Morgan Freeman made me do it!

August 26, 2010

in therapy in session

I will do pretty much anything Morgan Freeman tells me to


You see a lot of interesting people every morning near the train station. There is Mr. Jim, the Salvation Army guy, who is the staple presence inside the building even in January, when people think they are done with their charity giving. I love coming into work and seeing Mr. Jim sitting on his stool next to his red bucket. He always has a jovial smile and a firm handshake for you.  Then there is the guy who hawks “designer” purses and hats, sometimes scarves and gloves. The guy who occasionally sells boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts, right on the side of the street. In the middle of the sidewalk across the street from the station, on most days when it is not pouring or freezing, you will see a bespectacled old lady sitting in her beach chair. Sometimes when people walk by they will greet her like an old friend. On some days, this old lady will be accompanied by an old gentleman. The two of them sit side by side in the midst of the current of people rushing towards the surrounding buildings.

When I came into work this morning, as usual, I stopped by Dunkin Donuts to get my customary “Large with cream and sugar” and as a treat, a bagel twist in Jalapeño cheddar flavor.  The old lady was not there today so the old gentleman was there by himself. As I rushed towards my office building, he extended his hand, the subtle movement of his hand pantomimed the question in jest, “Is that coffee for me?”

I recognized the glint in his eyes and the faint smile at the corner of his mouth. For the first time I noticed how much he looks like Morgan Freeman.

aka god.

“Of course!” I smiled and handed him my coffee. I looked at the paper bag in my other hand, “How about a bagel?”

“Thank you so much! You made my day!” He broke into a dazzling smile, “Take this!” and handed me today’s Chicago Redeye.

I took one look at the front page and I knew.


God is trying to send me a message


Seriously.  If this is not a message from god, I don’t know what is…


Average Girl August 30, 2010 at 1:09 pm

You are soooo right about the voice. Morgan Freeman could say, “Waiter, there is too much pepper on my paprikash” (When Harry Met Sally), and I would earnesly agree (instead of asking what paprikash is…do you know?).

Absence Alternatives August 30, 2010 at 4:57 pm

Because you are not Morgan Freeman, so, WTF is paprikash?

p.s. Don’t you love the movie Easy A??!! It’s like free promotions for you m’lady! 😉

Naptimewriting August 30, 2010 at 12:25 am

“I will do pretty much anything Morgan Freeman tells me to”
LMAO. And then clearing my throat and admitting: me, too.
Naptimewriting´s last blog post…Unthinkable

Absence Alternatives August 30, 2010 at 4:56 pm

Yeah. He’s like the Pied Piper without a flute and with a swarm of screaming women running after him.

jen August 29, 2010 at 7:17 am

haha, more booze, less coffee?
did you really give him your coffee and bagel? that is what I wanna know, lol, did you get another one?
jen´s last blog post…Friday Fragments Ep 12

Absence Alternatives August 29, 2010 at 9:24 am

Of course I did. You can’t toy with people’s hearts like that. If you say they are going to get coffee, you’d better give them coffee!

I did wonder whether it was the right thing to do to give him the bagel twist. You see, it is Jalapeño and cheese. I was worried that he might get an upset stomach…

Alexandra August 29, 2010 at 2:15 am

Absolutely a message! Are you kidding???
Alexandra´s last blog post…Guest Post by Baby E- Part II

Absence Alternatives August 29, 2010 at 9:22 am

Right? Thanks YRH for the confirmation! 🙂

Wicked Shawn August 28, 2010 at 10:35 pm

I am always getting messages from Morgan. Text messages. But they are usually more like, “stop txting me, I dnt no who u r” …..then followed by, “ok, nice rack, stop txting, keep snding pix”

What? Just me? Ok, I’ve said too much? Fine! It’s not a secret I am not a God person, but I am a Morgan Freeman in his white suit person. *shrug*

Also, homeless guy on the street the other night overheard me saying I wasn’t sure which street we needed to walk down…..he offered his misquote……”Go to the first star then take a left” It wasn’t quite right, but it still made me give him a wink and say thanks!
Wicked Shawn´s last blog post…The Significance of Today

Absence Alternatives August 29, 2010 at 9:21 am

That was some quote indeed!

(And that’s some nice rack too!)

The Barreness August 28, 2010 at 11:28 am

Ah, the many joys of atheism…

I’d rather just think of it as a message from Morgan.

And am I the only one who fancies him in that God getup?

It’s kinda like that fantasy everyone has about doing it in a church. Even to an athiest it just feels wrong.

What? Everyone totally has that fastasy, right?




– B x

Absence Alternatives August 28, 2010 at 12:01 pm

Think of Zeus. He is a god, right? Well, how many women has he boinked? 😉 Fancy Morgan in his white suit? Not wrong at all. Not wrong at all.

alonewithcats August 27, 2010 at 10:09 pm

If only booze were free, man.
alonewithcats´s last blog post…Worst birthday card ever

Absence Alternatives August 27, 2010 at 10:54 pm

If Morgan Freeman were god, booze would have been totally free, man.

Tiffany August 27, 2010 at 9:27 pm

um, so, i’ve decided that we’re related. more on that later.

God sends me messages through old black guys all the time. a couple years ago, this man stopped me in a mall and was like ‘you have a nice shape–not too skinny. i bet you like to eat.’ obviously God telling me to stop stealing extra crackers during communion.
Tiffany´s last blog post…Once upon a time…

Absence Alternatives August 27, 2010 at 11:01 pm

I hope you thanked god, eh the nice man, for the compliment. And I always thought those were cookies. So they are only crackers? Now I don’t feel as bad for being excluded during mass…

And we are totally related!!!! It’s like god is trying to tell us something through Morgan Freeman! Your post “Jesus spoke to me—or maybe it was Morgan Freeman. Whatever.” even used a similar picture from the same otherwise lousy movie!

I also just noticed that Morgan Freeman was totally guarding his armpits.

Mary Lee August 27, 2010 at 9:03 pm

Was your place listed?
Mary Lee´s last blog post…Spousal Abuse

Absence Alternatives August 27, 2010 at 9:16 pm

My place is listed under NO HOLDS BARRED. 😉

MrsBlogAlot August 27, 2010 at 9:23 am


Absence Alternatives August 27, 2010 at 9:33 am

Thank you. Thank you.

Nance August 27, 2010 at 6:51 am

Morgan Freeman is a much more warm, inclusive, personal god than that last dude who was in charge, George Burns. Term limits are a good thing.
Nance´s last blog post…An Old Story- Best Seat In The House

Absence Alternatives August 27, 2010 at 8:36 am

Yes, term limits are a very good thing! Now if only I could retire soon from my position as the chief everything inside this house!!!!

Life with Kaishon August 27, 2010 at 6:06 am

Loved this post so much. Your very own message from God.
Life with Kaishon´s last blog post…Worst joke ever!

Absence Alternatives August 27, 2010 at 8:35 am

Thank you! 🙂

mrsblogalot August 27, 2010 at 5:27 am

Morgan is the reason I got pregnant all those years ago…

Oh sorry, that was the Captain.

I guess I have to stop sending those threatening letters now…

Absence Alternatives August 27, 2010 at 8:35 am

He’s probably used to it. What with some lady named Jenny the Bloggess calling him out for putting a pussy on his head… 😉

p.s. Ha ha. I said Pussy on his head.

p.p.s. Please see my reply to Linda’s comment…

linlah August 27, 2010 at 12:37 am

I miss working in mid-town. I used to call my boss from my office to his office on the phone and alert him of hookers in the alley and not just that they were there but their might be a porn show going on.
linlah´s last blog post…recharge your batteries

Absence Alternatives August 27, 2010 at 8:33 am

You are the best employee ever!

Linda @ Bar Mitzvahzilla August 26, 2010 at 10:31 pm

Bagel twists all around! Shouldn’t a bagel always have a hole, though?

Absence Alternatives August 27, 2010 at 8:33 am

Ha ha you said HOLE.

* Sorry. Before coffee, sometimes I am a 13-year-old boy trapped in a 60-year-old woman’s body…

** Ok. That does not sound legal.

Miss B August 26, 2010 at 9:34 pm

Here in my part of downtown (such as it is) there is a group home for schizophrenics and other serious mental/emotional disorders. It is called the El Rey, and is not a terribly…structured…establishment, so apart from having somewhere to sleep and eat and someone to give them their meds, I’m not sure what services are provided. (side note: I lived in the building directly next door for almost 7 years, so I know most of these people quite well, as neighborhood acquaintanceships go) Therefore the residents spend a lot of time hanging around on the sidewalk outside (the El Rey Olympic Smoking Team) and hanging out in the neighborhood. Some of them sell the local homeless newspaper. Some of them panhandle. Some just talk to invisible friends. A few of my favorites…

Devil-Talking Lady — she is a totally normal, doll-like old lady, in appearance. Well-dressed, perfect pink circles of blush on her cheeks. Often, she can be found hanging out in front of Starbucks or some other coffee place, drinking coffee and smoking and panhandling. But, about 25% of the time, she sits on the sidewalk and YELLS nonsense in a creepy, garbled voice. Imagine the Crazy Cat Lady from the Simpsons. Exactly like that, like she is possessed.

Gloria and The English Professor — Gloria is a very odd-looking woman who often has her head shaved, which leads me to believe she maybe has to undergo some form of electric therapy. I didn’t ever hear her speak until I had spent 5 years, at least, smiling and saying hello to her at least once every day. The English Professor is a tall, distinguished, grey-bearded man. Always wears a black turtleneck and black trousers. I have never heard him say a word. They can constantly be seen wandering the neighborhood, hand in hand, whispering to each other. It makes me very happy.

Jackson — he is tall, and grizzled, and nearly toothless, and has that thing with his joints where his fingers bend back the wrong way, which is disconcerting when you hug him hello and he takes your hand in his. Sometimes he is totally lucid and tells really amusing stories about all kinds of things in his life that are obviously not true (his parents own a castle in the middle of London; he is curating an art exhibit in New York next month; &c.). And sometimes he has emphatic conversations — occasionally arguments — with people who aren’t there. But, if you get yourself in his line of sight and touch his arm and say hello, he will snap out of it and talk to you. He has a raspy raspy voice, smokes like a chimney, and — if you didn’t know him — would be terrifying to come across in a dark alley at night. I have known him for a decade. He still cannot remember my name, or the fact that I do not smoke (as evidence by the fact that he asks to bum a cigarette every time I see him). And he occasionally tells me, if I give him a hug, that people will think I’m a hooker.

There are a lot more, but this is already a ridiculously long comment, so I will stop,
Miss B´s last blog post…The Only Direction Being Forward

Absence Alternatives August 27, 2010 at 8:32 am

Come visit me and I will introduce you to Mr. Jim the Salvation Army man and possibly the sidewalk god. 🙂


p.s. You know you can leave as long a comment as you want here! The longer the better! 😉

gigi August 26, 2010 at 8:31 pm

I think that Morgan Freeman is telling you to expand, not constrict, your drinking horizons.

Don’t fuck with Morgan.
gigi´s last blog post…Control Freak is Not A Well-Paying Profession

Absence Alternatives August 27, 2010 at 8:29 am

Don’t fuck with the Captain either!

And I LURV the way you think!

pattypunker August 26, 2010 at 8:24 pm

i see i need to modify my party rules for you:

1. never count drinks
2. never look at the time
3. there is no god, therefore there are no rules.
pattypunker´s last blog post…happiness in a box

Absence Alternatives August 27, 2010 at 8:28 am

Yes, ma’am! xxoo

secret agent woman August 26, 2010 at 7:59 pm

What a lovely impulsive gift. You earned a trip to the booze zone.
secret agent woman´s last blog post…Time to go back on the run

Absence Alternatives August 27, 2010 at 8:28 am

Yes yes yes!!!!

Unknown Mami August 26, 2010 at 7:25 pm

Great so if I ever go to heaven, it’s going to be narrated by Morgan Freeman?
Unknown Mami´s last blog post…And the Winner is…

Absence Alternatives August 27, 2010 at 8:28 am

LOL! 🙂

Jane August 26, 2010 at 7:12 pm

You are such a sweet little ol’ softie and I just love you to pieces!
Jane´s last blog post…Elevatin’ To Another Level – Not Higher- Just Different

Absence Alternatives August 27, 2010 at 8:27 am

Who you calling a softie yo lady?!


SisterMerryHellish August 26, 2010 at 7:04 pm

Morgan Freeman is the best movie God ever! Especially since I can’t think of any others except George Burns, who was cute in his own little old man way, but the cigar, the cigar I cannot forgive him for. No, Morgan Freeman is my God of choice. It’s good!

Absence Alternatives August 27, 2010 at 8:27 am

Yes he is. His voice alone… He could be narrating the Yellow Pages and I would be standing in attention!

Absence Alternatives August 27, 2010 at 8:38 am

Thank you for visiting and commenting! You are hilarious! And I sincerely hope you are not working for one of my former employers: lots of spoiled people with undeserved sense of entitlement over there…

TheKitchenWitch August 26, 2010 at 5:42 pm

You are seven kinds of awesome.
TheKitchenWitch´s last blog post…What We’re Made Of

Absence Alternatives August 27, 2010 at 8:26 am

Awww thank you. Somehow I am thinking of salad…

Technobabe August 26, 2010 at 5:37 pm

Even if I couldn’t see Morgan Freeman, his voice would do it for me. I have liked every single movie he has been in. I hope you take the message to heart. Hugs.
Technobabe´s last blog post…Hey- Buddy- Got The Time

Absence Alternatives August 27, 2010 at 8:26 am

I did. But I interpreted the message as I should consume more booze on the train home.

Andrea August 26, 2010 at 5:17 pm

Awww, look at you spreading kindness and getting a message in return! Lol — too funny. It would take a supernatural power for me to part with my morning coffee. Or Morgan Freeman would do it.

Absence Alternatives August 27, 2010 at 8:25 am

It’s the voice.

virginia August 26, 2010 at 4:41 pm

Where was Mrs. God?

Absence Alternatives August 27, 2010 at 8:25 am

They are not really together. They just rule the sidewalk side by side. She’s probably out there telling some girls that they need to put some of their junk back inside their trunk…

Jack August 26, 2010 at 4:33 pm

A little booze sounds good to me, or maybe a lot. Yep. a lot sounds particularly good. Will hate myself later, but what the hell

Absence Alternatives August 27, 2010 at 8:23 am

You are my kind of man!

Jack August 27, 2010 at 6:51 pm

A day later and we’re still drinking. Woohoo……………

Absence Alternatives August 27, 2010 at 9:15 pm


The Sweetest August 26, 2010 at 4:16 pm

Ha ha Crazy little coincidence (or divine intervention?) but if this had happened to me I would eventually be bitter that I had lost my bagel to reading material that could be a real downer. Bring on the wine!
The Sweetest´s last blog post…The Poop Goes On…

Absence Alternatives August 26, 2010 at 4:20 pm

LOL. The newspaper actually talked about how there is really no rule for drinking on the commuter train which is the train I take every day. As long as you are not wildly intoxicated, the conductor does not enforce any drink limit. Awesome! 🙂

I actually have your POOP post open on another browser. I plan to read it on my way home. Perhaps this time it will be accompanied by booze!

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