$5000 a Bullet

32 Replies

Many of us have seen Chris Rock’s standup routine on gun control, or as he called it “Bullet Control”, either on YouTube or in the movie Bowling for Columbine.

In the wake of the shooting in Arizona, there is a heated discussion surrounding the fact that 1) the gunman fired off a large capacity magazine with 30 bullets within seconds and ended up killing 6 people and wounding 14 (He was subdued when he paused to reload), and 2) the federal law that would have banned assault weapons and gun magazines that can hold more than 10 bullets expired in 2004 because the congress failed to renew it.

It just seems so poignant right now. From the mouth of a comedian.

(The transcript of Chris Rock’s routine is after the jump in case you cannot watch the video because 1) your phone sucks like mine, 2) you are being productive)

.

.

.

And everybody’s talking about gun control. “Got to get rid of the guns.”

Fuck that. l like guns.

You got a gun, you don’t have to work out.

l ain’t working out. l ain’t jogging. You got pecs, l got Tecs.

Fuck that shit.

You don’t need no gun control.

You know what you need? We need some bullet control.

Man, we need to control the bullets, that’s right.

l think all bullets should cost 5000 dollars.

5000 dollars for a bullet. You know why?

‘Cause if a bullet costs 5000 dollars, there’d be no more innocent bystanders.

That’d be it.

Every time somebody gets shot, people will be like,

“Damn, he must have did something.”

“Shit, they put 50,000 dollars worth of bullets in his ass.”

And people would think before they killed somebody, if a bullet cost 5000 dollars.

“Man, l would blow your fucking head off, if l could afford it.”

“l’m gonna get me another job, l’m gonna start saving some money… and you’re a dead man.”

“You better hope l can’t get no bullets on layaway.”

So even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you won’t have to go to no doctor to get it taken out: whoever shot you would take their bullet back.

“l believe you got my property?!”

.

.

32 thoughts on “$5000 a Bullet”

  2. secret agent woman

    I would totally support a tax that raised bullets to $5000 each.

    I saw a Chris Rock routine that had one of my all time favorite lines: “You’re either married and bored or single and lonely. There ain’t no happiness nowhere.” My kids didn’t understand why I was laughing so hard.
    secret agent woman recently posted…A little sun to give me hopeMy Profile

    Reply ↓
  6. Mountain Momma

    Almost as good as Eddie Murphy’s ice-cream skit back in the day. I say, make the gun cost $100,000 too, and then we’ll see how many people are getting shot in this country

    Reply ↓
  7. pattypunker

    “you better hope i can’t get no bullets on layaway” makes me bust a gut everytime. and reminds of kmart and how weird it used to be when you could pick up a rifle when you were shopping for your kids toys, garden hose and lightbulbs.
    pattypunker recently posted…shot in the assMy Profile

    Reply ↓
  10. Lies

    I hadn’t seen it before – it makes you laugh out loud until you think about it further… very poignant indeed. We have a saying, don’t know if it has any equivalent in English: Jokingly, the fool tells the truth. I can only hope lessons will be learned from this.
    Lies recently posted…Music was my first love…My Profile

    Reply ↓
    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Great question! Reading enough Shakespeare will lead people to believe that court jesters are usually the wise ones. Not sure whether there is indeed an English equivalent. There is an “American” phrase that I learned from reading Al Franken, some Americans have heard it, some have not. “Kidding on the square”. It means you are kidding yet you are at the same time pointing out the fact.

      Reply ↓

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.