Seeing how many of you are under the weather or are boarded up in your camp of resistance against some full-on attack by Black Death, I thought I’d introduce you to Tiger Balm.
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It cures everything.
In the same fashion that Chris Rock introduced us to the omnipotent healing power of Robitussin. “‘Mo’ Tussin’! MO’ TUSSION’!”
Got a headache? Rub some Tiger Balm on your temples and behind the ears.
Got sinus pain? Rub it on the sides of your nose.
Got nasal congestion? Rub it under your nose.
Chest congestion? Rub some on your chest.
Aching muscles? Rub it all over the problem areas.
Joint pain? Rub it on the troublesome joint.
You got a tummy ache? Rub some on your tummy.
Itchy from some pesky insect bites. Rub it on!
Rub it on wherever it hurts or itches.
Warning: DO NOT GET IT ANYWHERE NEAR YOUR EYE. I learned that from actual experiences the hard away.
Another warning: Oh for goodness sake, DO NOT TOUCH YOUR JUNK AFTER YOU HAVE APPLIED TIGER BALM ON OTHER AREAS OF YOUR BODY. Washing your hands before you touch your junk is not going to help because the ointment is so powerful, it will still sting. Eh, I learned that from ahem some guy.
Disclaimer: As magical as it may be, Tiger Balm will not, however, cure Man Cold. “For God’s sake, woman, he’s a man, he’s got a man cold!”
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Tiger Balm will not stop a runny nose either, unfortunately. For that, I hereby introduce you to:
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A Japanese “Chindōgu” (meaning Unusual, Precious Tool)
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And with this awesome hat, I hereby introduce you to “How to Rock Sexy in Your Pajamas and Bunny Slippers with a Kleenex in Your Pocket (that May or May Not Be Used)”:
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Yeah! You like that? Mmm. It’s got pockets. Are you into that? Uh. What’s this? A used Kleenex!
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And thank goodness for this song by The Cure (Get it? “The Cure”?) that I can tie this gaping post neatly into a bundle and put an end to it.
TGIF! You know why? Because Friday I’m in Love!
(Get it? “Friday I’m in Love”? Oh, never mind…)
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httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wa2nLEhUcZ0
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p.s. You know who has taken this “tie a blog post nicely and cleverly with a song” to an art form? Every single post? A Little Bit Rock n Roll, that’s who.
Very good article, very enlightening, I make use of Chinese tiger balm ointment was always very effective.
Muito bom o artigo, bem esclarecedor, faço uso da pomada chinesa tiger balm sempre foi muito eficaz.
I love Tiger Balm.
I love the Cure.
One I use for aching; one I use for moping.
Just thought I’d share.
Naptimewriting recently posted…A life- simplified
Oh yes, I grew up with Tiger Balm and am quite aware of its healing power. But with the inclusion of 30 Rock and The Cure this post just went from cute to golden!
Justine recently posted…The Dodo in my life
Thank you. Thank you. You know I PLANNED this right? RIGHT? RIGHTTTT?!!!
You know, I don’t often laugh at posts anymore…maybe because everyone tries so hard to be funny (which is way better than morbid)…..but I almost peed my pants at the toilet tissue contraption!! This post was hilarious.
Also—I was raised using Tiger Balm (it’s surprisingly expensive??!!). My mom spent her high school years in Okinawa….apparently it is a cure-all there, too.
Wildology recently posted…Species- Single-Male-Wildlifer
It’s cool that your mom did that. No wonder she is so awesome and you are too. 🙂
I didn’t realize Tiger Balm is expensive here! Now you MUST give me your address so I can send you one!
Yo – you are NOT kidding about the Tiger Balm, sister! That stuff is MAGIC in a super cute little jar! I could not sleep at night if I thought I didn’t have some Tiger Balm in the house (or was on the verge of running out) – I would straight up have to run to the nearest store and snatch some up, just to alleviate my anxiety and be able to get some rest.
Michelle recently posted…Spitting Cobrabut with some creamer
I now wonder whether I should have arranged for some Tiger Balm sponsorship before I put this post up. LOL. You are going to be in the commercial too!
The man cold is a myth. I know, I am a man and I have never experienced it. Nor have I ever heard any of my friends mention it either.
Jack recently posted…It Was My Favorite Toy
I don’t know what to say. If my husband is sick or stubs his toe etc it just seems that he is suffering a lot more. My theory is that he has a lower threshold for pain.
I’m suddenly thankful I don’t have a cold.
secret agent woman recently posted…Why I dont do well with sleep deprivation
Come on. That HAT is not that bad. 😉
I must get some of this magic, see how I didn’t tie any of that to anything, or something.
linlah recently posted…we eat heart healthy
LOL. This made me laugh so hard.
I DO love TigerBalm. I almost forgot that we have it. Wonder what I can use it on….. I must have something.
Threaten your husb with it when he wants to feed you Orange + Tofu Juice made with his new juicer!! 😉
I’m thinking of putting some Tiger Balm right underneath my nose every workday afternoon around 2:30 when the owner comes in smoking a cigar that would choke an Opracabra!
And the Japenese Unusual Precious… I’ve been sick enough for that to make sense!
SisterMerryHellish recently posted…YouTube How-To- Q is for Quit Smoking
You are sick too baby? I am so sorry to hear that! {{{hugs}}}
Yes, that is another use for Tiger Balm: In the morgue. You know, like what they do on CSI.
We buy Tiger Balm in bulk. I have used it for many years. The first time I walked into a Relax Your Back store in San Diego to buy an office chair I could hardly stand up from the pain in my back. The sales gal handed me a jar of Tiger Balm and sent me to the restroom to rub it into the sore place on my lower back. I bought my awesome chair and left the store to go to the pharmacy to purchase my first Tiger Balm. The way people used to push Vicks when I was young is the way Tiger Balm is today. Only Tiger Balm is better.
TechnoBabe recently posted…Pleasant Surprise
They should ask you to be in their commercials! If they want to market their stuff other than word of mouth. 🙂
Thanks for the tutorial on Tiger Balm…I’ve heard of it, but never used it (anywhere!)…
Love the hat!
Hugs,
Wendy
writerwoman61 recently posted…‘Salt’y Tears…The Jolie Bids Adieu…
Give me your addy! I will send you one!!! 🙂
In fact, anybody that wants some Tiger Balm should send me your addy. LOL
Someone gave me Tiger Balm about 40 years ago. Now, The Cure is some Turkish balm Now Husband Dan introduced me to that his mom swore by. I think there is a little man somewhere producing this stuff and changing the countries or origen. Let’s talk more about the things Japanese folks come up with. I’ve seen some wild things.
Renee Fisher recently posted…8 months 176 bologna and cheese sandwiches
I wonder what ANIMAL is used on the packaging for the Turkish version?
You are going to be sorry that you asked! Chindogu is more like a school of thought, a hobby, an art, a philosophy, a TV show, a book and an obsession (for some) in Japan. If you google image for “Chindogu” you will lots, and amazingly, none of them of Hot Ladies of any kind. But here is a list of 10 that will make you laugh: http://purpleslinky.com/offbeat/chindogu-the-worlds-10-most-pointless-inventions/
I love them all. I had seen the vending machine one before. Methinks looking like a sanitary napkin vending machine would have protected them more than looking like a soft drink vending machine. The Turkish balm is called elmaya (or something like that). I don’t know if an animal is associated with it. According to my departed mother-in-law, it cures EVERYTHING (except Chindogu).
Renee Fisher recently posted…8 months 176 bologna and cheese sandwiches
Nothing cures Chindogu. Bawhahaha.
The Cure is great for just about any activity.
Scratch that. ANY. ACTIVITY.
And Tiger balm (along with NyQuil) is also NOT BLOODY SOLD IN THE UK.
Honestly, where am I living, Timbuktu??
– B x
The Barreness recently posted…Withdrawal is a bitch
I LOVE SAYING THE WORD Timbuktu.
Is that offensive to say to people living in Timbuktu?
Seriously, Sexy, I NEED to send you a care package. Like STAT!
Okay, I’ll get me some Tiger Balm. For sure.
But you’re right, there is no cure for man-cold. None.
Jana @ An Attitude Adjustment recently posted…Housewarming
LOL. Tru dat!
I’ve never tried Tiger Balm, but I have a good feeling about it. Anything named after a big cat is A-OK with me. Except Tiger Woods. He almost ruined Tigers for me.
alonewithcats recently posted…Excuse me- you’re standing on my neck
Also, I’m glad you figured out that Tiger Balm is NOT made of tiger! 🙂
I love The Cure! And this song particularly…
And I will keep your advise in mind, should I ever wanna touch my… junk? after applying tiger balm. But just in case it would accidentally happen, I’m starting a search for better-sounding euphemisms for my … junk. My … junk deserves better. I think. 😀
Lies recently posted…Paranaue- paranaue- parana
Dearest Lies, I am so sorry for what I am doing to you!!!!! You know how people outside of the US complain about the anti-intellectualism and the deliberate debasement of culture in this country? I feel so guilty for how I am “polluting” your mind! LOL.
That being said, how about Hooha? Coochie? Vajayjay (was used in a magazine displayed at my grocery store so I figure this word is now acceptable in polite company!!!!)? For your inspiration: http://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/vagina-nicknames
Again, I am so sorry. Please tell your girlfriend that she can punch me in the junk if we meet one day. 😉
p.s. “Real” Americans, do women have junks? Or rather, does “junk” also refer to our lady bits?
Actually, for this topic, I need to call the Calvary! I hope The Vapid Blonde and Elly and the whole gang visit this post some time soon to help you out!
I shit you not… I once got Tiger Balm in my chunny…. I didn’t mean to – and oh my god, it hurt.
Hey CHUNNY is a nice alternative too! 😉
(At first I read Chutney… and I was not so sure about it. It is NOT gritty is it?! LOL)
I have a jar of that magical stuff on my bedside table. And yes, contact lenses and Tiger Balm do not mix!
It is like handling mercury!
I have a pain in my ass. My children caused it. Will Tiger Balm work on that for me?
I am in awe of that nose-wiping contraption.
According to a “friend”, the sensation of Tiger Balm on your ass crack is not particularly pleasant. May even feel a bit like rubbing red hot chili on it. Also according to a “friend”…
*swoon* I have SO been in a Cure mood all week. *picks up Herbert* That makes me wonder…
Be still my heart! Can’t wait!!!