Posts tagged as:

sarcastic bitches rock

Porn for Women

July 31, 2011

in random

You can say that I have given up on attracting more male readers… Since I am of the Drastic Measure type of bitches: It is All or Nothing to me, I have decided to actively repel men*, esp. the straight kind. Let’s go all the way, baby!

 

PornforWomenCover Porn for Women

This is a real book.

The Cambridge Women’s Pornography Cooperative asked women, young, old, rich, and poor, “What really, really gets you hot?” Armed with their findings, they worked day and night to create Porn for Women.

(Granted, the book should have been more accurately titled “Porn for Straight Women”… And some of the things attributed to the men/actors are plainly condescending, if not insulting, to women IMO, such as “Ooh Look! The NFL Playoffs are today. I bet we’ll have no trouble parking at the craft’s fair.”…  At any rate, I hope you all get the chuckle or drool out of these…)

 

Some choice pornographic photos from the book:

I love a clean house Porn for Women

Porn for women 3 Porn for Women

Porn for Women 4 600x306 Porn for Women

Porn for Women 5 Porn for Women

Porn for Women 6 Porn for Women

 

I found the following on Flickr:

Porn for Women 2 600x422 Porn for Women

2733743516 61ec743fac z 450x600 Porn for Women

(This one, to me, is more about fairness: Yup. If you make the mess, you clean up the mess. IMO, most men that claim they love to cook do not have to clean up the pots and pans afterwards. If they had to clean up afterwards, they would not have used three pots to cook one dish!)

 

 

 

As Liz Lemon would say:

I want to go to there.

high five Porn for Women

 

 

* I understand that this is an affectatious** statement: by claiming that I am actively repelling men, I am implying that otherwise they would have visited this blog in drones. It’s like I prefer to think to myself that people dislike me because 1) they are racists, 2) they hate my gut. The truth is, I am deeply aware of this, they probably simply dislike me because they dislike me.

** The use of the word “affectatious” is itself ironically affectatious.***

*** The fact that I pointed the above out is an act of affectation.

**** And so on, and so forth.

***** I don’t really worry about the fact that I have few male readers. In order to prove myself to you, I will talk about menstrual cycles next.

****** Why is “MEN” in the word “MENstrual”?

******* Come to think of it, I think Elly has beat me to it [i.e. talking about menstrual cycles] with this video she posted on her blog called “Her First Period”.

******** I really should turn my footnotes into a separate blog post. And I am writing my footnotes before I write the post proper, and am having more fun doing this.

******** Do people even read these footnotes?

{ 24 comments }

I heard this study that was published this May on the radio today. The headline is:

Men relax best when wives are doing housework chores!

 

My first question was: How is it possible that I did not hear about this until now?! Is the Universe conspiring to keep this earth-shattering news from me?

You are probably thinking: “I need a study to tell me this?” I know. But it is always nice to have your suspicion confirmed by rigorous scientific research.

For starters, the researchers “measured stress hormones and daily activities”, specifically, they “sampled saliva repeatedly to measure cortisol, which increases in stressful situations”, a most objective measurement: so there is no arguing that women only feel more stressed because they bitch about everything and they CARE MORE about whether the dishes are done, the laundry is folded, and the floor is not covered with random objects.

The study was done with researchers observing “30 dual-earner couples in Los Angeles, each with at least one child ages 8-10. Most had two or three children. The average marriage was 13 years and the average age was 41… Over four days, two weekend days and two weekdays, researchers tracked activities at 10-minute intervals.”

And here are the highlights of their findings:

  • For women, healthier cortisol levels resulted when their husbands spent more time pitching in on housework
  • For husbands, more leisure time was linked with healthier cortisol when their wives spent more time doing house-related work and less time in leisure.
  • Men, when they come back home, tend to be alone in a room.
  • Women, when get back home, tend to be with one or more children doing childcare.
  • When women are alone, they tend to be doing housework; When men are alone, they tend to be relaxing.

(Note that none of these families have YOUNG CHILDREN. I can only imagine the discrepancy to be even more skewed between men and women were babies and toddlers present in these households studied)

 

You know what? All my feminist sisters could throw banana peels at me. I am not outraged by the research findings at all. Nope.  Au contraire!

I. AM. ELATED.

Why?

Because I am going to remember this research next time I hear about some other woman talking about how her husband pitches in, 50-50, and then I will not secretly hide in the bathroom and cry.

Because I am normal. I am NOT alone. I am part of the statistics. Part of the cogs that make up normalcy. Like the common stock photos showing a man reading newspaper while his wife vacuums and him lifting his legs up for the vacuum out of consideration.

Kapow! Woohoo! I am doing a happy dance while I survey the disaster zone that is our house and also my weekend project. (If you call housework a PROJECT, you feel more accomplished and less housewifery…)

 

My life as clipart Just sit down and relax, honey.

It is truly a relief to know I am simply part of the normalcy.

 

{ 10 comments }

anthony weiner pregnant fathers day ecards someecards Happy Fathers Day! Really. I mean it.

 

Joy of Tech fathers day card for darth 600x600 Happy Fathers Day! Really. I mean it.

 

Chris Rock Fathers Day Hallmark Card 420x600 Happy Fathers Day! Really. I mean it.

 

It is your day Happy Fathers Day! Really. I mean it.

 

At 11:50pm, both boys were still awake. Hey, no judging! Summer vacation…

Mr Monk, my 8 year old: *sigh* In 10 minutes, I cannot be mean to dad any more.

Me: Oh, you are right. It will be Father’s Day.

Him: (Shrugs) Well, enjoy it while it lasts!

Me: (Thinking to myself) That’s what she said!

{ 12 comments }

Things I learned today

January 29, 2011 random

. I will never ever be able to fold a fitted sheet perfectly no matter how much time I spend on it. Fitted sheet, consider yourself folded. . . . Checking my email is never going to be “QUICK”. I will always spend more than “Just one minute” when I log in my email account. [...]

30 comments

Saturday Smörgåsbord

January 22, 2011 random

I have been watching SpongeBob with Mr. Monk this whole day except when I am being the Chauffeur. (And I know I am not the only Weekend Chauffeur around here…) You know what I admire SpongeBob the most? He does not seem to understand the concept of Envy and Jealousy, and therefore he is always genuinely over-the-top [...]

44 comments

The Need for Convenient Justification

January 19, 2011 no manual for parenting

This is a different reaction from my reading of the controversy surrounding Amy Chua’s WSJ article, “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior?” Yesterday, I said, Bring it on! The can of worms has been opened! Today, I will continue to clear this raging case of “Oh oh oh I have something to say Pick Me Pick Me” [...]

26 comments

NaBloPoMo Final Stretch. More white socks please!

November 29, 2010 random

Dear Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, are you sure I really need to add FOUR tablespoons of butter? Isn’t that like, a lot? Dear vegetarians, I hate to tell you, but Tofurkey does not look nor taste like turkey. Or anything that is benign. If you are going to be a vegetarian, just suck it up [...]

14 comments

Jan Brewer: The New Face for the Fight Against Glossophobia

September 8, 2010 imho is just a polite way to say I know you don't give a hoot what I think but I'm going to say it anyway

Jan Brewer. We all came to know Jan Brewer, the current Governor of the State of Arizona when on the fateful day of April 23, 2010, against (and perhaps delighted in?) the rising controversy and media scrutiny, she signed the “Support Our Law Enforcement and Safe Neighborhoods Act” (aka Arizona SK 1070), setting the record [...]

45 comments

How to Talk to People (Now with Visual Aids)

August 20, 2010 a picture is worth a thousand words

“7 magical conversational phrases” I came across this article the other day on Match.com. (Eh. Don’t ask WHY I was on Match.com… That hot sexy blonde whose picture is winking at ya? Yup. That’s my profile: I used a picture I took of A Vapid Blonde… Now you know. People LIE about these things…) It [...]

40 comments

WTF Wednesday: Blast from the Past

May 26, 2010 random

I recently remembered that I have kept my computer files from the last century somewhere on the hard drive and went looking.  I came upon a Letter to Nobody that I wrote in 1997 documenting an interesting encounter that I have since forgotten. What surprises and delights me is that I sounded just as sarcastic, [...]

23 comments