But the Kitchen Sink

60 Replies

(This post was written while I was waiting to board my flight)

My flight is at 9:05 pm on a Sunday night. Tonight.

It is really not a surprise to those who have been living in this part of the world for a long time that the weather went straight from Winter to Summer. Forget about that bitch Spring who’s been a no-show anyway. 86 degrees. People were out and about in hot-weather clothing, including sandals and straw hats, as if we were in the more fortunate coastal areas. I HAD to take the kids out for a drive. It would have be hubris if we had simply ignored what Nature decided to bestow on us on a whim.

The result is that I had absolutely no time to pack for my business trip. The taxi ended up waiting for me for 10 minutes. Whenever I pack in a hurry, I overpack, almost comically. So now I am sitting here, waiting for my flight while taking stock mentally – since I never have the foresight to NOT put my “unmentionables” on the very top in case any TSA agent decides to ask me to “Please open your luggage right here, ma’am, right in front of the horde eager to distract themselves from the boredom through the security line.”

 

Now I am taking stock of the things that I have packed:

1 lightweight denim jacket – it is supposed to be in the 70s tomorrow

1 trench coat – it is supposed to be in the 30s on Wednesday night

2 ironic shirts from Threadless – I have to work with some software engineers and I need to prove to them that I am more than just a pretty face. (I am saying this IN JEST. Most of them are less than 10 years younger than my 13-year-old… I am however hoping that my matronly presence will prove encouraging…)

my trusted Aerosmith t-shirt – Just in case some of them are into Classic Rocks

1 Banana Republic white dress shirt with French cuffs – In case I need to “Power Suit” it up

1 Boden shirt in bold purple patterns – In case I need to appear to be BOLD and “Think outside the box”

2 black drape-y tops – in case I need to look feminine and young(er) and sexy with my boobs hanging half way out (Will most likely not be used. Again)

4 old t-shirts – in case I decide to, and have time and energy, to work out. Or at least I could sleep in them.

1 NEW pair of workout pants from Costco – My first ever workout pants. So what did I wear before these? I either wear my pajama pants or I go pantless. What? I only work out at home and only when the guilt becomes too much to bear.

1 pair of pajama pants

2 bras – (Do you say “Pairs of bras”? If not, WHY NOT?) so total 3 bras. I am kind of expecting the weather to be hot and I do not like sweaty boobies. ’nuff said.

A handful of undies that I grabbed before I rushed downstairs because the taxi was here

A handful of necklaces (Ditto)

A handful of silk scarves (Ditto) – I like to dress up like a flight attendant. Leave me a alone!

I also have failed to pack SOCKS. And NO running shoes. So much for my good intention of wanting to work out while away on business trip.

I guess those 4 old t-shirts will all be used for sleeping.

If you have been keeping track and doing some mental calculation, you’d notice that it sounded as if I were about to run around town with my bare nekkid behind showing.

What? No mentioning of pants?

PANTS. Ugh.

Now it has become clear to me: I think pants are overrated subconsciously.

For all these various styles of tops, I have only packed one pair of jeans.

Let’s try not to wipe our hands on them, ok?

 

 

 

 

60 thoughts on “But the Kitchen Sink”

  2. Andrea

    Ah! I love this! I, too, workout at home and in pajama pants. My workout clothes are hole-y and paint stained. Ridiculous. And pants? Who needs ’em? You work with so many men, I say you declare it a “NO PANTS” day and see who has the biggest balls. I think you’ll win.
    Andrea recently posted…Been Caught StealingMy Profile

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  5. Irene

    My son designs for Threadless! Three of his designs are on my blog sidebar, one of which was actually chosen and printed and may go into reprint. I love that site. The concept is great!

    I do that too, mental checklist of things I’ve packed. And it’s usually while in the middle of the road trip, doing 80mph on some highway. I figure if I forgot something, I can always buy or pick it up at a local Wallyworld(Walmart).

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Thank you. It’s been going splendidly. My boss commented on my Aeroamith shirt because he’s a big music geek. He started talking about their numerous albums and I am only in it for their Big Ones…

      I did not have to power suit up at all which was kind of nice. 🙂

      Yes yes yes, please pack for me.

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  7. MacDougal Street Baby

    You’ve got more packed than I own. Your post confirms that I am so not ready for the real world. I didn’t even know Banana Republic was still around. I think the last time I shopped in one was about 10 years ago. I’m still wearing the same bra I bought 5 years ago and my clogs need to be resoled for the 3rd time. I’m such a schlump.

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  8. Miss B

    I always overpack, but I am very _good_ at packing, so nobody ever knows that I have too much shit. (So. Much. Underwear. And. Socks. My. God.) My main problem when I travel, though, ends up being books. As in, I want to bring so many of them, and if I were travelling with steamer trunks and servants in the olden days, this would be fine, but as it is just me and my suitcase and my enormous purse…well, let’s just say that I brought 8 books with me on the 4-week trip I took this past winter, and that was after an excruciatingly long paring-down evening. *ahem* (Plus magazine and old piling-up New Yorkers, of course.) Don’t talk to me about the fucking Kindle, though — I’ll never give in to the dark electronic side! Never!!!
    Miss B recently posted…StonesMy Profile

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  10. Kristina

    i used to travel two weeks a month for work, and i have forgotten entire categories of things more times than i care to admit. target became my go-to best friend f0r pants, underpants, nylons (ALWAYS with the forgetting of nylons/socks), pajamas and even my computer charger once. le sigh. at least you have shirts.

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      I was told that if you ever forget phone charger or computer charger, chances are the hotel front desk has the model you need. Apparently I am not the only one who left their chargers at the hotel more than once!

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  11. The Sweetest

    I am notorious (among family, at least) for over-packing. I once had a suitcase that weighed eighty-one pounds. Then again, at one point in time I had twenty-seven pounds of Grape Nuts in my garage. I like to feel prepared for anything.
    The Sweetest recently posted…Playdate From HellMy Profile

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  14. BigLittleWolf

    Um… eight day trip, is it?

    Had to chuckle at your list. Once upon a time I was such an efficient packer. Then motherhood happened. I swear – it changed everything. Must be the diaper bag effect. Now about those sweaty boobs… isn’t that what French perfume was invented for?
    BigLittleWolf recently posted…Ask the ExpertsMy Profile

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  15. pattypunker

    this wardrobe is exactly the reason i love you – can you say karma chameleon? you fit in everywhere! you’re geeky, badass, smart, and sexy.

    also, the bloggess be big pimpin you! BIG! now i wanna sing that bad company song to you:
    “dont you know that you are a shooting star, don’t ya know. don’t ya know.
    don’t you that you are a shooting star. all the world will love you just as long as long as you are.”
    pattypunker recently posted…PR pukeMy Profile

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  16. LA Juice

    I have had these days! I now have a check list that I follow so I don’t have to think, and the “hubby” doesn’t mock me too much because I wrote int Excel and color coded it. I think he’s secretly jealous.

    ps found you via thebloggess.com- fun site!

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Thanks for visiting and commenting!

      Yes, I have done the Excel thing before for when I first traveled with a baby. After all these years of traveling long distance with them, I got cocky I guess when I got to travel by myself. “How hard could it be now that I only have to pack for myself?!”

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  19. meleah rebeccah

    Oh I have to make a list BEFORE I pack, or I would end up pantless – much like you! Don’t get anything on your only pair of jeans!!

    PS: this made me laugh out loud
    “2 bras – (Do you say “Pairs of bras”? If not, WHY NOT?) so total 3 bras. I am kind of expecting the weather to be hot and I do not like sweaty boobies. ’nuff said.”

    HA!

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  21. dufmanno

    I pack Clif Bars, duct tape and hair accessories.
    Once, on a rather important trip, I managed to pack no undergarments whatsoever. This was tragic and eventually became the stuff legends are made of as we all calculated the time it would take for a mishap involving private parts.
    dufmanno recently posted…RawMy Profile

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      I am just grateful that so far I have only had awesome lovely people visiting my blog. And spammers. Don’t forget the spammers. Actually the spammers often told me things that are 100 times nicer than what you guys have been telling me. I’m honestly disappointed in you real people!

      Reply ↓
  25. Mary Lee

    This is hilarious, truly. I’m so glad you included the logic behind each packed item. Oh yeah, you’re crazy, all right, but a funny, delightful kind of crazy.

    So how long a trip is 4-t’s, 3-bras worth?
    Mary Lee recently posted…Speaking for the TurtleMy Profile

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      THIS IS A BRILLIANT IDEA! It’s like Super Man.

      I actually thought about bringing my Ironic t-shirt with me and changing into it before the meeting. I ended up wearing my Aerosmith shirt. I thought that would please the most people.

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  27. A Vapid Blonde

    So I make plan for each day of what I will be wearing. Day outfit then a night outfit, then a sleeping outfit. And then I double the shoes and just pull out as much underwear as possible. I’m kind of afraid of flying so I also make a mad dash to the pharmacy to load up on xanax.

    Ulimately I usually wear all the shoes and half the clothes. Another rule I’ve just learned. Most likely what ever you need can be bought where ever you are.
    A Vapid Blonde recently posted…Power Snatch!My Profile

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    1. dufmanno

      Now I know that whenever you pack there will be a separate case for the whimsical outfits you’ll be dressing your power snatch in…..
      dufmanno recently posted…RawMy Profile

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  28. Wicked Shawn

    Have I told you I love you enough times? If not, I love you! I make a list of everything I am going to pack far in advance of trips. Then lose the damn list and wing it. I once took a three day trip with 6 pairs of shoes, 2 pairs of pants, a dress and 4 hats. I got so distracted by the hat choices, I forgot little things like panties, sleepwear, etc.
    Wicked Shawn recently posted…Oh- A Day Off!!!My Profile

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Me love you long time too!

      p.s. I may use this line way too often tonight. Please forgive me. I shared a bottle of champagne and also a grey lady just now so… I am CUI: Commenting Under Influence.

      Reply ↓

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