For the Bard

53 Replies

Yesterday April 26 was Shakespeare’s birthday, well, it was the day he was baptized. Nobody knows the exact date when he was born but traditionally it was celebrated on April 23. I can tell you that on either day there was no Google Doodle for him and “Shakespeare” was not on the Twitter trending topic list.

So there’s that.

I did celebrate yesterday by playing with this randomizer for Shakespeare’s insults: The Shakespearean Insulter

And I have been trying to memorize as many of the insults as I could. You never know when one will come in handy.

Idol of idiot-worshippers!‎

Be put in a cauldron of lead and usurer’s grease, amongst a whole million of cutpurses, and there boil like a gammon of bacon that will never be enough.

We leak in your chimney.

Thou cockered onion-eyed clack-dish!

Thou art essentially a natural coward without instinct.

Thou froward common-kissing scut!

Thou odiferous dizzy-eyed fustilarian!

Thou qualling elf-skinned foot-licker!

Thou puny lily-livered death-token!

Thou loggerheaded fat-kidneyed pumpion!

Thou roguish fat-kidneyed horn-beast!

Thou dissembling folly-fallen hedge-pig!

Thou bawdy earth-vexing whey-face!

Thou paunchy bat-fowling apple-john!

 

I will be getting up at 4 am to take the first flight out for yet another business trip. A pox upon thee!

While I am away, please try and memorize as many of Shakespeare’s gems and use them on each other.

 

For the Bard: This is one of the most revealing scenes about the power of theatre I have seen. (And it is from my favorite TV show ever Sports Night. I am still waiting for it to come back the way I am waiting for a chance to see Freddie Mercury live…)

 

 

I regard the theatre as the greatest of all art forms, the most immediate way in which a human being can share with another the sense of what it is to be a human being.

— Oscar Wilde, himself a gifted word master excelling at the art of insult

53 thoughts on “For the Bard”

  8. pattypunker

    google missed the fucking boat on this one. but you my love did not! awesome tribute. so many great insults. my faves are:
    Thou froward common-kissing scut!
    Thou froward common-kissing scut!
    Thou roguish fat-kidneyed horn-beast!

    and just when i thought i couldn’t love you anymore – you tell us sports night was one of your favorite shows ever. me too!!!!! the wit, the writing! why do they always bag the good ones. and this clip was great. they were so young.
    pattypunker recently posted…apt cMy Profile

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  19. Jeane

    Haha…love those. Love Shakespeare. I taught in a prison and tried very hard to get my students not to curse or call each other names. Never really happened but I took in a list of shakespearean insults and told them to at least use their imaginations…Canker-blossom could be heard throughout the prison for months.
    Jeane recently posted…You’re a freak…but I love youMy Profile

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      I cannot write any poem, or even couplet, not being humble here, it’s hard for me to pick up the rhythm (Iambic pentameter? Not if my life depends on it). I cannot compose poems in Chinese in the classical format either…

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  27. Linda at Bar Mitzvahzilla

    That’s funny, I just called my husband a “boorish lout” tonight. I think that’s pretty Shakespearean… Or maybe I said “boorish dolt.” Once when my son was a pre-teen we pretty much decided to write some youth fiction books with the main character named “Boris Lout.” I still think it’s a pretty good idea.

    And I’ve finally emerged from my seclusion (not that anyone noticed) since my book was published last week!
    Linda at Bar Mitzvahzilla recently posted…Book Come LatelyMy Profile

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