I heard this study that was published this May on the radio today. The headline is:
Men relax best when wives are doing housework chores!
My first question was: How is it possible that I did not hear about this until now?! Is the Universe conspiring to keep this earth-shattering news from me?
You are probably thinking: “I need a study to tell me this?” I know. But it is always nice to have your suspicion confirmed by rigorous scientific research.
For starters, the researchers “measured stress hormones and daily activities”, specifically, they “sampled saliva repeatedly to measure cortisol, which increases in stressful situations”, a most objective measurement: so there is no arguing that women only feel more stressed because they bitch about everything and they CARE MORE about whether the dishes are done, the laundry is folded, and the floor is not covered with random objects.
The study was done with researchers observing “30 dual-earner couples in Los Angeles, each with at least one child ages 8-10. Most had two or three children. The average marriage was 13 years and the average age was 41… Over four days, two weekend days and two weekdays, researchers tracked activities at 10-minute intervals.”
And here are the highlights of their findings:
- For women, healthier cortisol levels resulted when their husbands spent more time pitching in on housework
- For husbands, more leisure time was linked with healthier cortisol when their wives spent more time doing house-related work and less time in leisure.
- Men, when they come back home, tend to be alone in a room.
- Women, when get back home, tend to be with one or more children doing childcare.
- When women are alone, they tend to be doing housework; When men are alone, they tend to be relaxing.
(Note that none of these families have YOUNG CHILDREN. I can only imagine the discrepancy to be even more skewed between men and women were babies and toddlers present in these households studied)
You know what? All my feminist sisters could throw banana peels at me. I am not outraged by the research findings at all. Nope. Au contraire!
I. AM. ELATED.
Why?
Because I am going to remember this research next time I hear about some other woman talking about how her husband pitches in, 50-50, and then I will not secretly hide in the bathroom and cry.
Because I am normal. I am NOT alone. I am part of the statistics. Part of the cogs that make up normalcy. Like the common stock photos showing a man reading newspaper while his wife vacuums and him lifting his legs up for the vacuum out of consideration.
Kapow! Woohoo! I am doing a happy dance while I survey the disaster zone that is our house and also my weekend project. (If you call housework a PROJECT, you feel more accomplished and less housewifery…)
It is truly a relief to know I am simply part of the normalcy.
My ex was actually decent about that – in fact, it was three days before I got to change my first son’s diaper because he was so stoked about being a Dad. I think it helped that he was older. It also helped that I wouldn’t tolerate doing all the work. So when I have women who are in dual career marriages to a man who doesn’t think he should be doing housework, I encourage the woman to go on strike. Cook only for herself (and the kids, because it’s not their fault their daddy is an asshole), do only her own laundry, leave things he has lying around right where they are, let the trash overflow, let him use up all the clean towels except the ones she’s stashed away for herself. It’s usually hard for the woman to do, but it gets the man’s attention.
I have tried. And I have walked out many times. Of course I came back in a few hours because I did not want to leave any evidence of me abandoning the children…
Just chuckling. In my own little world of memories. (Can you say “traditional duty split?”)
“Traditional”. Nice way of putting it. Ha.
“Part of the cogs that make up normalcy.” Amen sister. I am so sick of people who lie and say that their husbands chip in with everything. Maybe 1% are telling the truth but the other 99%? I think they are lying or in denial.
My husband hasn’t lifted a finger in the 11 years we’ve been married. It’s not looking promising…
At least he has no problem with you writing about him (?) Mine is off limit… Every time when I write about this subject, I have to make sure he does not see the posts…
I think we all know what men are doing when they’re home, alone, in a room. I think watching their women bending down to vacuum the crumbs only adds to their calm. I would love my husband to help in the housework department but I’ve learned to accept the fact that that will rarely happen. My expectations are pathetically low. Nowadays I’m ecstatic if he gets his rolled up socks in the hamper, which happens to be only inches away. I think if he were to just walk around, shirtless, with a tool belt my serenity would increase dramatically. Hmmm. Something to consider.
You hit the issue on the nail: that is why there are so many pictures out there with women dressed in French maid outfits for straight men!
I hate to say it, but there can be similar dynamics at work in lesbian couples. My partner loves to lift her feet while I vacuum and watch me do dishes. I wonder if any research has been done about this? (But we don’t have kids, so that may change the dynamic.)
Great post, Lin!
Kathy
I actually wonder about that sometimes since I naturally “assumed” (yeah i know that makes me an ass…) in a lesbian household, both partners will be fighting to clean up. (Ok, just kidding there…) This is indeed really interesting then esp. since there are households with same sex parents. It would be a fair comparison then. Yes, someone should conduct a study!