Libs (which I found through The Bloggess). Here is mine.

p.s.s. I found many applications for this new Internet Meme of WINNING: for instance, I used it this morning when I found the parking spot right next to the train station entrance empty even though I got there late. It could also be used sardonically to explain what some people were thinking when they said something that made everybody else go “What what?!”

 

This could be used to explain what these people were thinking when they said something that made everybody else go "What what?!"

 

Double L for Loser

 

p.p.p.s. You know who gets to say WINNING for realz? Robert Downey Jr. That’s who.

The REAL Comeback kid from drug rehabs and embarrassing arrests

 

77 thoughts on “WTF Wednesday? Duh. Winning!”

  1. Sandra

    Right? Right? I’m so glad somebody saw this too! I’ve been thinking that the guy is a fricken genius. Sadly his above average IQ is being used for eveil as opposed to good, but I really do think he is extremely intelligent. Who comes up with those one-liners without a script…really, who? Who?
    Sandra recently posted…I am sad Should I blogMy Profile

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Thank you for visiting and commenting! Indeed. I am very bad at ad lib and therefore I have utmost admiration for people who can truly stand up and deliver (a speech albeit how meaningless it may be…)

      p.s. Love the logo for your blog. Truly LOL-worthy.

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  5. Jack

    I want to smack his winning face with my fist two or three times and see what happens. Dude needs a reality check in ways that haven’t been described. Damn his stupid Warlock, Vatican Assassin ass and the media’s incessant chirping about it.

    Not upset with you for writing about this at all, but ABC and the rest of them can bite me.

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  6. Kernut the Blond

    I have to agree – he is highly articulate and intelligent for someone who’s losing it. I also think he needs help, but in all honesty I think he seems less far gone than Tom Cruise did on his little rants about how he’s saving the world as a Scientologist.
    Kernut the Blond recently posted…Time To Light A MatchcomMy Profile

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  11. The Sweetest

    Robert DJ is the man. The shit. I don’t even care that I, at five foot three in certain shoes, might be taller than he is. He. Is. Da. Bomb.
    Charlie, on the other hand? Shwew! Those were some serious delusions of grandeur. I think self medicating is no longer gonna cut it for him.
    The Sweetest recently posted…Speaking Of Boobies…My Profile

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  12. Nance

    Robert Downey. With a spoon. Any day.

    Want your mind blown? Get your hands on the movie, “Fur.”

    Otherwise, the Charlies have sat in my office and ranted on to me, cussed me out, sliced and diced the universe in that weird word salad only bipolars can put out. Those experiences made me the woman I am today…so frickin’ relieved to be retired.
    Nance recently posted…Hens Tooth TeaserMy Profile

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Darn. I always thought I might be bi-polar. But since I do not have the ability to deliver a word salad even if I want to, I guess I am not after all. So what’s up with all this up and down??!! Is really just PMS? Sigh. So less romantic and artistic…

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  14. pattypunker

    omg this post is the one i wanted to write this week but i didn’t have the time to comb through all of the charlie sheen videos. i’m so with you – i think he is actually enlightened. in addition to all of the nuggets you listed, one of my faves was when he was describing what a rock star he was when it came to partying:
    “makes all of them look like droopy-eyed armless children”

    now i’m not down with beating prostitutes or dissing your family, but i do admire his bravery, honesty, and individuality. he is not the first artist to be a ranting genius. and whether it comes by way of mental illness, luck or being a good study, it’s nearly impossible to deny his talent. (i’ve never seen two and a half men, so i won’t weigh in on his actual talent, but a long-airing show and ginormous salary says something). i wish i had half of his creativity and command of the language. let’s hope spring fires some mania in me; i need a personal revival.
    pattypunker recently posted…gadonk a donk donkMy Profile

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  18. Justine

    I have to admit: I finally watched the Sheen interview last night, wondering what the buzz was all about since I usually live under a rock. I was rather resentful that the media is making me care about something/one to whom I otherwise would not give a moment’s thought. Now I see what the fuss is all about, and yes, he’s a whack job. But there are so many of those who used to live on the same street I did in my first apartment in the city but they never got a TV interview. It’s good to be a celebrity I guess. Or is it?
    Justine recently posted…SunriseMy Profile

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  19. Zilla

    I escaped yesterday after drinking a bottle of champagne and a bunch of beers with my buddy.
    ummmmm…….
    WINNING

    (swings tail, rubs belly, and settles into this comment section for a little relaxation and good laughs)

    mwhahahahahaha
    Zilla recently posted…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMy Profile

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      We are still saying WINNING to each other today. I wonder when it’s going to get old. Probably not. We need all the things we could find to entertain ourselves in the office. LOL

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      I know that you feel bittersweet about leaving Haiti. But I am glad that you will continue your blog and even more so that you’ll take it into a different, more personal, direction.

      p.s. Hope you’re not offended by all these talks and misappropriation of bipolar disorders!

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Thank you for the compliment! I just imbibed some tiger blood so my skin is now thick enough to take it and yell WINNNING!

      Seriously though, I wonder when people are going to say enough Winning is enough…

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      1. kathcom

        I wonder how many of his fans will be disappointed if he manages to sober up. They’re projecting their own champagne wishes and porn star dreams onto him, in my opinion. The man seems desperately alone in the midst of millions of Twitter followers. If he dies, he’ll be memorialized and toasted by drunken half-wits. Then everyone else will move on and Charlie will still be dead.
        kathcom recently posted…Charlie Sheen Hates Guayaberas but Loves CubanMy Profile

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        1. Absence Alternatives Post author

          You hit the nail: he is leading a very lonely existence. But for a megalomaniac which I assume he is he’s probably not self-reflective enough to care, well, probably not until it’s too late. All in all, it’s sad for his family.

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      I would like a full recap of your day at work today as you live Charlie Sheen. 🙂

      WINNING.

      Getting on the plane again this morning. Winning indeed. ugh. Well, at least there is a chance I get to go to bed early finally.

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  26. Ferd

    LOVED it!
    Especially the ending with RD Jr. The man is the rare celebrity who turned it around and came out a better man!
    Can’t wait to use “Duh. Winning!” I have to practice my hand gestures and furrowed brow in the mirror, when no one is looking of course!

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  27. meleah rebeccah

    *came here through Tribal Blogs*

    Oh this is so difficult! One side of me is SO sad for him, his family, his father, his children, and all of the employees that lost their jobs as a result of his actions. But the other side of me, cannot stop laughing at these quotes!

    And you’re right. The REAL winner is Robert Downey Jr. *swoon*

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  28. Andrea

    LOVE LOVE LOVE that Robert Downey Jr. You’re right, he is so winning for realz. Do you think he goes by “Bob”? That would help me enormously. 😉

    But . . . I also love the “I’ve got poetry in my fingertips” comment. That rocks. Maybe more from someone who is emotionally stable, but still.
    Andrea recently posted…Pumped Up KicksMy Profile

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Dude, you can’t have anyone you want. You just said you wanted Paula Deen…. Oh, right, you are highly hormonal right now. of course sweetie, you CAN have anyone you want. Sorry, Andrea. You COULD get pregnant and then you CAN call Robert D Jr. Bob.

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  32. Tom G.

    You are a BLOGSTAR from Mars by way of Taiwan! I can feel the tigerblood surging in your supernova of awesome as you pound out posts with fire breathing fists of fury. Winning Indeed!

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Wow. Did you pound this out with fireworks blasting from your finger tips on your Android???!!!

      Your version of Tiger Blood is so awesome that they bottle it up and call it Tiger Balm.

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Robert Downey Jr. is a great actor. Lindsay Lohan can really act. I am not so sure about Sheen. But his dad is the best TV/movie president ever. At any rate, I hope he has the luck and will power to come back.

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  36. dufmanno

    Fists of fire! Blood of tigers! Lives in an octagon!!!
    I’m am going to declare myself a disciple of Winning and go along for the ride.
    Not really sure if he’s having a pure Andy KAufman moment of undiluted genius or a manic episode but either way the guy is on to something.
    dufmanno recently posted…Room With a ThemeMy Profile

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