Not insane

I have to take on a secret identity so I may speak my mind freely. Nobody famous. Just working while female. Female while thinking. Thinking while breathing. Breathing while working. All done while not come unraveling.

This, blogging, beats talking to myself inside my head. Really. You should try it sometimes. Here are some of my, earlier, hits:

A Flower For Me

I Just Want to Go Home

Lost in Translation

The Girl in Her

Things I Missed

Where I’m From

  1. Despite being an avowed introvert, or perhaps because of it, I found talking to strangers on the Internet a lot easier than IRL, even if most of the time the audience is purely imaginary.
  2. I am a child of Ervin Goffman. As a matter of fact, I often wonder what Ervin Goffman would say about Social Media. Think he’d have a ball pondering The Presentations of Selves on Facebook? Or even better, LinkedIn? It is ironic that in this increasingly Schizophrenic world, our selves have to reside in so many different fragments in order to become whole, to stay sane.
  3. I am secretly obsessed with angels. As in, I believe in them. Or, I strongly wish they are/were real, even though I am not Christian. I envision them to be the angels in Wim Wender’s “Wings of Desire” (Der Himmel über Berlin). NOT the Nicolas Cage one. Oh, god, no.
  4. I am agnostic because I am too cowardly to make up my mind. I want to have my cake and eat it too.
  5. I am a classic insecure overachiever. My good days and bad days can happen on the same day.
  6. Laziness and fear of embarrassment are the two driving forces in my life.
  7. I played Lizzie Borden in a play when I was in graduate school. In fact, I played a few other homicidal characters, including Hamlet and one of the women in Unfinished Women Cry in No Man’s Land While a Bird Dies in a Gilded Cage who gets to wield an ICE PICK.
  8. Being on stage was the only times when I felt completely free. I miss that feeling with a heartache, barely noticeable except during the night, when I am writing to nobody.
  9. I also played Billy the Kid (adapted from Michael Ondaatje’s book) and I had the best lines in my acting career:

After shooting Gregory
this is what happened
I’d shot him well and careful
made it explode under his heart
so it wouldn’t last long
was about to walk away
when this chicken paddles out to him
and as he was falling hops on his neck
digs the beak into his throat
straightens legs and heaves
Meanwhile he fell
still tugging at the vein
till it was 12 yards long
as if it held that body like a kite
a red and blue vein out
and the chicken walked away
Gregory’s last words being
get away from me yer stupid chicken

21 thoughts on “Not insane”

  1. Louisa

    Hi there, just wondering if you could provide me with an email contact for your wonderful blogging self?

    Reply ↓
  5. Judy N.

    Your point about taking on a secret identity so you could speak your mind is one I’ve thought about. I have often not posted certain things because of who is reading my posts. Damn…I should have done that!
    Judy N. recently posted…Superbowl Thoughts…My Profile

    Reply ↓
    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      In the beginning, I was really tempted to tell people because nobody came by! I finally broke down and told my husband: reason why you don’t see me complaining about my husband or my in-laws here…

      Perhaps guest blogging will give you an outlet to talk about things you cannot talk about on your blog?

      Reply ↓
    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Oh my goodness! Thank you so much for the highest form of compliment! This made my day! And possibly the weekend! (Eh, I hope you are not changing your mind now you see how I am a abuser of exclamation marks!!!!) People are unbelievably kind on the Interweb. I am grateful. Thank you!

      Reply ↓
  9. Absence Alternatives Post author

    @ mrsblogalot
    The feeling is mutual here. Before the male onlookers get the “bow chica bow wow” music playing inside their heads, below the surface of hilarity, which I adore, I feel the unexplainable kinship that comes of pain and suffering… Maybe you are one of the voices inside me materialized. THAT. Would have been a great Hollywood movie pitch, no?

    Reply ↓

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