Posts tagged as:

i am probably sharing too much so your life may be in danger

The Little Light that Could

January 6, 2011

in random

I have not been able to focus and write anything since December 30 because on our flight back home, my husband asked me WHEN and WHY I became so politically aware and belligerent, bordering on snobbish. I was caught off guard and tongue-tied. Lots of soul searching on my part since then and panicking.

I became pretty despondent about our future because if I cannot talk about politics and religion even with my spouse…

I EVEN pondered the possibility of me learning to like watching sports and us becoming a family that watches football on the weekend, for about 5 seconds. *shudder*

Once again, this goes to prove why and how blogging is only good for my sanity and marriage.

UNTIL on the morning of January 1st, as I was brushing my teeth, husband sauntered in with a big smile on his face while holding the mini book light I got in my Christmas stocking.

“I saw this lying around on your night stand and I was horrified at first. ‘I can’t believe she just left this thing lying around where the kids can see!’” He chuckled.

I burst out laughing as the mental image of a side-by-side comparison popped up like a light bulb.

“You should take a picture of THIS and blog about it.”

So I did.

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thou doth protest too much The Little Light that Could

Thou doth protest too much...

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We Vibe The Little Light that Could

NOT a book light

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We-Vibe. A sexy, fun couple’s toy from the generous Sandy, aka Ms. June/Lady Godiva,  over at Toy With Me.  And yes, you’ll probably need to read the review to figure out how this thing is supposed to be positioned… Harrumph.

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Reading Light The Little Light that Could

"Dont cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?"

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Tagged as: detour, funny haha, i am probably sharing too much so your life may be in danger, imma crazy like that, metablogging, not talking about what i really want to talk about, things most likely only i find amusing

{ 10 comments }

Envy

November 21, 2010

in therapy in session

Of all the Seven Deadly sins, ENVY arguably is the root of all evil, imo.

Of the seven deadly sins, only envy is no fun at all.       — Joseph Epstein

Kevin Spacey obviously agrees and that’s why his character in Seven saved Envy the Sin for himself…

It is also in the Ten Commandments in the form of the Tenth Commandment:

Thou Shall Not Covet.

Envy is an emotion that occurs when a person lacks another’s (perceived) superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it. (Wikipedia. What else?)

Most of the strife and many of the abhorrent, cruel, cold acts men committed against fellow men in this world have been caused by envy. To understand Envy, we need to understand the differences between Envy and his close cousin, Jealousy.

“Envy” and “Jealousy” are often used interchangeably, but in correct usage, they stand for two different distinct emotions. In proper usage, jealousy is the fear of losing something that one possesses to another person (a loved one in the prototypical form), while envy is the pain or frustration caused by another person having something that one does not have oneself. Envy typically involves two people, and jealousy typically involves three people.

(Wekipedia. Sigh. Maybe I SHOULD make a donation to Wikipedia after all…)

Or as Aristotle said…

Jealousy is both reasonable and belongs to reasonable men, while envy is base and belongs to the base, for the one makes himself get good things by jealousy, while the other does not allow his neighbour to have them through envy.

In this sense, Jealousy implies that there is a “reason” behind the emotion that human beings should be able to relate to: the fear of losing a loved one to someone with something more desirable, whereas Envy causes you to stand alone with your rage (for the rage “It is not fair” inadvertently comes when one is envious of someone else for something; the rage becomes even more severe when one recognizes that there is nothing unfair about the situation and yet cannot help but feel the tightening of one’s heart)

The emotion used most often to explain the motif (if there HAS TO BE one) for Iago’s actions in Othello is envy. I despise any attempt by modern scholars and especially, theatrical directors to turn his motif from Envy to Jealousy, creating a plausible yet cheapening story of Iago’s potential infatuation with Desdemona or Othello.

Why does Iago’s action have to be interpreted with reason? Envy is irrational, pure and simple. And what makes it the worst of all human emotions: It is isolating, unproductive, and more often than not, destructive. And it lives within all of us.

Here is my confession.

Envy lives within my heart and I cannot ward it off completely, 24/7.

When I marvel at undeserved good fortunes and when I subjectively decide who is or is not worthy of such good fortunes. When I belittle the fashion world and the people living in it. When I complain about my sister-in-law whose husband does all her bidding and whose parents are at the ready to provide long-term free babysitting. When I go out of my way to ignore bloggers whose husbands cannot get enough of them in the bedrooms and, it seems, everywhere else. When I tighten my fists reading about husbands who help around the house after an 8-hour work day. When I make fun of the really wealthy for their frivolous purchases or idiosyncrasies. When I look down at the young for their recklessness and carefree-ness.

I cannot honestly say that I do not feel envious.

When I witness brilliance and genius.

I cannot honestly say that I do not feel Antonio Salieri’s pain, that I do not understand where his hatred of Mozart came from.

Even though I could comfort myself with the understanding and perhaps acceptance that “There is not a passion so strongly rooted in the human heart as envy” (Richard Brinsley Sheridan, the guy who wrote The School for Scandal), I despise and scare myself when I recognize envy in my heart. I look in the mirror and I see ugliness. Embarrassed and ashamed. I close my eyes, shake my head, breathe deeply, willing it to go away by counting my blessings.

I learn to truly recognize and sincerely admire the brilliance and genius in those surrounding me.

This has served me well in blogosphere.

Tagged as: i am probably sharing too much so your life may be in danger, i forgot where i was going with this rambling or whether there was a point to begin with, i wish you'd told me that honesty does not pay, my therapy

{ 20 comments }

Thank goodness Halloween is here because I look better in drag

October 28, 2010

in therapy in session

Woman on the edge 600x349 Thank goodness Halloween is here because I look better in drag

Disclaimer: Objects in the mirror are both closer and farther than they appear.

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Preamble: I have no idea what the point of this post is or whether there is any. Except to demonstrate the power of Picnik, the danger of believing in profile pictures in social media (Think Catfish), and the fact I look much better in black and white which is why I secretly long for living in Pleasantville before those stupid kids ruined it for everybody, and I will gladly trade places with Tom Baxter in The Purple Rose of Cairo, incidentally a movie I also watched multiple times hoping Tom would turn and address me directly, “Hey you!”

..I

For our graduate production, my undergraduate class staged M. Butterfly by David Henry Hwang. The play calls for an Asian man to live in drag, pretending to be a woman and fooling the self-delusional French diplomat (based on a real scandal!) None of our male classmates stepped up to the plate, and therefore we had a woman playing a man playing a woman.

Although I suspect that how we did it due to necessity was not optimal for the theatrical production, I later learned that there is a term for this: Faux Queen, aka Biologically-challenged drag queen, Female female impersonator, or Female impersonator impersonator.

When I was young, I fantasized about dressing up as a man because being a man gives you a lot more freedom (Think Mulan). I wanted to be a swordswoman in one of the Wu Xia novels or movies (Think Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon), dressed up as a young warrior scholar so I could roam the world and right the wrongs.

To this day I look forward to rainy days before or after it actually rains. It gives me an excuse to walk around with an umbrella.

I was fascinated by Victor Victoria and (still) believe that Julie Andrews looked much better as Victor.

For the majority of my high school career, all girls school, hello! I did behave and dress more towards the male end of the spectrum: closely cropped hair, asexual clothing, and let’s not forget, aviator sunglasses. I was known to make young girls blush when they mistook me for a dashing young man. Well, I was relatively tall and lanky and handsome. In a manga-character-like, pre-sexual, innocent kind of way. For a bunch of high school girls with similar lack of exposure and access to the other sex.

When I said I peaked at the age of 18, until then I had been living an arguably cloistered life, I was not kidding. Being naturally feminine has never been my strong suit. And of course, who’s to say what defines femininity any more, and the distablizing ambiguity suits me fine.

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CODA: You know, I’ve struggled with this post since Monday. Normally if I am having such trouble with the direction I have been going in a post, I’d scratch it. Just as I was ready to give up and start anew some other time, I realized that Monday was the day when I bought my plane tickets home. This rambling on gender roles and prescribed femininity came from my anxiety of going home home next week. As much as I feel unease sometimes in this country, I feel/fear that I stand out like a sore thumb (and to some extent literally since I am tall by the local standard) over there. Oh well. I will be a woman playing a woman. Thespians, we are good at it, eh?

Tagged as: All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players, because i srly need to talk about myself more, i am probably sharing too much so your life may be in danger, i should have gone to bed, imma be me, imma crazy like that, too old for teenage angst, you can never go home again

{ 42 comments }

Called My Bluff

September 1, 2010 therapy in session

. The phone rang and I noticed the number was an unfamiliar one. Even the area code was one that I did not recognize. “Hello. Hi. Let me introduce myself. I am So and So calling from blah blah blah…” That’s all I heard since I pegged her as one of the telemarketers. I was [...]

Tagged as: i am probably sharing too much so your life may be in danger, i wish you'd told me that honesty does not pay, my therapy, working

63 comments
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