This just in: Apparently I cannot say the word BOMB either.
This came up because Mr. Monk, my 8-year old, was crying before bedtime due to some teasing on his brother’s part and yelling on my part. When I put him to bed, I asked him why he cried so much and he said, “Because I am sensitive.”
“So you are like a snail?” I said, jokingly, hoping to cheer him up. Utter fail, I know. Snail? WTF, right?
“Why? Because you think I am slow?”
“No. I mean snails are sensitive.” Beats me really. I have never actually looked at a snail longer than one second before I ran away screaming let alone touched one.
“That’s dumb.” He said, with half a smile.
“Ok. Fine. You are sensitive like a bomb.”
“What?”
“A bomb.”
“A bong? What?” No, I don’t think he knows what a bong is thank you very much. It is hard for me to spell the onomatopoeia as Mr. Monk heard them because I could not tell the differences so please simply imagine the variations of what could go wrong when a foreigner is trying to pronounce the “M” sound.
“No. A BOMB.” I said it louder. Yeah yeah I know.
“A bon? A bom?”
“No.” I sighed. “A bomb. A bomb. You know. Like a walking time bomb?”
“Oh. A BOMB.” Ugh, that’s exactly what I have been saying for the past 5 minutes. Apparently not so as far as a native-English-speaker is concerned.
“You are saying it wrong. Make it less…. um… bointy. You know, less Boin’ in it.” Now he’s making up words to teach me how to pronounce a real word.
“Hey, now you know why I can tell the 4 tones in Chinese apart but you can’t. Remember how everything sounded the same to you and I kept on telling you you’re doing it wrong? I really cannot tell the differences between what you are saying and what I am trying to say. They sound the same to me. Isn’t it amazing? Now let’s take a moment to appreciate the wonder that is the human brain.”
The truth is? I gave up on trying to say the word BOMB correctly. I mean, it’s not like I am giving up much; after all, I HAVE managed to learn to pronounce PORN CORN perfectly. Anyway, I won’t be using the word BOMB that often right? I just cannot be a terrorist, you know, if I were one, I probably would need to go into a store (probably Walmart) to buy a bomb some day and hilarity would ensue. Terrorists are people with no sense of humors so that would not work out.
I left the room and went to check on the 12-year-old. “Hey, guess what? I cannot pronounce the word BOMB either?”
“What?”
Oh for fuck sake, not again.
“BOMB. I cannot say the word BOMB.”
“Ohhhhhh you mean Bomb as in a time bomb”
“YES.”
“Say BA.”
“BA.”
“Now say M.”
“M.”
“Now say BOMB.”
“&*%$&” <– I thought I said BOMB but obviously I did not so I do not know how to spell it out.
“Wow. Way to fail mom.”
“Thanks.” Taking a mental note to make fun of him when he speaks Chinese. “Well, it’s not like I am going to buy a bomb or anything.”
“Yeah. But what if you are in a movie theatre, and you see a bomb, and you yell ‘BOMB!’ and people are like, ‘What? What did she say?'”
FUCK.
.
.
Now you know why I don't call you Da Bomb any more... Nothing personal.
hahaha
Well these two certainly keep you on your toes.
Great pic.
🙂
wanderingmenace recently posted…Sweat- testicles- and my inability to move gracefully
Thanks! So excited to see new posts from you!
What an awesome little dude!
Thank you!
Okay, that was just plain ol’ hilarious until the assertion that people would question you if you saw and named a theater bomb. WTF? Love the hypotheticals kids come up with.
Double extra super hilarious. Now I can’t go into a theater without thinking of you both.
Naptimewriting recently posted…Mary Poppins need not apply
Not sure whether that enhances your movie experience at all. Should I feel guilty about this? LOL
Bombed out again. So to speak.
Can you say “explosive device?”
Nance recently posted…Get Low- Watch and learn
OMG, I kept picturing Inspector Jacque Clouseau (Peter Sellers) saying that word in The Pink Panther Strikes Again. Now I have TWO bombs in my brain!
He pronounces it something like beaumb. Rent the movie. Maybe if you combine the two pronounciations. . . ! Won’t be correct, probably, but I’d want you to post a video of the result.
Hugs!
Mary Lee recently posted…Bad Case of the Bends
Try this instead. If you see a bomb someplace just wave your arms around and yell, “THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET EXPLODEY!” So much easier than “Bomb”! 🙂
Vegetable Assassin recently posted…New Jersey- Old Jokes
If you COULD get a bomb in WalMart, it would be some crappy cheap Chinese bomb from some little polluting Chinese factory that put a bunch of perfectly good middle-class American bomb-makers out of business.
Murr Brewster recently posted…Better Than Chocolate
You should hear my daughter try to correct my Hebrew, it is pretty damn amusing. This whole post reminds me of Peter Sellers in a Pink Panther flick.
Jack recently posted…Eight Posts
I feel so honored. Srly. Thank you for the compliment!!!!
I laughed so hard at that last sentence. The kid has a point!
The Reason You Come recently posted…The sky won’t fall for Poets Rally Week 38
HAAAAAA!!!! YOU CRACK ME UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ahhhh….man, I needed that laugh!
You are every kind of awesome explosive no matter how you pronounce it Lin! (-:
This was hilarious! And it made me feel a smidge guilty for participating (with my dad) in torturing my Momster’s pronunciation of certain words (she’s Filipino) when I was a kid. To this day, she cannot even pronounce my name “properly” – she calls me “Me-sheeele.” I think it’s cute.
Michelle recently posted…How to choose a mate
I like how after you tuck him in, he gives you several hours worth of mind boggling material to ponder!
Well, don’t worry. I still think you’re the bong.
Vinny C recently posted…Unusual Outcomes
You are so funny. You are da bomb. Or da bong.
Also, the phonetician in me is very curious about what you did produce. If you ever want an acoustic analysis of it, I’m your woman. (And out of curiosity, any issues with saying “mom”? Because they rhyme.)
alejna recently posted…a big- squishy heart for you
I feel your pain, Lin…my girls are all in French immersion…whenever I try to say a French word, they make fun of my pronunciation (which is frustrating, because I’m usually trying to help them with homework, which is all in French!). AARGH!
Hugs,
Wendy
writerwoman61 recently posted…Patents- Potatoes- the Post Office and Other Fun Facts for February 17th…
Oh that’s so funny.
I LOVE laughing out loud.
Perfect. “In a theatre, mom, who the eff’s gonna know what you’re saying..”
This was wonderful.
The kids say the same abt me..they say, “mom. the color’s called wite not hwite. the color is wite.”
I can’t hear the difference.
Alexandra recently posted…What The Madison Auditions Were Like – Listen To Your Mother Show
well bongs are sensitive, too. mine gets lonely hidden in the locked cabinet of the garage and feels hurt if i don’t empty it when i take it out.
pattypunker recently posted…look ma- i won an award!
Just yell fire……in the kids’ ears….when they’re sleeping.
Hahahahahaha – this is hilarious. YOU are da bomb yo. And your sons. You don’t have to say the word yourself because I will happily do it for you. Unless you’re narcissistic like that. Which…as bloggers…well…. 🙂
And you’re right – the slight difference in inflection and intonation in Chinese pronunciation makes such a huge difference in what we’re saying that English is cake in comparison.
Justine recently posted…The thing that goes bump in the night and day
haha. He got you on the movie theater observation. Clever kid. According to my 4-year-old, I’m not allowed to say, “we’ll see”, anymore. For completely different reasons, though. I say “we’ll see” and he hears “no”, which is pretty much exactly right.
chickens consigliere recently posted…Warm Me Up
It is bizarre. Because when I say “We are in a hurry!” they hear “Let me slow down in everything I am doing right now by ten-fold.” There must be some invisible translation filter that gets put into our vocal cord when we become a mother.
Giggle. When in doubt, scream “fire.” Or “I have scabbies!”
Elly Lou recently posted…This Is Why I Type
Is there something going around lately???
Every time my kid opens his mouth and says something he deems to be funny, he’s hurt my feelings. (lately). Every time I ask how things are going, he snaps at me and doesn’t want to talk (lately). The Bomb? Apparently on both sides. WTF is up with that???
Meanwhile – I love me some Hugh Laurie. Thanks for that. Life is weird enough these days… a little gander at a strangely charismatic man isn’t a bad way to start the day. Even from the bottom of the Rabbit Hole. (Year of the rabbit right? Shit.)
BigLittleWolf recently posted…Magnani- Manolo- and Where’s My Life of French Chic
You’ve no idea how it warms my heart to learn what kind of words you “practice pronunciation” with.
Methinks you’ve ben asking for things in Wal Mart, alright, but that BOMBS aren’t one of them.
Cheeky.
– B x
The Barreness recently posted…An open letter to 98 of the women Ive met in the last five years You know who you are
My dad was born in Eastern Europe. We used to have little lessons in pronounciation, which went this way:
Me: Dad, say Valentine’s Day
Dad:Walentine’s Day. I can’t do it. It’s too much verk.
Go figure.
Renee Fisher recently posted…We have stuff Like earrings with a lot of breasts
Around here, people can not distinguish between a short e and a short i. So “pen” and “pin” are the same word. And if you try to show them the difference, the closest they can get to mimicking “pen” is “pan.” So not even all native English speakers can hear the variations in the language!
secret agent woman recently posted…Not yet- but soon
LOL! At least you won’t be thrown off any airplanes for saying the word. Your kids crack me up, and you — well, you are wonderful. Now please pass the porn. I mean, corn.
Andrea recently posted…More Human Than Human
Tears streaming down face!!! Obviously, depending on what kind of movie you are there to see, everyone will buy more popcorn and start searching the theatre for the BONG you loudly proclaimed was hidden in the theatre before you ran out!
I love you…and your children. Meanwhile back at my house, we were in emergency pierogi making mode……UGH!
Wicked Shawn recently posted…Goody Goody Gumdrops!!!