Sometimes, for no reason at all, I would get a severe attack of homesickness.
Without any provocation, my heart would ache and I would get a sensation of emptiness and at the same time heaviness inside my stomach.
I recognize that feeling well.
It is an intense loneliness that comes from a herd animal being away from its kind.
I am exhausted: I just want to drop everything and go home.
Do Americans feel this way?
It seems to me that, (I know I am grossly generalizing here), Americans take it for granted that they will not be living where they grew up, and that they will, most likely, be away from their parents and siblings, simply on account of how vast this country is and how geographically widely distributed job opportunities can be.
So is the pang of homesickness less acute if you know you are not expected to be there in the first place? Not being adulterated by a sense of guilt? The mutual understanding that you are where you are supposed to be? Without the gnawing sensation that eats you away as you age, as your parents age, that somehow you have pulled a bait and switch on them?
“Oh I will be back in two years. Tops.”
That somehow you ran away. You did not stay put like 99% of the population on the small island, the size of Maryland.
The feeling that you may have turned away and the chasm is now irreparable because…
many years ago…
you started dreaming in English?