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I know it is kind of lame to keep on writing posts about how I am totally swamped and apologizing for MIA. I am being a selfish blogger at this moment: all taking and no giving back. I am compelled to write this post because I want to use this quote:

“I’ve got my country’s five hundredth anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I’m swamped.”

Prince Humperdinck, as quoted by William @ Poop and Boogies

 

It’s ok though because I have told William that Imma gonna steal this quote. Because it is way cooler than putting up this picture on my homepage.

 

And now I am going to encourage all of your who are also under the water, barely hanging on to your multitasking sanity to steal this quote and post it on your blog.

 

We have a gorgeous day here in Chicago. In the 80s. I took a water taxi this morning to the new office.

I was on a friggin’ boat!

This song really was what I was humming the whole time I was on the water taxi boat.

(Note to self: Do NOT show this to your kids. Too late I guess. Now let’s hope they heed your warning of not repeating the bad words…)

 

Ok. I will come 100% clean. I am posting (instead of writing a check to IRS for the fines associated with our 2009 filing) because I want to pimp this video below…

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$5000 a Bullet

January 13, 2011

in this i believe

Many of us have seen Chris Rock’s standup routine on gun control, or as he called it “Bullet Control”, either on YouTube or in the movie Bowling for Columbine.

In the wake of the shooting in Arizona, there is a heated discussion surrounding the fact that 1) the gunman fired off a large capacity magazine with 30 bullets within seconds and ended up killing 6 people and wounding 14 (He was subdued when he paused to reload), and 2) the federal law that would have banned assault weapons and gun magazines that can hold more than 10 bullets expired in 2004 because the congress failed to renew it.

It just seems so poignant right now. From the mouth of a comedian.

(The transcript of Chris Rock’s routine is after the jump in case you cannot watch the video because 1) your phone sucks like mine, 2) you are being productive)

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And everybody’s talking about gun control. “Got to get rid of the guns.”

Fuck that. l like guns.

You got a gun, you don’t have to work out.

l ain’t working out. l ain’t jogging. You got pecs, l got Tecs.

Fuck that shit.

You don’t need no gun control.

You know what you need? We need some bullet control.

Man, we need to control the bullets, that’s right.

l think all bullets should cost 5000 dollars.

5000 dollars for a bullet. You know why?

‘Cause if a bullet costs 5000 dollars, there’d be no more innocent bystanders.

That’d be it.

Every time somebody gets shot, people will be like,

“Damn, he must have did something.”

“Shit, they put 50,000 dollars worth of bullets in his ass.”

And people would think before they killed somebody, if a bullet cost 5000 dollars.

“Man, l would blow your fucking head off, if l could afford it.”

“l’m gonna get me another job, l’m gonna start saving some money… and you’re a dead man.”

“You better hope l can’t get no bullets on layaway.”

So even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you won’t have to go to no doctor to get it taken out: whoever shot you would take their bullet back.

“l believe you got my property?!”

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Ah Jimmy Kimmel. My favorite Late Night Show host. (Sorry darling Wicked Shawn. I know you have the super hots for the other Jimmy. Although it pangs me to disagree with you, I believe that THIS Jimmy is so much funnier as a talk show host… Well, now we won’t fight and each have our own Jimmy to jimmy with… )

My Jimmy decided to take on Facebook, the giant that just became a behemoth now that Facebook is offering a form of uber-email @Facebook.com that aims to keep all our young hooked on Facebook and never have any reason to go anywhere else. The thing with Facebook is that You and I and Jimmy are not Mark Zuckerberg’s target audience: he went straight to talk to high school students when they were designing Facebook email. This is where social media is like shopping on Rodeo Drive:

If you have to ask WHY, it is not meant for you.

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Jimmy Kimmel is trying to save Friendship (as we know it) by urging folks to unfriend friends that are not really friends on their Facebook. He calls today, November 17, the National UnFriend Day, aka NUD.

NUD is the international day when all Facebook users shall protect the sacred nature of friendship by cutting out any ‘friend fat’ on their pages occupied by people who are not truly their friends.

[And more importantly] Without guilt or retribution.

In one of his tongue-in-cheek skit, Jimmy suggested this method to see who one’s real friends are: “Update your Facebook status to say, ‘I am moving this Friday and I need movers”; those who that show up are your real friends.”

The fact that I am undercover as far as this blog is concerned, that I have two Facebook accounts and I update one account a lot more often and with more candor, that I maintain two Twitter accounts and I clearly identity with the one where I am not using my real name, points to the other fact that I have a very different definition and interpretation of “friends” from what Jimmy is based on for his new holiday.

Nevertheless, hilarity (has) ensued and I have been enjoying the comedic aspect of it.

From William Shatner (of course!), Danny McBride, Dr. Oz, Lisa Kudrow (“I know friends. I used to be one.”), Wolf Blitzer,

And there is some truth to what Jimmy presented in one of his fake tirades:

All men were not created equal. Some of them are very annoying!

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The most brilliant, most awesome thing, up until now, that came out of this fake NUD holdiday is the holiday theme song by WAR, called, you guessed it, “Why can’t we UNfriend?”

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vl-kYbgCsI

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Do Over: A perfect comeback is a terrible thing to waste

June 24, 2010 imho is just a polite way to say I know you don't give a hoot what I think but I'm going to say it anyway

. This picture of wishful thinking is at the beginning of this post to make it known with no uncertainty how much I love and respect Rachel Maddow. I also would like it to be known that my adoration for her is NOT bandwagon-jumping: I have professed my loyalty to Dr. Maddow as early as December 2008 […]

25 comments

Heartbreaking

May 12, 2010 imho is just a polite way to say I know you don't give a hoot what I think but I'm going to say it anyway

. . . . . . . . Our trip to St. Pete Beach, and especially North Beach at Fort De Soto was filled with moments of wonders: . . . . White sandy beaches, calm and clear water, massive expanse of azure that makes one understand what it means to not be able to […]

20 comments

Seriously. I could write a dissertation on this

April 24, 2010 marketing at work

My parents watch a lot of TV. They are at a stage where they deserve to do whatever they feel like, really, and my dad’s health does not allow him to stray away too much or too often from stationary activities. That being said, there are three televisions inside the 800-sq-ft. 3- BR apartment, so […]

26 comments

Let’s be creative! That’s so… BLEEP!

April 11, 2010 imho is just a polite way to say I know you don't give a hoot what I think but I'm going to say it anyway

Who here has an obsessive personality and voted “Most Likely to Grow Up Alex Forrest” in High School? ME! I just cannot let it go. Here’s what I wrote last week about the epidemic of the phrase “That’s so gay!”… Let’s start with the word “Gay”. Let’s start with banning the usage of the word […]

36 comments

I think my kids are scarred by this Christmas song…

December 17, 2009 no manual for parenting

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus* Yeah. You know the lyrics. And seriously? This song is wrong on so many different levels… The innocent explanation of course is that DADDY is dressed up as Santa Claus. So mommy is actually kissing daddy, only that the poor kid has no idea and is probably going to […]

26 comments

“We have nothing to fear from love and commitment”

December 3, 2009 this i believe

The State of New York voted down the gay marriage bill yesterday. By a vote of 38 to 24. There are 32 Democrats. Somehow I am not too surprised. Not because I am familiar with the NY political scene, but lately people have been letting me down. I am losing faith. (Don’t worry. This is supposed […]

20 comments

Bohemian Rhapsody. The Muppets Style. You complete me.

November 24, 2009 random

Laugh all you want. But my one favorite song, if I have to pick, is seriously Bohemian Rhapsody. I am a walking cliche, I know. I can listen to it over and over again all day long. Thanks to the invention of the Internet (Thank you, Al Gore! <– This is a repetitive trope here), […]

19 comments