Remember to say I Love You

This is an updated post from two years ago. I am bringing it up because 1) I had only one reader at that time, 2) StoryCorps recently posted an animated video to accompany a father’s recollection of 911 that I think everybody should listen to… So here it is…

One thing about being a parent is that it is probably one of the most universal experiences to relate to people around you.  Complete strangers in the street.  Writers speaking through printed words.  Bloggers on the interweb. Folks you see on the news.

Everybody is somebody else’s child.

Every year, around this fateful day, we heard the stories from parents who lost their children on that day, and I couldn’t stop crying the entire day.  I would pull myself together.  And then the thought “what would I do if it happened to my children?” would trigger another fit.  I don’t presume that I understand the heartaches these parents go through every moment.  Judging by the pain in my chest as I type this, I don’t think I will ever be able to imagine the intensity of it.

I left the house at 7:44 on September 11, 2009, 2 minutes before it was 8:46 am on the East Coast…

NPR played the interview of a fire fighter who lost both of his sons at the World Trade Center.  I steeled myself against the impact.

Mr. John Vigiano Sr. is a retired firefighter.  One of his boys was a policeman, and the other, a firefighter.  When John became a firefight, he received his grandfather’s badge number, 3436.

“We had the boys for — John for 36 years, Joe for 34 years, ironically. Badge number 3436.”

This was when my tears started and they have not been completely stopped yet.  I had to pull my car off to the side of the road after what Mr. Vigiano said about their unimaginable loss:

“I don’t have any could’ve, should’ve or would’ves.  I wouldn’t have changed anything.  It’s not many people that the last words they said to their son or daughter was ‘I love you.'”

 

You can read the NPR Story here. Or listen to the StoryCorps recording: Firefighter Father Recalls Losing Sons On 9/11. Or watch the StoryCorps video below.

 

John and Joe from StoryCorps on Vimeo.

p.s. I learned of this video from It Is Monday… which I subscribe to.

22 thoughts on “Remember to say I Love You

  1. Andrea

    Total heartache. I can’t imagine. But I’m always in awe of people who suffer through great tragedy and still say “I wouldn’t have changed a thing — everything was so wonderful as it was.” That’s incredible.
    Andrea recently posted…Speechless Yet AgainMy Profile

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  2. Sunny

    This is the only place I have read others express their thoughts of not being able to watch, read or hear anything about 9/11. For 9 years I have tried to shut that day out of my memory. I know that if I didn’t I wouldn’t be alive today. The first year I was a wreck, and it made people uncomfortable, so I just internalized it. Now I just keep from looking at the images or watching any TV at all for the week before or after. I have a child who lives in NYC and my anxiety is overwhelming. I don’t pretend it never happened. I just pray for everyone who has suffered because of it.

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      I am so sorry that it’s been so tough on your psyche. I guess we all cope differently, and the key really is to let each deal with these things in his or her own way. No judgement. We can never presume to understand what the others are going through. {{{hugs}}}

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  3. Nance

    I heard the NPR story and, sick of crying, I had to turn off the radio; there’s only so much limp I can stand. Then, I had to decide whether to feel guilty about that or not. For some reason, I find it easier to read about tragedy than to hear it…something to do with wiring, I s’pose.

    Here’s a tip from one mother to another: Do NOT go to the theater to see “Sarah’s Key.” Just don’t. It’s a beautiful movie, but, with your tender mother’s heart, you won’t be okay to drive home for a ridiculous amount of time.
    Nance recently posted…Groping For The Big Picture And Finding OneMy Profile

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Ok. I won’t. Thank you for the warning! So far there have been several movies that I cannot bring myself to watch (in addition to the obvious tough ones, e.g. Schindler’s List. I mean I watched it of course but I will not be able to watch it again. The Graves of Fireflies, a Japanese anime movie, is another one…) : The Other End of the Ocean (?) is one of them. I may be able to watch it once my youngest turns 21 or something like that. At the other end of the spectrum is movies that depicts kids going down the spiral so fast that will make all parents paranoid and stressed out. After watching the movie 13, my husband told me to NEVER EVER watch that movie. He said, “You are crazy enough. You don’t need that movie to scare you more…” Ha.

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  4. BigLittleWolf

    In a world that is – at times – so painful to process that it’s nearly impossible to get out of bed, so much can be “righted” by an act of compassion, or heartfelt words from one human being to another.

    How easy it is to forget that life is precious and fragile.

    I tell my sons I love them quite a lot. Like I mean it.
    BigLittleWolf recently posted…Comment on Pausing At The Light by CarolMy Profile

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