or maybe this is not such a good advice.
Sigh. I have had a draft of this post for a couple of days now. I was going to write about how we should all let our hair down, show our true colors, and let our freak flags fly high. Way high.
To mix the cliches, we should fly that flag up and see who salutes.
I am too old, and life is too short, for all this shit of trying to fit in.
I was going to write about in the past two weeks, I had been under the duress of performance reviews (Oh, I absolutely hate writing self assessment and writing reviews for the others stressed me out to now end. I’d rather drink milk. Ok, maybe not. But you know what I mean. Maybe you don’t. Then good for you…) Due to the stress and the serious lack of sleep, I came a bit unhinged, according to my honest self assessment. I caught myself breaking into songs and dance moves at work. I was constantly invoking the Hyperbole and Half’s meme: Answer ALL the emails! Invite ALL the peeps! Cancel ALL the meetings! Write ALL the reviews! Complete with the raised arm (which nobody else around me seemed to get…)
I believe it was unsettling for the people who sit nearby.
In my head, I saw myself walking over the edge, letting it all hang out, and I was at the same time feeling conflicted, not wanting to show my crazy at work. I wrote a co-worker that I was worried I have been flying my freak flag too high, kidding-on-the-square-ly, and he responded: Your freak flag is one of the few things that keep me going here. Keep your freak flag high.
I broke down and cried.
Hi, it’s me again. You know, the two straight-up vodka me. I can feel the alcohol working through my veins even as I am typing this. I know the feeling well. I am trying to NOT be drunk and I am very conscious of my drunkenness. I have to make extra efforts to keep myself lucid and carry a cohesive conversation and keep my voice at a socially acceptable decibel. I am also paranoid of people finding out that I am actually drunk so I try to stay as socially engaging as possible while mentally checking everything that I just said, and then try to dig myself out of it. My English becomes great. My accent is mostly gone. Two vodka me is awesome. Life at the party. (Note to self: Being “life at the party” is actually a sardonic phrase when everybody else is sober)
Well, all that immediately went out the window when I made a gesture wider than my brain could detect and control and knocked it down to the kitchen sink and broke it. All before 8 pm.
Yup.
So I am sitting here back at home wanting to cry because it was a party at the neighbor’s and all the other neighbors were there. I have already felt like an odd duck in this neighborhood. We were finally invited to a party! Maybe this time we could blend in and people would think that we are normal!
I am such a hypocrite, am I not? After all, I was the one the tweeted, facebooked and tumbled:
Today’s motto: Let your freak flag fly high.
And I made these memes because I was so damn proud of myself.
We are going to start a goddamn movement! Complete with a parade. With them flags!!!!!!
Seriously though? I am horrified to think that those people at the party are just going to think that my behaviors were due to my being drunk and rude and stupid: I mean, what kind of people got that drunk before 8, at a WINE party?! I don’t know why it bothers me so much. So just want to let you know. When I said I don’t care what others think, when I rah-rah-ed about how you just need to be yourself, when I encouraged you all to fly your freak flags high? That was more hypothetical. In an ideal world. If I were an ideal me. I would totally fly my freak flag. All. Day. Fucking. Long. And out in the open too.
I think I need to go to bed now.
I will fly my flag tomorrow. Sober too.
I subscribe to the line that is generally associated with Woody Allen, but was actually said by Groucho Marx in 1954: “I just don’t want to belong to any club that would have me as a member.”
lifeintheboomerlane recently posted…Jury Duty and the Boomer
*LOVE*
Writing sober is over rated…who even DOES that these days. *waving my freak flag*
Mama Kat recently posted…Things Kids Say: Derrrrrr…
Tru dat! I found that I write better when I am buzzed. OR it could be that my posts look a lot better to myself when I am buzzed….
Lin honey, why do you think we love it here? Why do you think we love YOU?! Because your freak flag flies high and proud and seems to welcome the thought of sharing a pole with the rest of our freak flags!
If I had 21 guns (I’m from Texas and don’t own any. Don’t tell anyone) I’d salute you loud and proud!
SisterMerryHellish recently posted…It’s Nippley In Here
Thank you baby. {{{{hugs}}}}} Your secret is safe with me.
I’m still stuck on H&1/2 ‘s “Clean ALL the things?” Short out.
Anyway, whenever your freak flag flies like laundry on a gale force wind day you know I’ll always be there to find your shoes.
xoxo
What are friends for right?! xxxooo
I wish we lived in the same neighborhood. Then we could have our own freak party, with 3 B&B’s by 6:42 (pre and post PG, anyway)!
That would be awesome! 🙂
Ah, screw ’em if they can’t take a joke.
Some people just don’t have a sense of humor. Stuff shirts. They don’t have flags to wave. They’re the ones that NEED them the most.
We’d be a pair at a party! *rolling eyes*…the trouble we’d cause.
This probably why I don’t get invited to many parties.
But like I said, screw ’em if they can’t take a joke.
Irene recently posted…Home Improvement Warehouses-The Place You Love To Hate, But Thank God They’re There.
It would have been awesome if we could get together and party like it’s 1999!
One of the nice things about a few rings around the trunk (so to speak), is knowing that fitting in is an illusion. And being comfortable with being a hybrid, and yes, flying that flag high.
BigLittleWolf recently posted…Comment on Will Power by Carol
I am getting better. Braver. Stronger. And care less about shit. But sometimes it still catches up to me.
I think one of the stripes on your freak flag is your caring about what other people think. The two aren’t mutually exclusive, dear one. Embrace your freaky desire for acceptance as you embrace your freaky (and adorable) tendency to say “No Worries” and fear of wearing a two-piece in front of your in-laws and all the other components of your freak-itude. I always figure, my faults and inexplicable freakness components are all part of who I am. And for the most part, I’m pretty damn happy with who I am. So even if I don’t love eggs, I love cake. Do you see where I’m going with this? Because I’m a little sleep deprived and not coherent.
If it helps, I know EXACTLY what I mean.
Elly Lou recently posted…This Week’s Tweets
I know exactly what YOU mean too. Remember? I am your spiritual stalker.
Life is way too short to look back and critique your behavior at a neighborhood party. Think about it. Really? Who cares?
On the other hand, somebody has to be the one to liven up a boring neighborhood wine party. Sometimes it’s you. And take some pride in knowing that when it’s your turn, you do your job well. 🙂
I take my job seriously! 🙂
It’s hard, isn’t it?
It’s so hard.
I could just hug you right now…and tell you till you believe it: YES. Let that freak flag fly…my favorite kind of people;;;those that are who they are meant to be.
xo
Alexandra recently posted…I Scare Nice People
Thank you. Let’s hug! {{{{{Lin+Empress}}}}}
No one said freak flying flying is always easy. But you get a good night’s sleep and hoist it again.
secret agent woman recently posted…It just keeps flying by.
Thanks! I had my sleep and when I woke up, I started it all over again! Some people just never learn. LOL
{Passing you some aspirin and helping you unfurl your flag and raise it on the flagpole.}
Andrea @ Shameless Agitator recently posted…Stripes
THANK YOU! xxoo
I believe you did just have a cohesive conversation with yourself at a socially acceptable decipal… At least for the internet’s ears…. meme!
My English tends to get better when I am drunk. No kidding!
I didn’t know about this meme thing -or at least l knew but l didn’t now it actually had a name…
I spent this last weekend (3 full days) with 8 spanish-speaking ladies in Riga. Awkward all over. The funniest (well…. whatever) thing was that I am the oldest and I was the hipper one – and not all time in a good way…
When I came home I felt bad for all the people I could embarrass there, but then again, somehow I didn’t…
fly your flag, woman… every day!
😀
vanilla north recently posted…hickey
Oh yes yes yes. Sometimes it’s awkward when the young people around me are less hip. Then they give me that look like I am crazy or a disgrace to my age group. I just want to say “Wait until you are my age. I can wait.”
Oh, dear. Why do things have to come along to discourage our memes? And so regularly! So reliably!
Perhaps, another entry in the Freak Flag posters: Fly Your Freak Flag High. You Can’t Seem To Help It, Anyway.
Nance recently posted…Of Fudge, Friends, and Fey Whiles
I know, right?! These anti-meme forces need to be eradicated!