Remember Showgirls? Nomi says you’ve got to put this flag up and see who salutes

27 Replies

Boing! <– warning: NSFW

Whoa, mama!

Now I’ve got your attention. This proves that if put in the right context with the right mood implied, ANYTHING you say can be interpreted with a naughty bend. But first, a warning.

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That being said, like a good strip tease, I am going to start with something wholesome… See? Pink roses and fancy china and proper tea time.

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Big Little Wolf over at Big Little Wolf’s Daily Plate of Crazy passed this award to me… this September… Ugh… I did mention before that I am in a P.A. (Procrastinator Anonymous) program right? Thank you for the award. I really appreciate it!

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Next up is an intriguing award from Wendy at Herding Cats in Hammond River. It is British with a distinct British word and should be savored properly in Queen’s English. Since I do have a British-accent-fetish, I enjoy looking in the mirror and saying, “You are bloody brilliant!” and also “Blimey! It is almost 4 months since you’ve received this award. You are a rotten wanker indeed!” Thank you, Wendy!

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Yeah yeah yeah. You are thinking, “Well, one BLOODY does not NC-17 make. It won’t even get you bleeped!” Be patient my lad. Now here come the awards by Rabbit aka Micael over at The [Long] Journey [to the Middle].
Rabbit said to take one or all. I couldn’t choose so I took all three. I am NOT being greedy just indecisive…

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This one is rated PG…

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This is all a big tease, isn’t it? Not so… Quick! Earmuffs!

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This award is NOT censored on my blog and it is still fucking awesome!

But wait, there is MORE!

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Are you ready for this? I simply HAD to share this award with you because I do like me some good licking and besides, Nomi says so…

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So step right up! All of you. Please. Because a 10-inch dick is simply too fucking awesome to not be passed around!

AND I would like to give this award back to Micael because he totally deserves it — I hope I just succeeded in finding a loophole for a blogger to accept and display an award that they created…

I know what you are thinking. You are going to be coy. You are going to be humble. I understand. I’d behave the same way if suddenly  a 10-inch-dick award were to be thrust in front of my face.

How about this: How about if we do this for charity? For anybody that brings Nomi home to their blog, a dollar will go to The Global Fund, and another dollar will go to The Trevor Project.*

Do it for Nomi. Do it for the children. And do it, for goodness sake, for the Great 10-inch Dick!

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* Disclaimer 1: I am NO saint. This is in our annual household budget anyway. I know it is uncouth to talk about one’s own charity giving; on the other hand, I do not want to be disingenuous and pretend that I am doing anything extra.

* Disclaimer of the Disclaimer: In the unlikely event that more than the usual number of people come by my blog (Unlikely because Thanksgiving is over and people have stopped searching for turkey and landing here), there IS a certain cap to the Bring Nomi Home campaign. I hope you understand.

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Linlah @ Corn-Bean brought Nomi home and had a great time with her on the stripper pole. I know you want to do it too!

Micael @ The (Long) Journey (to the Middle), Nomi’s creator, was reunited with Nomi on his side bar (Ok. This sounds disturbing for some reason… But it is really all legit…)

Holly aka Midwestern Mamah @ ARE YOU SERIOUS? (yes, it has got to be all CAPS. That’s how I hear it every time I visit her blog…) has put up Nomi right in her living room. Nothing speaks of holiday cheer than a show girl licking the stripper pole.

Wicked Shawn @ Wicked Girls Think It, Do You? (yes, I do I do!) had some technical difficulty at her house so they ended up doing it on the beach. (By doing it, I meant the PARTY. What?)

“Duff Diddy” @ Dufmanno’s Blog (yeah, I have no idea what Dufmmano means either. Go ask her yourself!) needs a 10-inch dick to complete her fancy tea party and we sent Nomi over to deliver the award. I haven’t heard back from Nomi yet. I guess the tea went long. *wink wink*

The Peach @ Being Peachy is being a peach by setting up Nomi in a gorgeous trailer complete with jacuzzi, heart-shaped bed that vibrates with an overhead mirror. And her own personal bejeweled stripper pole! What’s more: Peach produced TWO 5-inch dicks so they could both have a good time. Nicely done, m’lady. That’s what friends are for…

27 thoughts on “Remember Showgirls? Nomi says you’ve got to put this flag up and see who salutes”

  1. SemiTrueToryStellar

    Congratulations on your 10 inch dick award. Nothing like a large shiny dick to make a girl feel happy. For the record I’m so very jealous, maybe one day I will be the fortunate recipient of this grand award.

    I would love to follow you but I’m a bit of a technotard and can’t figure out how.

    Reply ↓
  4. ThePittsofBeingPeachy

    oh ok, so I give a granny panties award and holly gives a dildo award and you give a 10 inch dick, well I’ll be if that aint stackin the deck. I love it and obviously you.. WTG. Also If I could have a 5 inch dick twice that would be fine with me.. I don’t need any issue with my gyno
    ThePittsofBeingPeachy recently posted…A year in the shitter !My Profile

    Reply ↓
  6. dufmanno

    Wait, what is even going on here? I heard there was a tea party so I put on my pink outfit and ran over with muffins but now I see I was dressed totally wrong.
    A big ten inch penis met me at the door dressed in a gold tuxedo and when I asked him what was going on he handed me a cowboy hat and a diamond studded bra and told me to “giddy up”.
    I wish I could get sexy awards like these. Everyone has pretty much concluded that I’m too weird so I guess I’ll be satisfied with my “unhinged freak” moniker.
    dufmanno recently posted…This Morning I Found a Small Glass Disc in My Ovaltine and Other Assorted Horror StoriesMy Profile

    Reply ↓
    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Thank you. It is ok. I know a lot of bloggers intentionally not wanting to do the award thing. But I hope you know that if you WERE into the award thing, there would be a 10-inch dick waiting for you here. Actually, there is never a 10-inch dick is there? There is just Nomi and the stripper pole. I haven’t really thought out this thing I guess… DOH!

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Ding ding ding ding ding! And we have our first winner! Yeah!

      And seriously, you did not need to add “charity”! I only said that to “coerce” “guilt trip” people into feeling less coy about taking what is rightfully theirs. And ma’am, your blog deserves this award. Now go get rid of that word please!

      Reply ↓

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