Category Archives: this i believe

“That’s so Gay” is NOT so funny! This has nothing to do with sense of humor…

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Steven Petrow’s post on Huffington today really struck a chord:

“That’s so Gay” is Not So Funny

I am so happy and relieved that someone brought this subject up, again. Since Huffington is purportedly the most linked blog site in the world, hopefully more parents and teachers would be reading about this.

I have been extremely bothered by the prevalent usage of this word to refer to anything “ridiculous”, “hideous”, “tacky,” “stupid,” “OMG I would not be caught dead in this” amongst the young crowd, and by young, I mean 4th graders — my son personally encountered this verbal bullying at the bus stop and the perpetrator was a fellow 4th grader.

So what’s the big deal? We cannot even make jokes now?

Mr. Petrow wrote:

“According to a recent Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) survey, ‘anti-LGBT bullying and harassment remain commonplace in America’s schools’ and that remarks like ‘that’s so gay’ foster a homophobic environment and worse. The GLSEN findings showed that 75 percent of high school students reported hearing remarks such as ‘faggot’ or ‘dyke’ frequently, with nine out of 10 often hearing ‘that’s so gay’ or ‘you’re so gay’ (meaning stupid or worthless).”

When my son was “insulted” with this word, yes, I understand, not for his perceived sexual orientation but as a stand-in word for anything negative in general, I immediately wrote a long letter to the teacher asking her that if we don’t nip this in the bud now, how far are we going to let it go?

I am glad that I am not alone in sounding the alarm. Of course, this phenomenon is way beyond the school yard, people use this expression at work places all over the country. Words like this are particularly pernicious exactly because of its seeming harmlessness. “Oh, you are a baby if you cry about it and cannot take the joke.” So we learn to shut up and keep quiet.

The increasing popularity of the usage of “Gay” as an insult is indicative of the underlying homophobic mentality permeating in our society, despite decades of working towards acceptance by the “mainstream”. This is, the way I read it, part of the backlash against the gains made by gays and lesbian. They have co-opted the word “queer” so that now it conveys pride in self-identification in some specific uses. It is then not too far off to see the co-opting of the word “Gay” as revenge by the not-so-enlightened amongst us: they are trying to turn the previously neutral and PC “label” (for lack of a better word) into a slur. “You took an insult word from us so that we can no longer hurt you with it. Guess what? We are going to turn how you have been identifying yourselves with into a insult equivalent of anything undesirable…”

Clever maneuver by the not-so-tolerant.

What does this say about how we really feel about those who are different from the “norm” deep down, behind the door, if we allow the use of this word on the playground and in the school hallways as part of the litany of insults that our kids can hurl at each other?

“You are not going to heaven because you are a bad mommy.” Religion? Yikes!

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This was not said in a huff or a tantrum. This was said matter-of-factly, more an observation than an accusation. A conclusion drawn by my 6-year-old because, well, he has noticed that we do not go to church on a regular basis. We are not particularly religious although both of our boys were baptized in the Catholic church. We are obviously not regular church-going folks. I am not even Christian. We simply do not talk about god at home. I wonder where he got all these ideas about god, Jesus, and heaven.

The other day he asked me whether I am one of God’s children, and I told him, no, out of honesty. Later I explained to him that not everybody believes in god, and heaven, and not everybody believes in the same god as he does. and therefore not everybody is going to heaven. In fact, “You and daddy and your brother are going to heaven when you die, but mommy will not be there… Mommy believes in reincarnation.”

(Maybe I should have lied? This would have been one of those times when a white lie is harmless and maybe even beneficial?)

Fortunately, at this age, they do have the attention span of the fly, so he was quickly distracted by some other mysteries in life. Crisis diverted. For now.

Note to self: research books on “How to talk to your kids about religion if yours is a multi-faith family”… Yikes! Who says parenting gets easier as they get older?!

My favorite quote: “The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously.”

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“The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously.” Henry Kissinger

I am sure he said it in a context that was different from what I take this saying to mean.  FWIW, for some reason, it’s been haunting me.  Sometimes I see it as pessimistic, sometimes I see it as optimistic, Grin and bear it.  This is what existentialism is distilled down to, at least in my book, “Life sucks, but you’ve got to deal with it.”  When Goethe said, “God is dead,” I believe that’s what he meant: Regardless whether there is God or not, human beings need to take responsibilities for our actions.  Accountability, and the will to see things through.

As I tell my kids on a nearly daily basis: You’ve got to do what you’ve got to do.

Obama calls himself a Mutt and I have two!

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Is it wrong to have hero worship towards a politician? Ever since the night of Nov. 4, I have been walking through the clouds. Elated, of course, but that feeling also comes from my disbelief that we actually did it. Or rather, he actually did it! And of course, we all know there is a long way ahead to deliver his promises, and truth be told, I don’t expect him to be able to deliver all those promises: There are just too many issues to be solved, and the biggest elephant in the room, our economy crisis, is getting bigger every day.

However, I have to say, I am a bit miffed by our President Elect, why? Because he’s brought tears to my eyes almost every day since he stepped onto that stage in Grant Park in Chicago and gave one of the most inspiring speeches that any of us have ever heard. This morning, he did it again: I am trying to keep the tears from actually falling down because that would mean crying. And that would be a ridiculous thing to do, wouldn’t it? Crying over some news conference remarks?? Obama describes himself as a Mutt, in a passing remark at his first news conference as President Elect.

And I have two here!

My 10-year-old boy just confessed not long ago that he is self-conscious when we are out together because people stare. For some reason, reading this news article this morning gave me hope that my children’s lives would not be as unnecessarily complicated as I imagine they will be.

The day after the election, we looked at the Exit Polls statistics on CNN and marveled (but not surprised) about the “racial” divide along the party line: not as pronounced as in the past elections (12% more of the White voters voted for McCain vs. Obama, whereas Kerry was behind by 17% among Whites in the last election. So we could say that Obama did “cross over,” but the difference is still obvious in the graphs). My 10-year-old asked me, “Mom, which one will I be?” The question startled and saddened me, because his identify of himself is still being formed, and yet, on any official documents, surveys, forms, he does not exist except as “Other”. I have studied all the theories on OTHER in grad schools, but it does make me sad when all those theories all of a sudden become applicable to what I am dealing with at home.

So, thank you, President Obama! Now perhaps we can openly discuss issues around Race, not in a stodgy way, but in an everyday lived-through dealt-with way. They are messy topics and there are seldom clear cut right or wrong answers, but we do need still start talking about it more openly, and in my view, more casually. If we cannot find humors in some of the messiness, and if we cannot make fun of ourselves, then the day will be far away when we can actually be color-blind, which if taken literally by the way, in my mind, is like alchemy… (We will always notice somebody else’s appearances first, and we need to learn as a culture to not let certain signifiers become symbols).

Perhaps now it would be easier to lobby for a label for mutts around the country that is better than “Other”?