Raised by My Child

46 Replies

 

“All children alarm their parents, if only because you are forever expecting to encounter yourself.”   — Gore Vidal

 

This is going to make me sound like an awful mother, ok, more than usual.

I know many of you who are kind enough to read my blog on a regular basis adore my precocious youngest child. But sometimes, sometimes, I wish my child would say only “age-appropriate” things and engage me in “age appropriate” conversations. Sometimes I wish he were not such a little old man.

I am kind of tired of having to respond to a comment out of nowhere such as, “I don’t know how a Christian can ever support death penalty!” Seriously? Where did he get that?

Or, “I finally figured out how Batman became so rich. When his parents died, they left him with the inheritance.” Yes, he’s been quite fascinated by the concept of inheritance lately. I am trying to NOT worry about it.

Or when he flipped the channel and decided that a documentary on Freedom Riders was the most interesting thing on TV and he wanted to watch the whole thing. It’s exhausting because to answer his questions oftentimes requires supplemental materials and contextual information that are beyond his comprehension.

On these days I am worried that I am not qualified to be his mother.

 

I also don’t need a critic that follows me around like Jiminy Cricket, questioning everything that I do or say.

 

The other day he followed me around the house. “You know. This house is falling apart. We have ants everywhere,” he sighed.

First of all, the house is not falling apart. It was built in 2000 and we are the original owners. The ants? The ants are in our house because he leaves a trail of crumbs no matter how many times I have asked him to please be careful since he freaks out about the ants.

He sighed again. “I think it is going to be very hard when it comes time to sell this house.”

“It is not going to be hard to sell this house. Please don’t say things like this.” I was getting rather annoyed because unfortunately, I have absolutely no patience for Debbie Downers, Pessimists and Worrywarts.

“Ok. I just want to let you know that when you die, and I inherit this house, I am going to sell it.”

“Well, I will make sure you don’t inherit this house then.”

“I am just letting you know, that when you die, IF I get the house, I am going to sell it.”

That’s when I started having this huge headache between my eyes. And it’s still there.

 

I don’t need someone to constantly remind me how old I am.

“Mom, you are 40 years old. Do you think you should behave that way?”

“You are a middle-aged woman, please don’t jump up and down.”

And he says these things not because he’s embarrassed, but because he has labeled me as such and therefore I should behave in such and such way to conform to that label.

It’s like I am living with the Puritans.

“Are you my dad? You are worse than my dad.”

Like I said in the beginning, I am an awful mother.

 

It was funny the first time he sprinkled Holy Water on me. It was a lot less funny when I overheard him saying “Yeah, and if your mom does not believe in god, it is very hard when you want to be a good Christian.” To nobody in particular. Again, out of nowhere.

Head. Desk.

 

It’s like living with your own critic, your very own Simon Cowell who has no filters when it comes to the dissemination of truth.

Yup. My son. The truth seeker.

I know I am the adult here but oh boy does the truth hurt especially when it is pointed out to your face by someone who’s supposed to be looking up to you.

 

“Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they are going to catch you in next.”  — Henry Ward Beecher

46 thoughts on “Raised by My Child”

  1. tracey - justanothermommy

    Oh My Word. Where did he get all of that “Christian” stuff if you’re not a Christian? My middle child went to a Christian preschool for 1 year. ONE YEAR of his life, because it was a good school and I thought “What can they possibly do to his brain in one year?”

    Yeah. He is still mis-quoting what he “learned” in that year there. And I, apparently, know nothing about eternity and life and God. Whatever.
    tracey – justanothermommy recently posted…To top it all off, I was wearing a Thong…My Profile

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      My oldest told us in the car after religious ed that you are not allowed to socialize inside the church. What? I said, That’s what church is for: a sense of community. He said well it is one of the N big rules and you never believe what I have to say!

      I have to remind them over and over again that I have read the Old testament and know most of the new testament because I was a English lit major so don’t try to BS me. Ugh.

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  2. Joy

    Oh my goodness. I loved this post! I could picture the interactions with you and your little man. He should get together with my daughter, the other day on a road trip, we all learned about the history of the Ku Klux Klan – she was both intrigued and dismayed at humanity all at the same time. Ah, kids 🙂

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      See, that was the thing: he’s only 8, should I be explaining to him what lynching is when it was mentioned in the documentary? sigh. I don’t want to shelter him (and of course I am grateful that I even have the choice) but I would really love to keep his innocence as long as possible. They grow up so fast nowadays. too fast.

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  3. Naptimewriting

    See, here’s the thing: Simon Cowell’s opinions have been built over a reasonably successful career. He knows what he’s talking about. A child of any stripe really doesn’t know what he’s talking about, and it’s infuriating that our job descriptions include “listen to what child says,” and “honor what child feels.” Barring those, I’d ignore that little social critic.

    In his defense, though, I don’t see how a Christian can believe in the death penalty, either. I don’t know how any thinking, feeling person can be. But I don’t know very much and my parents’ job descriptions didn’t include those mandates to listen and honor. So, I kind of count as a child.

    [It won’t help you, I’m sure, but I prep answers for my little Out-Of-Left-Field-er. I knew he’d some day ask about god, about death, about sex, about babies, about war, about guns, etc. So I prepared and knew what I wanted to say so that even at terrible moments like the grocery store or post office line, I’d have an easy answer that cleaves to my principles. I don’t have an answer prepared about my kid selling the house when we die. He’s already said he wants to move out and build his own house, so I don’t think he cares about whether ours is falling apart.]
    Naptimewriting recently posted…Wordless WednesdayMy Profile

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  7. SisterMerryHellish

    Hmm…Perhaps you only have one child and this second one is the manifestation of your inner critic? If he’s talking to no one in particular, maybe it’s because no one but you can hear him.

    If no one else sees him and he knows things about you only you would know I’d seek help. And by that I mean start drinking until he turns into a mute sea monkey you can distract by holding a light up to his tank.

    Please report back.
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  8. Diane Laney Fitzpatrick

    This is too funny. I know it’s easy for me to say, but living with your son would be like watching a really funny movie all the time. He’s a hoot.

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  12. Wicked Shawn

    Might I make just a couple of suggestions:

    “This house will be very hard to sell when you die and I inheret it because of these ants.”
    “Yes, I know, that is our plan”

    “You shouldn’t jump up and down like that, you are a middle age woman.”
    “You will never get your inheretance if I don’t do something to speed the process.”

    “I don’t know how a Christian can ever support death penalty!”
    “Nor do I, but then, I am fairly certain as a good Christian, it is important never to judge another person or their choices and opinions.”

    😉

    And I still think you don’t give yourself nearly enough credit, because nothing short of an incredible mother could be raising two such wonderful boys!!
    Wicked Shawn recently posted…11 MinutesMy Profile

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  13. Andrea

    I am with Dufmanno here. I’m glad you share these instances with us — it makes you both endearing to me. He must take after his momma, questioning things that need questioned. 🙂 And it makes you wonder where else his soul has been.
    Andrea recently posted…Speechless Yet AgainMy Profile

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  14. Lies

    I can imagine it is confronting… but if I were you, I’d be proud to have a son as smart as that! I can’t wait for the moment when he catches up on the inconsistencies of the christian faith… ;).
    Lies recently posted…Locking loveMy Profile

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  20. Alissa

    This reminds me so much of my 4-year-old daughter. She asked me if I believed in God, and I said no, and she asked for the phone so she could call my in-laws and tell on me. “No, give me the phone! What’s the number?” I told her she shouldn’t do that because they will freak out and never speak to us again, and she sighed, “Can I tell YOUR parents?”

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      If I were the Christian parent in the house, I’d be feeling the same way. However, I am trying to toe the “I respect your religion” line and therefore it makes it hard for me to react… Do mixed faith families really ever works?

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  22. secret agent woman

    I’ve been dealing with this since my older son started stringing words into sentences at 14 months. I thought I’d get a break with the next one, but no. And so I’ve fielded the queries about inheritance, and the questions about whether I was sure there wasn’t another baby in my belly because it sure looked like there was, and the wondering about how any sane person could be anything other than an atheist and on and on. But you know – I don’t think I’d have it any other way.
    secret agent woman recently posted…From the dorm walls.My Profile

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  23. Nance

    We have a tendency to produce these odd ducks in my family, too. My son’s first phrases were:

    “Oh, no, me”

    “Hard do”

    And, “I can’t want to.”

    During a recent visit, my four year old grandson informed me, “I’m very tired of old. Young people live in houses and old people live in motels.”

    Whatever happened to children keeping us young?!
    Nance recently posted…August Anniversary Comment Winners!My Profile

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