Confession: I have been obsessed with this website I came across from my 13-year-old’s Facebook wall. It is aptly named “I Waste So Much Time“. Unfortunately for my reputation, it is not a philosophical statement born from my existential angst. They omitted “On the Internet” in the name. This website is “curated” for middle schoolers… And I spent two hours the other night reading the posts and laughing out loud to myself when I should have been in bed. What can I say? Deep down I am a 15 year old boy. *cough* (Only that I do not “take long showers”…) Anyhoo, I saw this post, and it gave me pause.
This was of course said with pride. On this website and the others popular amongst the Facebook teen generation, such as My Life is Average, being normal means boring, a conformist; being weird means you know who you are, awesome. In fact, the kids who post on MLIA are so unabashedly geeky, smart with a great sense of humor, (and granted, a bit Harry-Potter-obsessed, but hey, they all hate Twilight and that means a lot to me) that I often read those posts to give myself some hope: “These are our future. Maybe one day high schools will not be dominated by drones of jocks and cheerleaders.” And that makes me want to give all those kids a big giant non-creepy bear hug.
I once thought too I would be the weird, cool parent. How many of you thought the same? I did not even think. I just assumed. No way was I going to be like my parents. My kids are going to love me for how cool I am and we are going to have so much fun together!
The reality is, of course, my kids do not really want cool parents. Or rather, they do not want parents that out-cool them.
They do not appreciate being told that rad was a term popular even before my time.
They do not want you to teach them the correct pronunciation for Meme. (And definitely not the history of it. Who cares that Richard Dawkins came up with this idea in 1976 in his book The Selfish Gene?)
They do not want to admit that you introduced them to Spotify.
They do not want to listen to the cool songs you share with them. But of course they told you about “Pumped Up Kicks” a week after you sent them the song on Spotify.
They do not want your playlists.
They do not want to hear about the latest YouTube sensation from you.
They do not want you to be better at fixing computer than they are. Or to know how to use iTune.
They do not want you to know how to use “I took an arrow to the knee” correctly. (My apology to Skyrim players who are pissed by how this meme has been conveninetly co-opted by those who, like me, have not earned the “right”… Blame websites such as knowyourmeme.com, they have made it way too easy)
They do not want you to know every single Meme or Internet joke or LOLcat, and definitely not before they do.
They do not even want you to be able to say LOLcat correctly.
When you twirl like a crazy child in the living room to whatever music they are playing, they eye you with a bemused expression and possibly even shake their head, and for one moment, they look older than their age.
When you think you are being cool and awesome, you are actually being weird, weird, like really weird, not the cool weird, and you embarrass them.
“Why can’t you be like the other parents?”
They eye you with suspicion or confusion when you slip in a few “youth-oriented” lingo in your conversation.
Do not try to be that cool parent because then you are just a try-hard.
It’s what demarcates the “boundary” between youth and age. We’ve got the experience. We’ve got the dough. We’ve got the authority. Without the coolness factor, what’s left for the young to claim as their own?
I have been pondering on these for a long time now but am not able to formulate a cohesive thought around this subject. As I was working on this draft, my 13-year-old walked by and read it out loud, “Our generation today will be the weirdest grandparents… Yup. That’s true.”
“You know,” I said, “When I was your age, I thought I was going to the coolest parent.” Just to burst his bubble (because that’s how we show love in this household).
He laughed. There was a silence.
“Well, you are kind of a cool parent.” He said quietly.
I was made speechless.
Well played, young padawan. Well played.
On a related note, I saw this posted inside the high school my son will be going to. Somehow I know that he will be ok there.
I’m thankful to still be in the stage when my boys (4 and 1) still look up to me like I’m the coolest and smartest guy around. Of course that’s only possible because they haven’t seen Jeopardy! yet. That Trebek is smoove.
Cool Dad | Are We Still Cool? recently posted…Baby Exercise: Cool Newbie Does Push-Ups! [video]
Every generation is embarrassed by their parents. Every generation thinks they are uniquely cool. And so it goes.
secret agent woman recently posted…Back from my work break, but slowly.
At some point in my parenthood, I vowed that before I said anything to my kids, I would say in my head — in my father’s voice. If it sounded like something he would say, I wouldn’t say it.
My kids now say I’m not very talkative.
When my twin sons came home from college their first free weekend, they sat my wife and I down and very earnestly said that we were the best parents in the world. Obviously they got to see how some other kids were raised and realized how good they had it.
We just did the best that we knew how at the time.
Paul Lamb recently posted…Saturday, 12:30 a.m.
Somehow the idea of being a cool parent takes a back seat when you realize you want your children to be more cool…and by that I mean they feel safe, secure, and know that we think they are the coolest things ever created.
Jeane recently posted…When Zeus Failed I Blamed Myself
I have totally given up on being a cool parent..No way, no how.
Velva
Velva recently posted…Wordless Wednesday
I grew up with the “weird” parent. It wasn’t fun.
I think I liked being the “cool” parent to my boys – but only to some extent. What I wanted more than anything was to be the good parent. The parent they needed, whatever that meant which of course, I couldn’t really know except to figure it out along the way, as best I could.
I don’t think we ever know how we do, until they’re grown themselves. Truly grown. And let us know. Not that I’m in a rush for that day, but I hope the answer will be “you did okay.”
BigLittleWolf recently posted…How Many Ways Can You Break a Heart?
When I discovered the I Waste So Much Time site, I totally did just that. I had tears in my eyes on some of the posts.
“Without the coolness factor, what’s left for the young to claim as their own?” Good point.
As long as My Guy is around, I’m going to have to forget about being cool. He will always out-cool me. But hey, my girls will at least know to come to me when they want their spelling checked and don’t have immediate access to a spellcheck. That’s enough for me 🙂
Justine recently posted…We are happy together. So they denied our coverage.
Before I say anything else I’ve got to tell you that all 3 kids were showing me “I took an arrow to the knee” last week and I was dying.
My kids do the same crap. They care not that my playlists out cool theirs by a thousand to one and I discovered bands that won’t bubble to the surface for another 3 months. All they want is the abbreviated version of the three hour long story that shows them how it’s all been done before and they will never outsmart their code writing, guitar playing genius father on the computer. Just can’t be done.
They also don’t believe that I was once attractive and wrinkle free. Bastards.
dufmanno recently posted…The Long Haulers
My parents are older…and while I do think they’re pretty cool, my mom still can’t figure out that she doesn’t need to SHOUT when we Skype….
JustMe recently posted…She Wanted to Run to Bali, But Instead, She Set Her Jaw and Stayed
I like being the crazy, uncool parent. It is kind of fun.
Jack@TheJackB recently posted…Cheaper Than A $5 Whore With Less Risk of Infection
my child definitely thinks we’re nuts, and she’s only eight!
a couple of weeks ago, we went away for the weekend, and brought a friend of hers along. at some point in the car, my kid told her friend i was annoying. i turned around and asked the friend if her mother was annoying – and she said no! this shocked me – could her mother be so bland and calm as to be not annoying? or was the kid keeping it to herself? curious.
magpie recently posted…Goulash
Being a parent I really appreciate what my parents done for me. trying to be cool will always be uncool in your kids eyes, but one day you will be that hero they thought you were when they were small.
Hansie@freemoviesonline recently posted…Free Movies Online To Relax
Brilliant post. Kids want love, a steady presence, and a listening ear. They want a role model toward which to aspire. They don’t need a parent to be an older version of themselves, since they are already themselves. They need a parent to show them what is possible for their lives.
Life in the Boomer Lane recently posted…Wanting Sex Less and Enjoying it More
It’s my immense potential for coolness that prevented me from ever becoming a parent–emphasis on “potenial”–unrealized, that is.
Hope you have a cool week, Lin!
Kathy
Kathy recently posted…Kindergarten: A Lasting Love Affair with School and all things Paper-Related
RIGHT??
Of course, right.
My craziness…it’s all I got to make sure my kids have real memories of me…not something blurry, but something they can taste and feel.
LOVED this post.
Alexandra recently posted…An Acknowledgement To The Level of Craftiness Employed On A Daily Basis In This House
I don’t think I’ll be a cool parent. But I’ll be cooler than my husband, so there’s that.
Stacey recently posted…Frigid
LOL. Me too!
You’ve got to TIE first before you get to untie… ummm. 😉