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not from the Onion

That is, OSAMA Bin Laden is dead. In case you are confused, like this Fox Network station.

You are welcome.

 


Source: twitpic @KyleHudgins

 

It seems that this is one of the criteria to be working at a Fox News network station… Worse than the mistake above that could have been a simple, innocent, typo, the video below shows a slip that really makes you go, “Huh. I wonder how long he’s been practicing saying that?”

 

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This is 100% innocent. I swear.

September 14, 2010

in random

Dear Soren Lorensens,

I know I have not been a good blogger: for one, I haven’t managed to respond to the comments you kindly left me so I don’t go into yet another bout of depression thinking that nobody loves me. I have also not been leaving comments on your blogs. I am killing my Tamagotchi here.

I finally have some time now to surf the Interweb without people walking by seeing my monitor (which is conveniently facing the frigging door!!!!). The office is empty. Yes, between gallivanting around Boston as if I were single again and hanging out with you guys online, I CHOOSE YOU! (Take that, Pikachu!) However, I feel it is my duty to bring your attention to this commercial for a new fangled weight training product.

I saw it today at a sports bar (for a work function, I swear…) magnified manifold on multiple giant HD TV screens. I burst out laughing but then quickly caught myself.

Is it just me?

This is absolutely innocent. Really. Honest to god. I mean, they show this in prime time. On ESPN. In crowded bars. Frequented by manly men. But why do I feel dirty?

(Watch especially Sec. 35 and onward. Oh my lord)


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By now everyone of us have heard of what Pat Robertson has to say about the earthquake that just about leveled Haiti. I cannot help it, here is the highlight of his point:

“They were under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon III and whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, ‘We will serve you if you will get us free from the French.’ True story. And so, the devil said, ‘OK, it’s a deal.'”

If you have a strong stomach and does not wince easily, here is the broadcast of his show where he made this, eh, huh, “unfortunate” statement.

First we were shocked. Disbelief. Then we quickly got over the puzzlement of “Why is Pat Robertson still relevant?” amidst this unspeakable human tragedy and the global mobilization to send aids to this country that had so little for its people and so much to suffer even before the devastations by the earthquake. But a response must be given. And how?

How do you even react to something so outlandish that your first thought was, “Is this from The Onion, again? The Onion surely has been making into a lot of high-profile news lately…”

Why, a letter from the devil himself, of course!

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll. You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best,
Satan


This letter was sent in to Star Tribune in the Twin Cities by a reader named Lily Coyle. Whoever you are, wherever you are, God Bless You, Lily Coyle.

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The Comcastic Super Bowl Happy Ending. Watch porn and we’ll pay you $10!!

February 3, 2009 marketing at work

This story is too funny to be true. I have to hop over to Snopes.com to make sure that the story itself is not a prank, and verify with The Onion that they did not pen this story. So by now everybody in the US has heard of the surprise given to 85,000 families in […]

“Pay-As-You-Go Airline Charges by the Minute”

January 7, 2009 marketing at work

This from one of my fav magazines, Wired.   When I saw the headline, I thought to myself, "Great, now they have run out of things to charge us for, since they are asking the passengers to pay for everything including tiny bags of pretzels and water, they are going to charge us for sitting […]

NOT from the Onion, surprisingly: Russian analyst predicts USA to break up into 5 countries!

January 6, 2009 random

When you first read it in the Drudge Report on November 25, 2008, you probably wondered, "Did I click on the wrong URL?  Is this The Onion?" "RUSSIAN ANALYST PREDICTS DECLINE AND BREAKUP OF USA" A leading Russian political analyst has said the economic turmoil in the United States has confirmed his long-held view that […]