Narcissus: A Rambling in Four Parts

I saw these for sale when I made an emergency run for coffee at the store: a dozen for $1.99. I normally do not buy flowers, the same reason I do not make the bed: What’s the point? But I made an impulse purchase that day and I am glad I did. Whenever I pass by them, which is all too frequently since they are sitting on the kitchen table now, a smile pulls into my face. Flowers do that to you. Besides, they are so much cheaper than a diamond necklace.

 

I held out the daffodils the way He-Man pulled out his Power Sword, screaming: “By the power of Narcissus!” Willing Spring the coy bitch to finally show her face.

I did that often when I was young: holding up my umbrella, yelling, “The omnipotent gods, please endow me with the power of miracle!”, the Chinese dubbed version. I harbored this longing to be a super hero, or a swordsman. All of these fantasies involved me cross-dressing incognito. There is a lot of theorizing available behind a cross-dressing story such as HUA Mulan (Don’t say “Fa” please. Use the historically correct pronunciation, in Mandarin…) : being male in appearances somehow signified a path to empowerment and freedom, provided you are not found out.

 

Back to Spring. Or the lack of sighting of that pesky bitch forever running late or simply no-show even after she had RSVP’d when the universe was first created. The sky was dressed in blue and adorned himself with glorious white clouds yesterday, waiting for her.*

Whenever the kids and I see the sky looking like this, we’d say, “Look! The Simpsons!” And we all could hear the intro music to The Simpsons wafting in closer from behind the clouds. Or maybe it’s just me.

 

Back to the lingering thoughts of cross-dressing. Sister Merry Hellish recently wrote a great post on “Men in the corporate culture, their ties, and the women who fight them” aptly titled Sex, Ties and Reconditioning. She had asked several bloggers to send her pictures of themselves wearing a tie, and I am honored to be one of them. You really should click over and read the post. Actually, don’t even worry about finishing this post and leaving me a comment (srly sometimes I wonder what I myself would say if I had to comment on the gibberish coming out of my keyboard…). Just stop and hop over there right now!

As always, assignments of self-portrait stresses me out to no end and I did not pick up the camera until the last minute. In the end though, I had to admit that I had a lot of fun posing with a hat and a tie inside our powder room, holding a camera with my right hand, snapping pictures of myself in the bathroom mirror. I, a 40-year-old woman, was playing dress-up in a tiny bathroom, in the middle of the night, by myself. And I had not even been drinking.

Do you ever wonder now what your parents were doing when you were sleeping back then?

It was really late when I sent SMH my submissions, and I knew she waited up for me so she could work on her post before she went to bed. I continued to play with Picnik.com, or what I like to call, A Woman’s Best Friend. After much cropping (for you could see the toilet in the original picture AND I was wearing a pair of hot pink pajama pants underneath. They were only $5 on sale!), massive editing, and over-applications of effects, I have to say I love how I look in a fedora* and tie.

The funny, and slightly disturbing thing is how often I stare at this picture of myself ever since. I know it is not real: Too much cropping and softening and posterizing effects have been involved. But it makes me feel strong inside when I close my eyes and see myself in a hat and tie thusly. Does that even make any sense?

I hope I can manage to retain this mental image of myself channeling Annie Lennox (who is a very strong outspoken feminist. Yes, she does not deny that she is a feminst) on days when I feel oh so unworthy of working side by side next to all these men around the conference table.

Self: I can’t do this any more. These men think I am an idiot.

Annie Lennox:

You’re a bird in the sky now baby
Earthbound
Feet on the ground

 

 

Today, in a very self-serving way, I am going to declare that we all need a little bit Narcissus in us.

 

 

 

* On second thought, I guess we can’t blame Lady Spring for not showing up this weekend after all since blue tux & white ruffles combo inadvertently conjures up the image of Jeff Daniels in Dumb and Dumber

The fedora actually belongs to Mr. Monk, my 8 year old. I now am convinced that every man and woman should own a fedora.

 

80 thoughts on “Narcissus: A Rambling in Four Parts

  1. The Barreness

    Holy crap I LOVE this photo of you.

    You are working that hat, baby.

    I remember the night I sent in my photos too…only I was drunker and much MUCH more naked than you.

    Opposites attract, n’est-ce pas?

    – B x
    The Barreness recently posted…Vagina schmaginaMy Profile

    Reply
    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Thank you for the compliment. I thought about changing my avatar (yes I am VAIN!) but I’ve promised someone on Twitter that I’d never change my little gal avatar otherwise “baby angels will die” or something… People are crazy on Twitter. 🙂

      Reply
    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Could you please please take a picture for us? For all of us? Just picturing that is making me tear up… (Ok, I am exhausted and am now sitting alone in a hotel room not looking forward to pulling an all-nighter because I did not work this weekend at all…)

      It sounds simply divine.

      Reply
  2. chickensconsigliere

    I love that picture. It makes me think of Sex and the City-remember the one where Charlotte does a gallery show for a photographer who dresses woman as men and photographs them, and in the end, she has one done of herself? Now I want a fedora.
    chickensconsigliere recently posted…In Which Chicken Re-posts an Old Post for the First Time Ever and Begs Your ForgivenessExcept- Hey- Maybe You Never Read This Post Before in Which Case- Were Good- RightMy Profile

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  3. Wicked Shawn

    You are so beautiful, saturated or not, inside and out! This picture captures so much of the essence of you! Strength, wit, daring, sexuality……you embody these qualities in this pic! tempted to print it out and frame it!
    Wicked Shawn recently posted…What the What!!My Profile

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  4. Velva

    You absolutely crack me-up in a good way. I love the things that you are willing to do. I was totally captured by flowers, the crystal blue sky and then…how it related to the Simpsons and then… I was just having all kinds of experiences reading your blog post.

    You should never stop blogging.

    Velva
    Velva recently posted…Wordless WednesdayMy Profile

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  5. StephanieC | Seriously? Really? Seriously?

    Is it wrong that in all this meaningful, amusing, self-photoshopped writing, my favourite part was the $5 hot pink pajamas? Rock on, sista, rock on.

    Also? Great you bought the flowers. I bought 6 yellow roses at the grocery store on an impulse buy, and they lasted 3 weeks! Made me smile every single time I looked at them.

    SO hurry up Spring!
    StephanieC | Seriously? Really? Seriously? recently posted…Win &amp FailMy Profile

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  6. Ameena

    Finally someone who understands the futility of buying flowers. And yet, I couldn’t resist the price of these exact same ones at Trader Joe’s. And yes, they died way too quicky.

    I think you are a knockout. I absolutely thought of Annie Lennox the second I saw that photo! Gorgeous my friend. Just gorgeous, inside and out.
    Ameena recently posted…a weekend on the slopesMy Profile

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  7. Georgina Dollface

    Awesome self portrait. Yeah, cropping and tinting are my friends too. What would I do without them? Like you, I don’t normally buy flowers but in the Spring when they are local and cheap, I just can’t resist. Tulips are my favourite, next to daffodils. I must remind myself to buy both more often when then are so abundant and fresh here. – G

    Reply
    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      I love tulips! But someone once told me that the dark red/purple ones look like penises… That thought makes me blush and laugh every time I see them now. Kind of ruined it for me. LOL

      Reply
  8. Irene

    I have to make my bed. I just have to. OCD maybe. Could be. I haven’t had a check up in so long I wonder if I’m even breathing.

    I think you rock that tie! Between you in the tie and hat (the earrings really make the outfit!) with the red background, it’s an awesome picture!

    I love those spontaneous purchases! For $1.99! How can you beat that? You get a bouquet of sunshine!

    I never thought about the Simpson’s when I looked up at the sky like that. OMG, that’s too freakin’ funny! Now I’m going to be thinking of that next time I look up . I hate you.

    Thank you for stopping by my blog and commenting! I’m seriously going to think about laundry analysis. It’s not like I’m really that busy here….watching birds eat sunflower seeds. Oh wait, mail’s here. Highlight of my day!

    Reply
  9. Stacey

    “Do you ever wonder now what your parents were doing when you were sleeping back then? ”

    I do now.

    Considering borrowing the husband’s fedora from the downstairs closet for the day.
    Stacey recently posted…LegendMy Profile

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  10. MacDougal Street Baby

    I rarely buy flowers. Sometimes I spy into my neighbor’s beautifully washed kitchen window with her perfectly arranged flowers and think to myself, “Maybe I should make a little effort” but something irrelevant pulls me away and I’m off to other things.

    I also used umbrellas in my imaginative play. I would jump off the highest stoop with my arm outstretched and pray that this would be the moment I would fly like Mary Poppins. Life back then was a series of disappointments.

    Yes, indeedy do, hubby and I also look at a woolpacked perfect sky and hum The Simpsons. I have a picture I took recently with just this in mind.

    Here’s a fun activity when you find yourself out and about in the city. Count the number of fedoras you see. You’ll be shocked. One time they exceeded the head toll. I’m not joking. I, for one, am a big supporter of the chapeau. It helps hide my bald spot.

    P.S. You are one sexy broad.

    Reply
    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Love the idea of counting hats! There are a few ladies on the commuter train that have some classy styles that I admire. Maybe one day I will have enough courage to ask whether I could take pictures of them.

      Reply
  11. Jotter Girl

    You are so cute in a tie! Way back in the day when I spent a lot of time in Rome, I used to dress with a male influence in an Annie Lennox sort of way. The local barmen at the cappuccino place used to call me “little man” in Italian. I wasn’t dressing that way to keep up with men, I just liked how it looked. I still have a few of my ties put away, just in case I need to revisit that phase of my live.

    Glad you bought yourself flowers. You deserve them!
    Jotter Girl recently posted…Writers of tomorrowMy Profile

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  12. meleah rebeccah

    These photos are truly as incredible as your writing style!

    And, OMG, whenever I see the sky looking blue like that – I ALSO think of “The Simpsons” ahahahahahahhahahaha!

    Reply
  13. secret agent woman

    That’s a steal on the daffodils – I’d have bought them, too. And a lovely shot of you.

    But. I don’t want to take on the trappings of masculinity in order to be considered strong. I don’t use expressions like ballsy, or “grow a pair” or cojones. I think we need to reclaim womanly strength. Because I don’t think femininity and strength/courage are in the least bit mutually exclusive. So all the things that tend to get associated with the masculine – sexual desire, independence, intelligence, bravery, competence – I believe all those things should be owned, with pride, by women without the need to lay at being men. I don’t even want to be a man. Why? Because I can have all those traits AND give birth. What’s not to like about that?
    secret agent woman recently posted…Springtime definitely improves my moodMy Profile

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      I absolutely agree with what you said. When I was writing this post, I was a bit worried that I may be reinforcing this arbitrary dichotomy between male and female. But sometimes battles need to be won from within… chipped away bit by bit.

      Reply
  14. Meg at the Members Lounge

    OMG, that was so much fun reading SMH’s post! (Squee! Another fabulous blog to read!) Hey, what is Photoshop for if we can’t apply beautiful filters and reinvent ourselves a bit? I truly love that photo and the fact you were doing that in the middle of the night. I think brandishing flowers is something we should all do every week; and I think the Narcissus might just bring out the Bacchus in me later on!
    Meg at the Members Lounge recently posted…Monday PotpourriMy Profile

    Reply
    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Just imagine what would Bacchus say on Facebook to Narcissus now?! 😉

      Of course, he’d start with, Yo yo yo, what’s up brother? yeah this is Dionysus but I changed my name when I moved to America, eh, I mean Rome…

      Reply
  15. dufmanno

    You know you are rocking that fedora better than any member of Duran Duran in their heyday. I’m not sure what it is about the image that’s so compelling. At first I thought it was the red backround or the off center peek a boo nature of your appearance but now I just think it’s cause I love you.
    Well, that and you are forever smoking hot.
    dufmanno recently posted…Baby Anarchy An Ode To Elly LouMy Profile

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  16. Justine

    Oh I would stare at that pic all day long too if I were you. It’s a pretty fantastic shot. I loved SMH’s post and wish I had the time (and courage) to take the shot I have on my mind to partake in this awesome endeavor. I too am surrounded my testosterone in a company run by a boys’ club so the “up yours” stance with this series is especially empowering to me.

    And as a Cantonese-speaking Chinese, I’m going to go with “Fa” 😉 It’s great to see you surrounded by such pretty ones. Great reminder that spring is indeed on its way.
    Justine recently posted…A label belongs on a can- not a parentMy Profile

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  17. BigLittleWolf

    Love this post, and can so relate. Not only are your photos beautiful, but, the unreal quality we sometimes capture in a photo of ourselves that nonetheless touches a truth about ourselves – I consider it special. A little gift.

    We have so many ways to know ourselves, and each other. Sometimes the outer reflects the inner. Other times, not at all.
    BigLittleWolf recently posted…Don’t judge a book by its coverMy Profile

    Reply
    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      *giddy with excitement* *fear that the jealous fans of yours are now asking for my blood…It’s like if Justin Bieber has chosen me as his favorite if I were 30 years younger…*

      Reply
  18. TheKitchenWitch

    You look great, kid. I think we all need a sassy and flattering picture of ourselves to gaze at when we’re in need of a smile.

    Spring kicked our asses this weekend. Saturday: 80 degrees. Sunday: snow. Arrrggggg.

    Reply
  19. Juli

    First of all, I love daffodils. Second, I adore playing dress up. And I often fall in love with photos of myself. It is narcissistic, but I am my own harshest critic. So, it balances out somehow. I should play with photo effects more often. Happy Spring.
    Juli recently posted…Lord of the FliesMy Profile

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  20. Neil

    Can’t exactly put my finger on it, but this as the most touching post I’ve read of yours. And I’m not even exactly sure what it is about.

    Reply
  21. SisterMerryHellish

    Funny, I have ALWAYS thought of you as Annie Lennox strong! And she has nothing on you in a hat and tie! You’re not the only one who can’t stop looking at this picture.

    Beautiful writing, even more beautiful writer, inside and out.

    Love you, Lin!
    SMH
    SisterMerryHellish recently posted…True StoryMy Profile

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Love you right back SMH! Thank you again for such a great prompt. And please forgive me because I am going to create another project for you here: SMH is still accept submissions! LOL. 🙂

      Reply

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