When I was in college, Deconstruction and Postmodernism were in vogue, later when I was in graduate school, Cultural Relativism was all the rage, and I thrived in the academic environment that prized my way of examining and understanding life and people from all perspectives.
In real life, this makes me a person with no strong conviction, I suspect. My penchant of looking at people and life in general from both/all sides made me a great research scholar or maybe even a good instructor but would not have done any good if I wanted to change the world. For starters, I am agnostic because I have not the guts to decide on one thing or the other. (At least that is MY reason for claiming I am agnostic). I often corner myself onto a slippery slope by empathizing to a fault.
These past few days I believe I came to some certain degree of appreciation for things that I have sorely despised:
Teabagging Parties and Internet Trolling.
Tea Party Protest Sign. Well, sort of. The gist of it.
I went to a live taping for Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me and it was a blissful relief to be surrounded by people who shared my worldview, and I assume, my socio-economical and educational backgrounds. No apology was needed (except I did apologize profusely when I asked to take pictures of Peter Sagal and Carl Kasell. What can I say? They just seem too sublime to be asked to partake in such vulgar activities such as FANGIRL WORSHIP…) No explanation was demanded. I agreed wholeheartedly with everything that was said.
I can see why the teabaggers are drawn to these crazy tea parties! I thought. (Seriously. THIS can be very annoying sometimes…)
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On the same day I went to the Wait Wait taping, I also discovered the titillating excitement of being an Internet Troll.
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Ain't that the truth?!
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I became obsessed with this post “How to Be a Good Wife” on Scary Mommy as soon as I saw the words: “Completing Him” challenge: Be the woman your man needs.
Long story short: Jill, Scary Mommy, found a post on a blog (which turns out to be a Christian, sort of “Come to Jesus” “Let’s know HIM and serve HIM well” kind of blog) that encouraged the readers to participate in an 8-week challenge that will help the women learn/make an effort to love their husbands. Some choice examples:
Make a list of 5 things you currently do and ask him to prioritize them for you of what is important to him. For example – a clean home, home cooked dinner, coupon clipping, service at church, having friends over for dinner, watching/doing sports with him, etc.
No complaining, criticizing, rolling your eyes, nagging, or giving him any friction this week. Enjoy a week of peace in your home!
Support his vision. Discuss his vision for your family. Where does he see your family in 1 year, 5 years, and 10 years. Share with us how you let your husband lead.
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The most telling part about what this blog that Jill stumbled upon is all about? On that blog, another blog is featured called Raising Homemakers*. “Dedicated to inspiring, teaching and blessing mothers who have an interest in raising their daughter in godliness and preparing them in the arts of homemaking to the glory of God.” I kid you not.
* Sorry peeps. I am not linking to any of these conservative websites for many reasons. For one, trackback is a bitch. And really, why ruin your day or even week by checking it out, getting nauseous just thinking about it?
Anyway, Jill used these “challenge tasks” to come up with sarcastic/ironic remarks about how she planned to serve her husband and become a good wife for him. Of course, the way her audience is (me being one of them), comments from Jill’s regular readers started pouring in.
Comments really were the best part there. Most of them were hilariously sardonic, and we were having a lot of fun, “building camaraderie” as I saw it, based on the same conviction which could be summed up by this comment left by Jen:
I let me husband have sex with me and he likes it. That is submission enough.
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I was, however, disturbed and upset at first.
Do these women have girls? Why do they even bother encouraging their girls to study or do anything else if they expect grown women to do nothing else but allow their husbands to ‘lead’ them? In that case, wouldn’t the men prefer the ignorant kind? No talking up nor speaking up? Wouldn’t that just make this whole scheme a lot easier to maintain? Look at what’s going on in the fundamentalist Muslim societies. If girls are not allowed to go to school, yes, men there can continue to lead as long as they’d like.
I am getting riled up without even watching the video. I am sorry. I tried to be sarcastic and funny and yet I failed miserably.
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Then Nic @ My Bottle’s Up alerted me to the aforementioned “I cannot bring myself to say it again” website…
OMFG! Should I click on it? My hand is shaking. Actually my whole body is shaking. Maybe it’s created by The Onion?! Please? Just lie to me…
Actually, I take it back. I visited the site briefly. And as a mother of two boys, I am going to be selfish and highly endorse such a scheme of producing wonderful homemakers who will take care of my boys much better than I have been and ever will. I never have to worry about my sons getting beaten up like Elin beat up Tiger Woods. And I can really learn to be proud of my boys when they show their women what their places are in the world. I wonder whether they also teach about ‘submission to parents-in-law since you know they gave birth to the man who is leading you so they are like on an even higher level’ because the last thing I need after raising these brats are daughters-in-law that talk back and don’t appreciate my gorgeous wonderful sons. Awesome!
And… I was back! To my sarcastic self again, baby!
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Then “the other camp” found out the fun we were having over on Scary Mommy, very quickly, chaos and hilarity ensued. And that, my friend, was when I became so obsessed with trolling for things I disagreed with and made myself a nuisance in general. To this comment:
Serving Him and my husband is what I was put on this earth to do. I know where I’m going when my time on earth is complete. Can any of you say the same?
(The same woman also made the claim that her husband has never strayed because she’s never given him an excuse to… Oh yeah. It was very hard for me to sit on my hands and say NOTHING to that. I am very proud of my restraint)
I replied:
You are right. I cannot say the same thing because I believe in reincarnation and I have no idea yet what I will be coming back as. If I continue to do good the way I have, I sure hope I get to come back as a husband with a submissive wife who gives me no excuse to stray (wink wink). I seriously am looking forward to living the high life. So excited!!!
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I also spotted a familiar face: The lovely Vapid Blonde was there at the party!
I am running right out and getting a pair of stripper shoes in which I will feed my husband bacon while he watches the Bruins win every cup and the Red Sox win every world series all day everyday….because THAT might be his perfect day with his perfect wife.
So I backed my girl up by praising her actions:
Right. Vapid. Work it, girl! Make sure you don’t give your husband an excuse to stray otherwise if he cheats on you, you will only have yourself to blame.
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I was high. It was like drug. I kept on going back for more, checking for new development, cough cough, new opportunities for my comedic genius. Now, I am still not sure how the Gulf Oil Spill became involved in this heated debate, but the same genius asked,
Perhaps the oil spill exists for a reason. A punishment for greed? Ever thought about that?
It’s almost like she was a shill I put in the audience, she just handed it to me!
It’s the pelicans’ fault. Ever see how they gobble up all the fish in one big mouthful? Yup. Not just greed, gluttony too.
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Eventually it dawned on me: This is silly. I wish conservatives and liberals would just stay out of each other’s blogs when politics, religions and gender roles are discussed. I am sorry. There is no way I am going to see things from the other side when these matters are involved. Try and explain to me why a woman needs to wear a chador and I will show you my bound feet. Cultural relativism my ass. Here was my final missive:
Blogs are not meant to be neutral or objective. Facebook pages are not meant to be neutral or objective. We have to agree to disagree sometimes. Jill did NOT leave a comment over on that website (at least the last time I checked). The fact is somebody went over to the other post and alerted people there that that post is being talked about here. (Wow, that sounded like I was describing high school, didn’t it?) The fact is you decided to come over and take a look and be offended.
It is really tempting for me personally to leave comments all over the Internet on conservative websites mocking them, criticizing them, but I refrain myself every time, because it would be like if I insist on watching Glenn Beck to get myself all riled up spitting blood. Better just walk away. I have read one blog post referring to mine in a negative light with insulting comments (yeah, I am not bragging ok? “Just ONE?” I know I am but a krill in this big pond and oh yeah Trackback is a bitch), I wanted to say something, to defend myself, to prove them wrong, but I walked away.
You can’t argue someone into changing their minds, esp. in the matters of faith/religion, and esp. when all this is based on ‘believing in Jesus/God’ as that very nice lady said in her latest post welcoming new readers. Did you really think you would be able to change minds, to convert people into ‘True Christianity’ that you subscribe to, by coming over here and yelling at people?
p.s. Actually I kind of wish it could work this way: imagine the lives that could have been saved from the Crusades and the Spanish Inquisition. Let’s just try to talk the other side into changing their minds!
p.s.s. You were so right when you said, ‘Heaven forbid that we might be right.’ That is why I am agnostic. I’ve got it all covered. Booyah!
p.m.s. Jill I am so sorry for coming back over & over again. I just discovered that being a troll is fun, no wonder people do it all the time!
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Unknown Mami inspired me to turn my comments into a post because comments sometimes really are the best part! Besides, I am lazy. So why not recycle words that you have written?!
You had me at “When I was in college, Deconstruction and Postmodernism were in vogue, later when I was in graduate school, Cultural Relativism was all the rage” but you cemented it by trolling social conservatives and telling them that future infidelity would be their fault, by their own thinking.
Gawd, it is hard to bite one’s tongue, isn’t it? I figure my reward is that they actually live life believing in hell. And that I’m coming back as something ocean-dwelling so I don’t have to listen to all their red-state bullshit.
Naptimewriting recently posted…Contrarian. Rhymes with Librarian.
The problem w that hell is they never believe that THEY would be the ones going there. It’s always people that are different. Ugh.
I can understand your need to respond. When people are being ignorant its hard not to correct them, in a wicked and sarcastic manner. But good job being the being person at the end. Cause whatever fuck them.
I think blogging may be the ultimate selfish and self-centered thing I am doing for myself. I do find myself being more emboldened in real life after I have practiced my argument online.
I had to stop myself from going back to that post because I would just get pissed off. I couldn’t even make myself watch the whole video because it made me feel embarrassed. You know when someone is saying or doing something so embarrassing, but they aren’t embarrassed so I have to feel embarrassed for them.
Awhile back, my husband came home with a book for me that he didn’t know anything about, but he said the title reminded him of me. What was the title? “Bitch: In Praise of Difficult Women”. He truly meant it as a compliment. I have never pretended to be easy. The song “Hard Headed Woman” by Cat Stevens also reminds my husband of me and he loves me the way I am, which is good because I do me really well.
Unknown Mami recently posted…Unknown Mami Gone Viral?
Please give Unknown Papi a big giant hug from all of us!!!!
And the only comment you left there was hilarious!!
Fuck that. Is there someplace I can send my own kids and their potential spouses/partners to indoctrinate them into the ” your mother gets a beach house to retire in before you invest heavily in anything else” school of thought?
Because that’s a train I can get on board and ride happily.
Watch, ten years from now they will all be living on communes with religious cults and ten husbands/wives cursing my heathen ways and blaming me for the end of the world.
We will all be living in our Bedazzling Commune with Vapid as the Head Priestess.
Wow, I must live under a rock, missing all this.
All I can say is you’re hysterical and You Go Girl!
Maureen@IslandRoar recently posted…Beware: Divorced, Middle-aged Woman!
Thanks! I so appreciate the moral support I’ve been getting here.
(Why I have a blog I guess in the first place!…)
Wait!! Hold up! So…….I shouldn’t be training drama queen to bring home the bacon AND fry it up in a pan?
Seriousy, The Crusades, oft referenced as the good old days, when they merely took a sword to us, rather than talked us to death with rather dull pointless arguments.
Rather obnoxious of her to chase the conversation to someone else’s blog and invade. Tsk tsk. Seems a bit unChristian-like. But, I am a bit rusty on Christianity, I left it behind several years ago. I just try to be nice to people, trustworthy, honest, reliable, decent, caring. I’m not a Christian. Actually, I am the opposite. Take that how you will, it is merely a statement of fact.
Wicked Shawn recently posted…Back With A Wicked Vengeance
The future will be brighter because of women like your Drama Queen. And yummier: bacon does make everything taste better.
Don’t even get me started. Oh. Wait. You did it for me!
Jane recently posted…It’s A Little Too Little, It’s A Little Too Late
Dear, I thank you for bringing up your daughter strong and brilliant. Just like you. We need more awesome young women like her.
The little cartoon made me laugh out loud. Ah, truer words…
TheKitchenWitch recently posted…Veg-Head Tuesday: The Spectacular Shroom
I knew it! I knew that you troll the internet telling ppl how wrong they are to like jello!
I love this. I love that you stirred stuff up and turned it into a post – I’d not have had the balls. Oh, right – I don’t have any balls…
But we have boobs. Boobs are a lot more awesome, and not as fragile as balls, if you ask me.
Aren’t Asians born to be submissive? Something must have gone wrong with us 😉
You’re right – we can’t right every wrong opinion so why stress ourselves out? When I wrote about PC vs Apple, I knew I was inviting some strong opinions but I also stated that it was my preference (hoping they’d read between the lines: If you don’t like what I have to say, go someplace else. And yeah, bite me.) Yet it does irk me when some people are SO wrong. Like Palin. Where do I even begin with that?
Justine recently posted…This was us 29 months ago
I feel very sorry for my husb: of all the Asian women, he met me. LOL. 😉
Right! I tried to see it from the other side, but sometimes you simply can’t. How about the anti-gay rhetoric? There is just no way to come to the middle, I am sorry. (Actually, I am not!)
i let my husband teabag me, does that cover all the angles?
you giddy-up with your bad self, girlfriend. i dig your sarcasm and yes, you do have some great convictions, but agnostic is still cool. mwuah.
pattypunker recently posted…happy summer (one week early. because i can’t wait. because i’m a child like that.)
teabagging trumps everything else.
You win.
dufmanno recently posted…Celebrities Save the World (Again!)
Bawhahahaha! The luckiest man on earth, hands down!
Since I am a man I think it is important that women submit to our bidding. That is all.
Is that why when we leave a comment on your blog, we have to choose “submit?” 😉
(Disclaimer: I stole this line from one of the witty comments at the “party”. Like I said, hilarity ensued!)
I get sucked into this stuff sometimes too, I think it depends on my mood that day. I’ve decided to take the challenge myself, already my husband is thinking I need to be locked up.
LOL! In all fairness, I wouldn’t mind if we BOTH do the same. Hell, fasting together is going to be so sexy!
I keep thinking of that Newlywed Game and the line, “In the butt, Bob.”
P.M.S. I lurv you.
Elly Lou recently posted…‘ello Guvna
Right back @ you. (NOT the butt!)
Did you ever know that you’re my hero? 🙂
Oh stop it! I don’t have the right pigment to blush properly!
LOL @ Vapid!! And that picture up there. That one, my friend is PRICELESS!!!
That sounds like an awesome troll party! And if I thought I could change people’s minds by just yelling at them…well, we’d all be confused because I can never make up my mind (-:
I do love that cartoon I found. Priceless! If yelling can change behaviors, I’d have the best children in the world.