Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

38 Replies

I was thinking since I am all over the map going from warm fuzzy pictures of my kids smiling like angels to crazy ass inappropriate jokes and cursing to crazy ass all-out ranting on people/events/things that piss me off. I either have ADHD or Bi-Polar, I realized, or as my husband would gladly tell you, “Insane in the Membrane”. I was thinking, perhaps I should create a Warning System for my blog.

Straight from Homeland Security

Don't you wish there is such a system for everything in life?



I really like how Homeland Security did the color coded chart because, as we all know, homo sapiens (“Not that there’s anything wrong with it.”) are visual animals. Really, when I see the ORANGE color at the airport, I become appreciative and understanding of the 1-hour wait at the security line. When disaster strikes, nothing is going to get my fat ass moving faster than seeing a RED flag waving in the air.

Won’t it be cool if I have a Warning System for this blog, before you start reading a post, you would know what to expect:

Blog Advisory System: Don't say I didn't warn you!

Blog Advisory System: Don't say I didn't warn you!



Of course, after an hour of working on my Blog Advisory system, I realized that no Advisory System is going to reach the goal of MECE: Mutually Exclusive and Collectively Exhaustive. Mock ye not. This is something the McKinsey & Co. consultants live and die by. And they get paid big bucks for being anal retentive. No shit. For instance, it worries me that the heartless dicks and grouchiest bitches amongst you will need a special warning such as this one:

Danger Ahead

lolCAT

Well, like I said, don’t say that I didn’t warn you…

38 thoughts on “Don’t say I didn’t warn you…”

    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Thanks! You should totally make one! 🙂

      Happy new year!

      I was reading your latest post about who does not what or not in the house… That is one issue too close to home for me… *sigh*

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      THAT was an awesome song. And I am sure I am as far away from the target listener as possible. Which just made it even more awesome. LOL.

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      You know what you need for your posts/recipes? A Laziness Chart. Like, RED is for if you are like TKW. A serious cook. Green would be for somebody like me. And I would like to plaster green all over the recipes for cocktails.

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Thank you! I don’t have PhotoShop. I use Visio. Really. I can’t really do anything fancy. But making charts? Yeah. I love that. I am a dork.

      Also, because you write well, you don’t need these things to distract people from the fact that you can’t write, kwim? LOL. So now my secret is out. Ooops. 😉

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  8. magda

    also new to secret inNERlife and Absence Alternatives 😉 sorry, so overwhelmed by the magic of of fucktard i blew it on the name of your blog name. which is just as well because it gave me additional opportunity to exploit FT.
    .-= magda´s last blog…Dude, I Just Work Here =-.

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  9. magda

    i, new to the secret in life, find myself wanting to comment on each and every word of your post. let us just begin with fucktard. what a gift you have just given me. you know how in MS-Word, you can mark up a document to track changes. that would be a nifty comment feature, allowing fucktards like myself to insert fucktard comments all over your post instead of getting busy with quality fucktard work of our own. if i ever get out of our house again or speak to someone over the age of 3 who is not my husband, i plan to immediately find use for my new favorite word. FUCKTARD. i may blog about it.

    xoxo
    yours truly
    FT
    .-= magda´s last blog…Dude, I Just Work Here =-.

    Reply ↓
    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      You are way too kind on a Sunday morning when you were up all night with the baby. I guess it does have the same effect as alcohol: lack of sleep… So you were wearing beer goggles when you were here. 😉 Thanks for coming and staying. I love FT comments. LOL.

      I have a feeling that you will also love the truly new word: Shartle, as created by Elly Lou:
      http://bugginword.com/2009/12/07/pound-your-elf-a-bovine/

      I should try to use both words in one sentence. That’s my goal today.

      Reply ↓
    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      M’lady, you are like living on the edge, always. 😉 And seriously, what you said? Thank you so much for the compliment. *blushing*

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Steal it! I am sure with your mad photography, artistic, creative skills you can improve this thing many folds. Plus, I bet you have Photoshop? I don’t so I can’t even make it look like the Homeland Security real deal.

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Did you see The Fantastic Mr. Fox? They say “CUSS” a lot since they cannot say Fuck. The movie got a PG rating because of that clever maneuver. We absolutely do not talk about politics and religions when my PIL are around. That would be a disaster in the making.

      Reply ↓
  15. Peedee

    Oh shit. It must have been early or the IT guys at work are blocking all cute kitten pics now. I SEE THE KITTENS. I need a drink.
    .-= Peedee´s last blog…Sleepyhead =-.

    Reply ↓
    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Probably the word “kitty” is on the “FILTER” list at work.

      Yeah. I need a drink too. At the drop of a hat.

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      I don’t know why when you said, Call me GOLD, my immediate reaction was, “Ok, Beyonce.” 😉 Something related to Austin Powers I am sure.

      Awww. Thank you, m’lady. THAT’s called BLIND adoration and Temporary loss of sanity. 😉

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      I did it when I was working through the night and needed something to look at other than an excel with 1000s of lines… So, in this context, I’m not sure whether you’d still want to be me. But HAVING A FULL POT OF COFFEE is always something to strive for.

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      I gave you a warning. But NOOOO, like any other man, you had to go “check it out”. It is just too easy. Man.

      😉

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