We can’t be friends if your name is Doug

Since I have started telling you English words that I simply have a hard time pronouncing, I thought I’d mention this:

What is up with the name DOUG?

I tried and tried and so far I don’t think I’ve managed to pronounce this name correctly. It sounds somewhere in the spectrum between “dog” and “da-g”. People are always going, “Huh? Dog? What?” Seriously? If I am talking about a person, WHAT OTHER NAME is there that sounds remotely like DOG other than DOUG?

One of the guys living in our street is named Doug. So far I have been referring to him as “so and so’s husband” and “so and so’s dad”. If I have to get his attention, well, I hope that day never comes because I really don’t want to be calling him “DOG!”

Yes, I am obsessed. It really bothers me that somehow I cannot master such a simple word. When I go to a social occasion, I actually consciously hope that nobody I meet there is named Doug. And keeping my fingers crossed, so far, nobody at work has this name. KNOCK ON WOOD! It would not look good if I constantly refer to a colleague as “Dog”. HR will come-a-calling soon.

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You can get this shirt along with the others from, where else? Cafe Press, the purveyor of .... everything Doug

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Next Up: Why I never order VANILLA ice cream or request MANILA folders…

46 thoughts on “We can’t be friends if your name is Doug

  1. Naptimewriting

    Okay, here’s your practice.
    “Uuuuuuuuh. Uuuuuuuuuuuh.” Stick your lower jaw as far backward as possible.
    “Uuuuuuuuuuuuh. Duuuuuuuuuuuuuug.”

    And then just rotate through these: Man, Buddy, Friend, and Kitch’s suggestion of Dude. Might as well pretend you forgot his name, because being embarrassed that you can’t remember is better than being honest about how awful his name is.
    Naptimewriting recently posted…Open Letter to the Friend Who QuitMy Profile

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  2. Absence Alternatives Post author

    Dear All, are you telling me that all these years of agonizing over how to pronounce DOUG and it sounds exactly like DUG?

    Now I feel stupid because I can say DUG very well. I say “I dug myself into a deep hole” all the time.

    Reply
  3. dufmanno

    When I read this I get a little sad because I know you are somewhere giving an important presentation.
    Then I think about all the Doug’s I know and I scratch my head because it turns out I don’t know any.
    If I ever DO come in contact with and befriend a Doug however I will promptly try out Patty Punkers idea.
    dufmanno recently posted…A Girl Really Should Know Her LimitationsMy Profile

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  4. Wicked Shawn

    Okay, I was going to be all sympathetic and shit, then I read pattypunker’s comment and you lost me. Her rug muncher comment got me! WTF??!! Now, when you see your neighber Doug, no worries whatsoever about mispronouncing his name, just hope you don[t mistakenly blurt out “rugmuncher”. Easy peasy, ala pattypunker. ROFLMFAO!!!!
    Wicked Shawn recently posted…It Wasn’t My FaultMy Profile

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  5. Linda at Bar Mitzvahzilla

    That’s so funny. I do that “so and so’s father” or “X’s husband” because I’m constantly forgetting names, like of people I should know. It just seems that now, with being 50 and all, I’ve known so many people from so many places – jobs, schools, exercise classes, synagogues, etc. – that I can’t keep everything straight. My mind goes blank. I need notecards.

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  6. Elly Lou

    It’s the past tense of dig – as in “can you dig it?” So instead of saying, “I did so-and-so’s husband’s lime green capri pants,” you can say, “I totally dug Doug’s orange, flowered headband at the last cotillion.”

    I know. You’re welcome.
    Elly Lou recently posted…Too Sexy For Her ConeMy Profile

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