Seeing how many of you are under the weather or are boarded up in your camp of resistance against some full-on attack by Black Death, I thought I’d introduce you to Tiger Balm.
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It cures everything.
In the same fashion that Chris Rock introduced us to the omnipotent healing power of Robitussin. “‘Mo’ Tussin’! MO’ TUSSION’!”
Got a headache? Rub some Tiger Balm on your temples and behind the ears.
Got sinus pain? Rub it on the sides of your nose.
Got nasal congestion? Rub it under your nose.
Chest congestion? Rub some on your chest.
Aching muscles? Rub it all over the problem areas.
Joint pain? Rub it on the troublesome joint.
You got a tummy ache? Rub some on your tummy.
Itchy from some pesky insect bites. Rub it on!
Rub it on wherever it hurts or itches.
Warning: DO NOT GET IT ANYWHERE NEAR YOUR EYE. I learned that from actual experiences the hard away.
Another warning: Oh for goodness sake, DO NOT TOUCH YOUR JUNK AFTER YOU HAVE APPLIED TIGER BALM ON OTHER AREAS OF YOUR BODY. Washing your hands before you touch your junk is not going to help because the ointment is so powerful, it will still sting. Eh, I learned that from ahem some guy.
Disclaimer: As magical as it may be, Tiger Balm will not, however, cure Man Cold. “For God’s sake, woman, he’s a man, he’s got a man cold!”
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Tiger Balm will not stop a runny nose either, unfortunately. For that, I hereby introduce you to:
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A Japanese “Chindōgu” (meaning Unusual, Precious Tool)
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And with this awesome hat, I hereby introduce you to “How to Rock Sexy in Your Pajamas and Bunny Slippers with a Kleenex in Your Pocket (that May or May Not Be Used)”:
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Yeah! You like that? Mmm. It’s got pockets. Are you into that? Uh. What’s this? A used Kleenex!
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And thank goodness for this song by The Cure (Get it? “The Cure”?) that I can tie this gaping post neatly into a bundle and put an end to it.
TGIF! You know why? Because Friday I’m in Love!
(Get it? “Friday I’m in Love”? Oh, never mind…)
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httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wa2nLEhUcZ0
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p.s. You know who has taken this “tie a blog post nicely and cleverly with a song” to an art form? Every single post? A Little Bit Rock n Roll, that’s who.