Morgan Freeman made me do it!

59 Replies

I will do pretty much anything Morgan Freeman tells me to

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You see a lot of interesting people every morning near the train station. There is Mr. Jim, the Salvation Army guy, who is the staple presence inside the building even in January, when people think they are done with their charity giving. I love coming into work and seeing Mr. Jim sitting on his stool next to his red bucket. He always has a jovial smile and a firm handshake for you.  Then there is the guy who hawks “designer” purses and hats, sometimes scarves and gloves. The guy who occasionally sells boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts, right on the side of the street. In the middle of the sidewalk across the street from the station, on most days when it is not pouring or freezing, you will see a bespectacled old lady sitting in her beach chair. Sometimes when people walk by they will greet her like an old friend. On some days, this old lady will be accompanied by an old gentleman. The two of them sit side by side in the midst of the current of people rushing towards the surrounding buildings.

When I came into work this morning, as usual, I stopped by Dunkin Donuts to get my customary “Large with cream and sugar” and as a treat, a bagel twist in Jalapeño cheddar flavor.  The old lady was not there today so the old gentleman was there by himself. As I rushed towards my office building, he extended his hand, the subtle movement of his hand pantomimed the question in jest, “Is that coffee for me?”

I recognized the glint in his eyes and the faint smile at the corner of his mouth. For the first time I noticed how much he looks like Morgan Freeman.

aka god.

“Of course!” I smiled and handed him my coffee. I looked at the paper bag in my other hand, “How about a bagel?”

“Thank you so much! You made my day!” He broke into a dazzling smile, “Take this!” and handed me today’s Chicago Redeye.

I took one look at the front page and I knew.

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God is trying to send me a message

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Seriously.  If this is not a message from god, I don’t know what is…

59 thoughts on “Morgan Freeman made me do it!”

  1. Average Girl

    You are soooo right about the voice. Morgan Freeman could say, “Waiter, there is too much pepper on my paprikash” (When Harry Met Sally), and I would earnesly agree (instead of asking what paprikash is…do you know?).

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Of course I did. You can’t toy with people’s hearts like that. If you say they are going to get coffee, you’d better give them coffee!

      I did wonder whether it was the right thing to do to give him the bagel twist. You see, it is Jalapeño and cheese. I was worried that he might get an upset stomach…

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  5. Wicked Shawn

    I am always getting messages from Morgan. Text messages. But they are usually more like, “stop txting me, I dnt no who u r” …..then followed by, “ok, nice rack, stop txting, keep snding pix”

    What? Just me? Ok, I’ve said too much? Fine! It’s not a secret I am not a God person, but I am a Morgan Freeman in his white suit person. *shrug*

    Also, homeless guy on the street the other night overheard me saying I wasn’t sure which street we needed to walk down…..he offered his misquote……”Go to the first star then take a left” It wasn’t quite right, but it still made me give him a wink and say thanks!
    Wicked Shawn recently posted…The Significance of TodayMy Profile

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  6. The Barreness

    Ah, the many joys of atheism…

    I’d rather just think of it as a message from Morgan.

    And am I the only one who fancies him in that God getup?

    It’s kinda like that fantasy everyone has about doing it in a church. Even to an athiest it just feels wrong.

    What? Everyone totally has that fastasy, right?

    Oh.

    Ahem.

    Okay.

    – B x

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  8. Tiffany

    um, so, i’ve decided that we’re related. more on that later.

    God sends me messages through old black guys all the time. a couple years ago, this man stopped me in a mall and was like ‘you have a nice shape–not too skinny. i bet you like to eat.’ obviously God telling me to stop stealing extra crackers during communion.
    Tiffany recently posted…Once upon a time…My Profile

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      I hope you thanked god, eh the nice man, for the compliment. And I always thought those were cookies. So they are only crackers? Now I don’t feel as bad for being excluded during mass…

      And we are totally related!!!! It’s like god is trying to tell us something through Morgan Freeman! Your post “Jesus spoke to me—or maybe it was Morgan Freeman. Whatever.” even used a similar picture from the same otherwise lousy movie!

      I also just noticed that Morgan Freeman was totally guarding his armpits.

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      He’s probably used to it. What with some lady named Jenny the Bloggess calling him out for putting a pussy on his head… 😉

      p.s. Ha ha. I said Pussy on his head.

      p.p.s. Please see my reply to Linda’s comment…

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  16. Miss B

    Here in my part of downtown (such as it is) there is a group home for schizophrenics and other serious mental/emotional disorders. It is called the El Rey, and is not a terribly…structured…establishment, so apart from having somewhere to sleep and eat and someone to give them their meds, I’m not sure what services are provided. (side note: I lived in the building directly next door for almost 7 years, so I know most of these people quite well, as neighborhood acquaintanceships go) Therefore the residents spend a lot of time hanging around on the sidewalk outside (the El Rey Olympic Smoking Team) and hanging out in the neighborhood. Some of them sell the local homeless newspaper. Some of them panhandle. Some just talk to invisible friends. A few of my favorites…

    Devil-Talking Lady — she is a totally normal, doll-like old lady, in appearance. Well-dressed, perfect pink circles of blush on her cheeks. Often, she can be found hanging out in front of Starbucks or some other coffee place, drinking coffee and smoking and panhandling. But, about 25% of the time, she sits on the sidewalk and YELLS nonsense in a creepy, garbled voice. Imagine the Crazy Cat Lady from the Simpsons. Exactly like that, like she is possessed.

    Gloria and The English Professor — Gloria is a very odd-looking woman who often has her head shaved, which leads me to believe she maybe has to undergo some form of electric therapy. I didn’t ever hear her speak until I had spent 5 years, at least, smiling and saying hello to her at least once every day. The English Professor is a tall, distinguished, grey-bearded man. Always wears a black turtleneck and black trousers. I have never heard him say a word. They can constantly be seen wandering the neighborhood, hand in hand, whispering to each other. It makes me very happy.

    Jackson — he is tall, and grizzled, and nearly toothless, and has that thing with his joints where his fingers bend back the wrong way, which is disconcerting when you hug him hello and he takes your hand in his. Sometimes he is totally lucid and tells really amusing stories about all kinds of things in his life that are obviously not true (his parents own a castle in the middle of London; he is curating an art exhibit in New York next month; &c.). And sometimes he has emphatic conversations — occasionally arguments — with people who aren’t there. But, if you get yourself in his line of sight and touch his arm and say hello, he will snap out of it and talk to you. He has a raspy raspy voice, smokes like a chimney, and — if you didn’t know him — would be terrifying to come across in a dark alley at night. I have known him for a decade. He still cannot remember my name, or the fact that I do not smoke (as evidence by the fact that he asks to bum a cigarette every time I see him). And he occasionally tells me, if I give him a hug, that people will think I’m a hooker.

    There are a lot more, but this is already a ridiculously long comment, so I will stop,
    Miss B recently posted…The Only Direction Being ForwardMy Profile

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      Come visit me and I will introduce you to Mr. Jim the Salvation Army man and possibly the sidewalk god. 🙂

      xxoo

      p.s. You know you can leave as long a comment as you want here! The longer the better! 😉

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  22. SisterMerryHellish

    Morgan Freeman is the best movie God ever! Especially since I can’t think of any others except George Burns, who was cute in his own little old man way, but the cigar, the cigar I cannot forgive him for. No, Morgan Freeman is my God of choice. It’s good!

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      1. Absence Alternatives Post author

        Thank you for visiting and commenting! You are hilarious! And I sincerely hope you are not working for one of my former employers: lots of spoiled people with undeserved sense of entitlement over there…

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  25. Andrea

    Awww, look at you spreading kindness and getting a message in return! Lol — too funny. It would take a supernatural power for me to part with my morning coffee. Or Morgan Freeman would do it.

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      They are not really together. They just rule the sidewalk side by side. She’s probably out there telling some girls that they need to put some of their junk back inside their trunk…

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  28. The Sweetest

    Ha ha Crazy little coincidence (or divine intervention?) but if this had happened to me I would eventually be bitter that I had lost my bagel to reading material that could be a real downer. Bring on the wine!
    The Sweetest recently posted…The Poop Goes On…My Profile

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    1. Absence Alternatives Post author

      LOL. The newspaper actually talked about how there is really no rule for drinking on the commuter train which is the train I take every day. As long as you are not wildly intoxicated, the conductor does not enforce any drink limit. Awesome! 🙂

      I actually have your POOP post open on another browser. I plan to read it on my way home. Perhaps this time it will be accompanied by booze!

      Reply ↓

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