I am fuming. Ok, what’s new, right? But this time it is something personal. It may be trivial but it has consumed me ever since I had the following exchange with my son this past Friday. After a whole weekend of thinking it over and calming down, my anger and indignation has been only stewing and seething… Oh my dear friends, the Mama Bear inside me has reared her ugly head. Hold me down please before I get ourselves run out of town with pitchforks and torches…
In a casual conversation last Friday, my 7th grader brought up that he was reprimanded by the lady of the house at the bottom of our street to “Get off of my driveway!” He in passing mentioned something else the woman said to him which got my attention. I did not think that I heard it correctly or that he had remembered accurately so before he went to bed, I interrogated him. Hit them when they are groggy and sleepy.
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Me: Can you tell me what happened at Mrs. S’ house today?
Son: Me and N (another 7th grader from the same block) were racing and he was on his motorbike and I was on my scooter. He said that he won, and I said that I won. And then he said the F word. [F _ g] Then E [Mrs. S’ daughter who is also a 7th grader] came out and she’s like, “Hi Guys.” Then she said, “Don’t say that. My mom is here.” We kept talking and then Mrs. S came out and said,
“Hey, get off of my driveway. I don’t want you here, especially you, [First Name of my son] [Last name]. One of these days we’re going to look in the newspaper and see that you are in jail.”
Me [taking a deep breath]: And you are very sure you are not the one that said the F word?
Son [looking me in the eyes]: I am sure.
Me [taking another deep breath]: And do you think she said that because she thought you were the one who said the F word?
Son: I have no idea. At first I thought she was sarcastic. She said, “One of these days you are going to get into big trouble, mister!” But I don’t know. She did the sarcastic thing wrong because she was not smiling. I didn’t say anything bad though.
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I really thought long and hard about how this could have happened and what to do about it. I of course tweeted about this already and several of you have offered to put a foot (or two feet) in her ass, beat her with a shovel and a riding crop. (Thank you m’ladies for getting my back!)
It’s possible that she was upset because she heard some kid using the F word and she totally went berserk? If she is such a strong proponent for LGBT rights that she has such a strong reaction from hearing this word spoken right outside her house, perhaps I should give her the benefit of a doubt? I tried to put myself in her shoes but still I can’t see myself saying anything like that to anybody’s child. I would have admonished the kids, told them to not use such hurtful languages and possibly threatened to have a talk with their parents.
What do you think?
And I’ll own up, yes, I want to open up a can of whupass on this woman who will not know that I am opening up a can of woopass on her right here.
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cartoon from nataliedee.com
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Hey, it’s making me feel better already so it works, and that’s all that matters, right? Sigh. Parenting sucks. Parenting sucks ass when you are forced to see other parents as adversaries.
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p.s. Although children do lie to save their own behind and my son is definitely not a saint, he knows to not use the F word or even the word “gay” in the “wrong” way. I monitor all his email communications, IM and Facebook, and although he’s constantly surrounded by kids using the word “gay”, he has never used it even when other kids use the word to diminish him and his possessions. It is possible that he does after all take my “death by wrath” threat to heart. As for the other kid, N? Oh he knew he was in trouble. Or he thought he would have been in trouble since he told my son before he ran home, “Ok, I said ‘Fatty’, ok? That’s all I said!”
Thank you again for all the moral support and advice. I have not spoken to her yet (I don’t see neighbors often) but I am looking forward to the right moment to call her out on it. For now I have told my son to steer clearly from her family and to not stop at her house for Trick-Or-Treating. Son protested since they ALWAYS gave out full-size bars (yes, she is THAT mom). I told him I’d give him a box (no I won’t and he knew) and then threatened him with my wrath (which seems to happen on a daily basis, the threat I mean). Reading all your comments has prepared me with an eloquent speech for that moment comes. (and yes, if that moment never comes it is ok now too since my son and I had a talk about this incident) *Invisible Force Field Ready* You guys rock!
The first time I read it I thought he said “Fuck” and I’m thinking “who the fuck cares”. I got confused about the gay comment and then I figured out what the f word was.
No, she’s an asshole. Go on over there and kick her ass! Eh-who cares.
Wicked Bitch recently posted…Non-Consensual Unprotected Sex
There is never an appropriate time to tell a kid that they’re prison bound in their future! Well, unless a) they’re dabbling in gangs/drugs/vandalism, b) you’re an actual positive influence in their lives and can make any kind of impact on their future and c) you do it with love. Idiot.
I don’t have kids, but I am FIERCELY protective of my nephew. He’s had some discipline problems at school, but if I ever found out that someone in authority/with influence said something so harmful to him, I would bust some heads!
I say whoop it and whoop it good!
*If you still have energy left over my ass is available 😉
toywithme recently posted…Would You Take A Pill To Increase Your Libido
She verbally assaulted your child and that is not okay no matter what. Even if he had said the “f” word, the appropriate thing would be to tell him why using that language is incorrect, not to envision him incarcerated at some point in his life and share that vision with him. She sucks. If you need to confront her to feel better, then do it. I’m sure you will be much classier than she.
Unknown Mami recently posted…I’m in a Relationship
really! fuck that cunt. c word trumps f word everytime. and i don’t ever worry about my subwow or her boys. you are all good peeps. to the core!
pattypunker recently posted…corporate executives can blow me
Wow. Why does she say your son is going to end up in jail?? That’s ridiculous. She’s probably got nothing better to do than to sit around and bully kids.
Vodka and Ground Beef recently posted…Team of the Week
This is just wrong! I understand her asking them to stay out of the driveway, but… Jail?!? Really? Something more must be going on. I would calmly approach her one day, and tell her what you heard. To see if something got lost in translation. Don’t do it near your son, you know he told the truth. It’s just you don’t want her to feel like her backs against a wall. Being more reasonable wins.
If she doesn’t apologize, I’ll join your gang and we can go make her. Not cool lady, not cool!
Kate recently posted…Thank you for six months
I’m aghast! There can’t be a good reason for saying something that nasty to a child. And what possible reason did she have for singling him out? Have you heard other incidents of her craziness?
Were they racing in her driveway? Do you think there have been other episodes? Not trying to make her comments in any way valid–just wonder why the horrible over-reaction on her part.
I don’t know what the correct advice is, but I think I’d have to visit and in a calm, non-accusatory way, ask her about the incident and why she singled out your son, then suggest that she call ME if she had concerns about my kid.
Nah. I hate to say it, but I’d send my husband.
Her daughter must have been embarrassed. Obviously mommy dearest is a terror. I mean, how many kids warn about their mother?
I am so sorry! Hugs!
Mary Lee recently posted…What Th’ HILL
You’re right, parenting IS hard. Dealing with people is hard too. I’m with you, though. Nobody messes with my kid. Angry music, angry thoughts, venting on my blog, venting to friends. Then cool, eerily calm composure as I take care of “business.”
Ah, makes me want to whip out The Untouchables and play the scene about The Chicago Way.
I think that it is worth a conversation with her. Give her a chance to explain and then you can come up with an appropriate response. In an ideal world she will apologize or explain that she was just having a bad day.
But I wouldn’t let this hang over you.
I’d talk to her and just clear the air, she knows that you know.
linlah recently posted…the sweetest thing
To the two people right above me (hi!) — she was, I believe, referring to the English slang for a cigarette (except, you know, in a totally different and homophobic/derogatory context). Same word, though. Because obviously the word fuck and all it’s permutations should always be considered okay language, as long as they are used correctly.
(Lin, you probably shouldn’t ever take your boys to the UK. They will end up awfully confused about terminology. In this particular instance, anyway.)
Miss B recently posted…Permission
I’m completely confused, since I don’t see how the word fucking relates to LGBT rights. But what I do understand of the story, sounds like she thought your son was the one who said the fuck-word and decided to react in an immature way. If it were me (assuming I didn’t ignore it, which is what I’d likely do) I’d just say, Hey, boys, watch your language.” But when my own kids encounter someone who seems like an angry soul, I just tell them to keep their distance. In fact, my son got yelled at last week for throwing an aluminum can in someone’s recycling bin. I just told him not to go near that house again. It’s certainly not the last unkind person he will encounter.
secret agent woman recently posted…My life as I imagine it vs my life as it actually is
I have certainly experienced my share of judgmental other parents, saying things to (or worse, about) my kids, or my kids’ friends – who are AWESOME – whether they use the F word or not. It’s amazing to me how many people (parental people) need to make themselves feel better about their parenting by putting down other parents and worse – other kids.
A 7th grader letting the F word slip? Give me a break. Big deal. (Sorry if you disagree – everyone has their own house rules, I know.) But really. This isn’t a 7-year old using it. It’s a 12 or 13-year old. Let’s be real.
My guess is this parent has other issues, was having a bad day, has who-knows-what going on in her life, and quite possibly anyone passing by catches the vitriolic overflow. Which sucks. Like parenting sucks. Life life sucks. Some of the time.
And fortunately, not all of the time.
BigLittleWolf recently posted…Dear Mathew Weiner… Please give us more Betty
Okay. I might approach her, soon, before too much time has passed, and say something like, “My son informed me that he and so-and-so were on your driveway with their scooters the other day. He didn’t tell me they would be playing over there- hope it was okay that they were there.” And see how she responds. If she professes love for your son, then she is balls crazy and two-faced. If she has a hint of negativity, then you can diplomatically call her on it and say, ” He was upset about some comments he claimed you made to him. If he or so-and-so is behaving inappropriately, I would rather you to tell me about it and I will take care of it.”
The Sweetest recently posted…Ouch! That Hurt!
Okay I really can’t give advice here (childless wonder and all), but whatever you decide know this:
I live once shagged an England cricketer and I have an AWESOME swing.
Just. Saying.
– B x
The Barreness recently posted…Yes- I forgot your birthday But you should have SEEN the roof pool
Thank you all so much for the moral (and backup!) support and practical advice! Here is some more context: she is definitely not considered to be crazy. She was a lawyer in her previous life (before kids). If any, I think she has always been the “voice of representative” for our neighborhood: PTA involvement, making complaints to school and transportation department, etc. And her husband is Asian American so her kids are mixed too (if this is even relevant? Just thought I’d add this too…) In short, if there is a fight between us, for sure she will win in terms of neighborhood “support” since she definitely knows almost everybody whereas we tend to keep more to ourselves (which is partly because my husband and I both work full-time and we don’t “hang out” as much…) AND that’s why this whole thing bothers me so much: If she is spreading rumors, even in passing, even unintentionally, her words carry a lot of weight in terms of how my son is (and will be) perceived in the neighborhood and in the school.
This is a hot topic in my sister’s neighborhood right now. There is one kid that seems to be a little high strung, and is mouthy and fresh in front of other parents and playmates, BUT NOT HIS OWN. My sister usually will call a time out and tell *everybody* they need to be on good behavior or it’s time for the playdate to be over.
One day not long ago, apparently the kid hit another new kid in the neighborhood, and it’s been parental war between the two other parents since then, with other parents being asked to take sides, complete with frosty pickup at bus stops and such.
So yes, I agree it’s wise to avoid the crazy parent, and make sure your son (and it sounds like he is a great kid and very honest) knows that this Mom is not a calm person and don’t take it to heart. He most likely is on to other fun activities and isn’t giving her much thought! I would go for the strong drink, however!
Meg at the Members Lounge recently posted…Damn it- My Mom is on Facebook!
People love to tell Il Duce that one day he’ll be looking at four concrete walls and a set of bars with his “roomate” but that’s mostly because he’s a wild and untamed heathen with a set of issues that would floor Dr. Phil & Oprah together with no problem.
If someone talked to one of my other children (who didn’t emerge straight from the pages of Lord of the Flies) like that I would be a machete wielding madwoman with a bone to pick.
I hate assholes who say crap like this because now you have to go down there and probably break a nail when this dust up occurs.
Remember, I have a LOT of free time and I’m still scrappy in my old age so I’d be willing to do this deed for you.
dufmanno recently posted…Mush
Yuck. Have you ever talked to her? Does she seem crazy? If you haven’t, why not just ask her? Am I being too naive? What about…”My son was pretty upset yesterday and was saying you thought he was going to jail? Can you fill me in on what happened?” What ever her reaction is would surely fill you in on who she is, where she is coming from, and the level of craziness.
Many people are just wacko and any kindness should be seem as a miracle!! Then again, we all have shitty moments. I hope this was just one of those and not an epidemic.
Wildology recently posted…A whirlwind weekend
While I appreciate you giving her the benefit of the doubt (in fact it’s things like this that make you even more endearing), but if she was yelling because the F word offends her, she definitely would have said so instead of just making predictions about your son’s future.
And before you get the paddle out and go womp on her ass you’d better do some recon because if she likes that kind of thing you’re just defeatnig the purpose!
God bless having furry four-legged children!
SisterMerryHellish recently posted…Only Grover Could Make a Better Old Spice Commercial
This makes me appreciate having cats all the more. Mildred has never used the f word. Or any word, but that’s beside the point.
Elly Lou recently posted…Reginald- Soul Train- and Hallucinations
Here’s what I think….Drink a good stiff cocktail and let it go- Nothing good will be gained. She is not worthy of your energy.
Velva recently posted…French Lentil Rice Soup
Both of my boys have been bullied by a neighborhood parent on a few occasions. Yelling at children may be how they feel power where in all other parts of their lives they are powerless. If my kids need a “talking to” I would like to be the one to do it so I have asked this parent to contact me. The parent called one day to “tell” on my boys and began yelling at me. He was so angry I could barely get a word in before I decided it best just to hang up. Some people are just hot heads. I have told my kids to just stay away from their house. I would talk to the parent and let them know what you were told and let them tell you what they think happened. This way the parent knows that you are on to them and my watch what they say to your son in the future.
Catherine recently posted…Outing myself
I swear some adults, or people of any age probably, have no clue how they’re words affect the young. How they’re words will stay with a person for they’re entire life. I have a few things hat people have said to me when I was very young that I have never forgotten, that even my parents have never forgotten.
I suggest a ball gag for that woman so she can no longer spew vile crap out of her mouth ever again.
A Vapid Blonde recently posted…Who Wants Or Needs A Shot Of Tequila
What a rotten thing to say to a kid! *getting out my ass-kicking shoes* Why on Earth would you say that to a kid? Had to laugh at “Fatty.”
Ummm . . . uhhh. . . . dang. I’m mulling this over in my puny brain, and I can’t figure ANY reason that she should go THAT route. Other than she is an absolute idiot-asshole. And she has a seventh grader herself? What would she do if you said that to her kid?
As much as you want to crush her like a cigarette butt, my experience as a parent tells me one thing. Crazy people need to be left alone. You can not possibly talk sense to a person who is out for blood. Best advice is to tell your son to stay clear away from her. After, of course, you look deeply in his eyes and tell him what a super fantastic person he is and how madly in love with him you are.
*breathing deeply* I am going to be reasonable here, although the “girl raised in Kentucky” inside me desperately wants to simply come out and scream “CRICKET!!”.
Here are a few facts, as I see them. Any adult sensitive to the LGBT plight and offended by the use of the F word an a derogatory manner, would not be so callous as to then follow a possible teachable moment with a horrid comment such as the one this woman made to your son. The comment she made to him is something hateful, unintelligent adults say to kids due to their own prejudgements, usually based on a kids appearance.
This sort of thing pisses me off because those are the very types of parents who we have been discussing for the past several weeks. Parents who sit at a dinner table making offhanded comments like this, thus allowing kids to think it would be perfectly acceptable to make another child feel as if they were somehow “less than” any other child. THOSE parents don’t deserve a swat of a bat to the ass, they need a bat permanently placed up their ass. Erm, okay, I think I made it through MOST of this comment before I went “there.”
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