My blogging friend Nance over at Mature Landscaping posted about the new issue of Time Magazine with a cover story titled:
“The Upside Of Being An Introvert (And Why Extroverts Are Overrated).”
Oh yeah. Oh yeah. It’s about time!
I have written about Introverts, or rather, the misunderstanding, mishandling, and under-appreciation of this group of people in the past. Ok, I ranted with foams at the corners of my mouth. I LOVE this paragraph below and will quote it again, and again, whenever I have a chance:
The American dream is to be extraverted. We want our children to be “people who need people.” We want them to have lots of friends, to like parties, to prefer to play outside with their buddies rather than retire with a good book, to make friends easily, to greet new experiences enthusiastically, to be good risk-takers, to be open about their feelings, to be trusting. We regard anyone who doesn’t fit this pattern with some concern. We call them “withdrawn,” “aloof,” “shy,” “secretive,” and “loners.” These pejorative terms show the extent to which we misunderstand introverts…
Introverts need to learn about the positive benefits of their personality type. They need to be taught that reflection is a good quality…
The time has come to respect the introverts in our families and classrooms, and the hidden introvert in ourselves.
Source (1999)
This was written in 1999. It is now 2012. About time that a major publication such as the venerable Time rights the wrong, sets the record straight.
I was ready to take out my credit card in order to walk through that pay wall Time.com cleverly set up so I could read the said cover story.
Then I took a good look at the cover Time has chosen for this issue.
No. No. No. No. No.
Introversion does not equal shyness.
Introverts are not necessarily shy. In fact, psychologists have been warning adults from labeling children “shy” if they seem reserved. This will only create a self-fulfilling prophesy. This is ironic since Susan Cain, whose book Quiet this Time article was based on, wrote an article titled “Don’t call introverted children shy” published by Time Online at the same time. She specifically addressed this common mistake of confusing introversion with shyness:
Shyness and introversion are not the same thing. Shy people fear negative judgment, while introverts simply prefer less stimulation; shyness is inherently painful, and introversion is not. But in a society that prizes the bold and the outspoken, both are perceived as disadvantages.
Though I along with many others are excited that the undue attention paid to the extroverts in this country is finally being brought to light by such a widely-read magazine, I believe this cover is doing a lot of people, esp. children a disservice by reinforcing a misconception.
And, that’s what I have been doing these past two nights. I tweeted, I Facebooked, I google+’ed. I could not let it go.
So here it is. A Facebook page for Introverts are not shy.
LIKE the page if you agree! Chances are nothing will get changed. I don’t have the self-grandiose illusion of this starting a movement. BUT, it certainly makes me feel better tonight.
And I am going to bed.
p.s. Now it’s two days later. Still cannot let it go. I added a Google Plus page for good measure.
Thanks for the link, Lin.
Susan Cain in Quiet, points out that there are poised introverts with well-developed social skills who are able to perform superbly. At the end of the performance, they prefer to re-charge in solitude. I would submit that the development of poise requires a degree of self-possession and self-control that requires time for self-referencing and solitude.
Personally, I grew up to public speaking and, at a modest level, to performance. As long as the task is clear and the role is socially acceptable, I can handle it fine…even if it involves spandex and a cordless mic. And no one who has ever met me would think me anything other than an introvert.
Nance recently posted…We’re Cool Like That
I envy your ability to speak publicly. I think I am the opposite: I wonder whether I am an extrovert who cannot speak in public and yet who cannot STFU in private?
You guys are so awesome!!! Thank you for LIKING the Facebook page “Introverts are not shy”.
I also created a google+ page “Introverts are not shy” just to cover all bases.
https://plus.google.com/u/1/b/101260130344819669251/101260130344819669251/posts
Do you want to hear something fairly sad?
No?
I’ll tell you anyway.
When my middle son was small he was blissfully unaware of what I mistakenly determined were “issues” with his introverted nature.
He was strong, smart and capable but I still pushed him socially for fear of what might be waiting for him down the line.
Things have evened out in this, his eleventh year but I wonder why I felt so compelled to change what seemed to come so naturally for him.
You may revoke my good parent badge now.
I have never had a good parent badge. Did not even know there is one!
I confess: I was the same with my youngest. Actually, we talk over him all the time. He’s always complaining that nobody ever listens to him (because it takes a lot longer for him to finish a sentence…) So I told him what one commenter said on my older post, “Good luck getting the extroverts to shut up so the introverts can be heard.” He now invokes that comment when we all start cutting him off…
You are compelled to change him because you love him. I am not saying that is the right thing to do. I am the same. So guilty also. But our motivation is out of love. We want to make sure that they are tough enough to face the “real” world, the corporate rat race, to be able to get ahead in life.
I don’t want to sound like a rabid fan, but I can see how Susan Cain’s book will help remind me to just relax and let him be. I am enjoying reading that book. Well, reading when I am not goofing off on G+, trying to crack that nut.
I’m appalled by the lack of forethought put into the cover. Did the cover designers at Time not work with or evn flip through the article at all before the final design? Did the author have no say or input? Is there no collaboration over there?
This is an atrocious example of 2 steps forward, 3 steps back.
Epic Fail on their part.
Wicked Shawn recently posted…A New Understanding of 20 Somethings
2 steps forward, 3 steps back.
I like that!
I have something to say about this. I love people. I can talk to anyone about anything (OK, not science or technology or religion). BUT, I am an introvert. I am simply a very social introvert. But my humor, my empathy for others, my perception, my writing ability, my creative intelligence, comes from my ability to absorb the world on a one-on-one basis, meaning the internal me and the world. Hurray for you. Introverts unite.
Life in the Boomer Lane recently posted…How to Be An 80-Year-Old Pole Dancer
Me too!!! Like Steve Martin!
Here is a reviewer on Amazon talking about introverts like us.
https://plus.google.com/u/1/b/101260130344819669251/101260130344819669251/posts/aVmQFYbsHn5
Amen!
Introverts are the world’s real movers and shakers.
Hugs,
Kathy
Kathy recently posted…On Miss Peach and Perfect Penmanship: Memory Glinting in the Glass
I am hoping that enough discussions would be started and by the time my youngest enters the “real world”, the world would be ready for his brilliance.
I should read that story to my son. I think he just might appreciate it.
Jack@TheJackB recently posted…What Is A Person Worth.
I think he will. And if you think your son is one of the obvious introverts, you may want to check out Susan Cain’s book. I am reading it now and I really love how she starts out by setting the historical context of the shift in attitudes in this country.
I have shared some paragraphs/quotes from her book here:
https://plus.google.com/u/1/b/101260130344819669251/101260130344819669251/posts
Will continue to highlight and share (from Kindle. I love that feature!) and post on G+
As a high school teacher (and an introvert), I love my classes where I have more introverted students. Shy students are tough to pull out, but introverts are thoughtful and insightful. I have one class full of extroverts this trimester, and they make me question my career choice every day.
Andrea recently posted…"Bullet With Butterfly Wings"
Oh love you! Most teachers I know love the chatty ones better because it is easier to draw them out into classroom participation, and ignore the quiet, “shy” ones. Maybe there is a difference between grade schools and highschools?
You speak my language.
there is a website I just found. A 17 yr old girl, The Shyness Project. I actually think she’s just socially apprehensive and quiet.
Anyway: it’s been recognized by Gretchen Rubin. What this young girl has done is spend a year “re doing” who she is. Every day seh does something that makes her uncomfortable and puts herself out there.
What has she learned in a year? In her words, ” I am an introverted person who has learned to do extroverted things. I’m still shy inside, but now I do things that are considered extraverted.”
You can’t change a tiger’s stripes.
And, yes, people give us hell for being introverts.
BUT what if you are re energized and inspired by time alone? What if you like to do the listening and the introspection? What if you’re the kind that enjoys being the audience?
We can’t all be the Jim Carrey in the room.
xo
LOVE YOUR BLOG.
Alexandra recently posted…One Of The First
Wow. That’s amazing what she has done. I am paralyzed by such fears. I love those words by her. Exactly!
I am a different kind of introvert though I think. I am closer to Steve Martin…
On shyness: Those of us who aren’t shy also also fear negative judgment. I often did my own publicity to spread what I wanted the message of me to be. If I told you that I Am SuperFresh Beyond Belief™, perhaps you’d believe me. Maybe you wouldn’t notice that I was scared of you. Maybe you wouldn’t question what’s behind the bluster.
I did this for years to overcompensate for deep, deep insecurity. People never knew how low my self-esteem was because I was loud enough that they could hear it was hollow. I wasn’t a bully, but I wore the mask of confidence.
Since I’ve worked on my own esteem, I say a lot less in public. I have a lot less networking to do. It’s so much less work I can’t even tell you. For this introverted extrovert (right on the line), it’s a relief.
Seer McRicketts-McGee recently posted…Rabbit Rabbit! Good luck for February
I am absolutely 100% “negative judgement averse”. It’s what’s holding me back in life. But how many people really go through life can truly say that they don’t care about negative judgement? Psychopath maybe? lol