I have no idea what’s been going on with me as a mother. The fact that I am away from home on a business trip while leaving mu children to the care of a babysitter does not bode well for my chance of winning Mother of the Year anyway. But I did figure out why I am loving people over the Internet so much better in real life.
You do not witness my suckiness up close and personal.
You do not get to witness my parenting fails.
You do not get to be rubbed the wrong ways by my mere presence. My smugness. My suburban privileged life. My undeserved whining. My coy yet relentless pursuit of youthful appearances.
For that, I am grateful.
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Mr. Monk my recently-turned-8 younger child came home with the wrong jacket last Tuesday. It was size XL, way too big for him. When I finally noticed it on Wednesday afternoon, I rushed over to the care facility where he had to stay that Monday and Tuesday because school was out and I had to work on those days.
I made the director at the center check the coat hooks. The cubbies. Different classrooms. I made her call the “suspects” aka kids who were also there on Monday and Tuesday and were BIG enough to be wearing a size XL jacket.
No dice.
I became more and more indignant.
What kind of parents would not notice that their son had gone home with a jacket that’s too SMALL for him?! Wouldn’t they have noticed by now since it is freezing?! Are they keeping our better and brand new (!) jacket on purpose?! Jerks!
I was also mad, unfairly, at my child for coming home with the wrong jacket and for not noticing it till Wednesday afternoon, the day before Thanksgiving, with the entire weekend forecast to be cold cold cold. And on top of that, I had to rush to get everything ready for Thanksgiving. It was hugely inconvenient to say the least. [Oh how I sound like a spoiled brat inside my own head!]
I had purchased the jacket from Gap when there was a 35% off sale. I did not want to pay full retail price. Mr. Monk did not want anything else but his old jacket back because he had been wearing the same style for several years. And if you ever wonder why I am calling him Mr. Monk in this blog: Extremely dislike of changes or disruption to routines and sensory sensitivities.
It was my personal, trivial, perfect storm.
Oh it was a saga alright. Albeit a perfectly unnecessary one. And if I really think about it, quite embarrassing and I really should not be writing about it for the world to know… (i.e. of course I absolutely need to blog about it…)
There have been quite a few coupons floating around in the Cyber space for Gap but none of them could be used for in-store purchase AND the online store did not have the jacket any more. There was ONE left in our local store and I do have a 35% off coupon for in-store but that did not become effective until this Friday. So on Wednesday, after much whining from Mr. Monk and everybody else that had to help him zip up the hand-me-down-too-big-and-a-bit-tattered-with-a-non-working-zipper jacket, I broke down. I called the store in the morning and asked for the jacket to be held for me till the end of day. I drove over there at night and lo and behold, the road to the mall was closed. No problem. I would take the detour. When I finally got there, with 10 minutes till closing time, LOOK! Best parking space ever! Why? Because the entire mall was shut down due to power outage!
I went back again the next day, clearly agitated, and paid for the jacket in full price, fully aware that if I had waited one more day, I could have got the jacket at 35% off. But I did not want to risk the possibility that someone could have walked in the store on Friday morning and snatched that stupid prized jacket away from me.
I hate paying full price. I absolutely hate paying full price for clothing items. I really really do. I hate it. Hate it. HATE IT!
I came home with the jacket and guess what? The zipper did not work!
By then Mr. Monk was so defeated and had come to terms with the fact that he simply had to live without his jacket. [Oh the Horror!] It was like Morgan Freeman telling me to give up on this stupid prized jacket and hop over to Lands’ End to order a jacket with their 40% off +Free Shipping promotion. I bit the bullet and ordered a damned jacket and by doing this, I triggered some Cosmic Law about lost clothing items:
Guess what? The jacket, the original one, came back.
When I picked up Mr. Monk from the weekly Chinese school on Sunday, he presented me with the beloved jacket.
I was horrified.
For this meant many things:
1. I did not notice that he had come home with the wrong jacket for an entire weekend PLUS the Monday AND Tuesday AND Wednesday Morning.
2. I had shown my indignation by mistake.
3. I now need to track down the too-large-jacket that he had come home with [Are you still with me?!] that I had shoved into the hands of the childcare facility director, mind you, with great, visible, indignation and annoyance.
4. I need to go over and pick up the jacket from the childcare facility director with my newfound humility and embarrassment, offering up apologies for causing her so much unnecessary trouble.
5. Then I need to bring the jacket back to the mother of the jacket’s owner who asked incredulously, “You mean, you did not notice it was the wrong jacket when you picked up your child last time?!”
She proceeded to tell me how she had made her son wait with her when the school ended.
“I told him that for sure the mother would notice that the jacket does not belong to her child and she would bring it back right away! How can you not notice that the jacket is too big?!” She laughed jocusingly (Joking + Accusing). And then she said it again for good measure, “You mean you really did not notice it until later that day?”
I did not tell her that not only did I NOT notice it that Sunday, I did not notice it until the following Wednesday afternoon…
As I was leaving the Chinese school with my boys in tow, crestfallen, embarrassed (Did I ever tell you that “fear of embarrassment” is one of the two driving forces in my life?), I was accosted by another mother who made an effort to traverse all the moving and converging children in the hallway to deliver her assessment of my appearance that day,
“You really do look cute in that age.” She delivered her line with a smug expression, indicating the hat I am wearing, pointing it out to the young girls surrounding us (who probably are in the right demographics to be sporting this hat…)
Bah Hum Bug! The hat I am sporting this winter season...
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Did I ever tell you that I hate Other Mothers even though in a different telling of this story, I am probably That Mom?
I am on the down cycle (i.e. Y < 0 ). Catch you all when I come up from below the X axis…
“Did I ever tell you that I hate Other Mothers even though in a different telling of this story, I am probably That Mom?”
I like that you can identify this and that is also only made the story better.
I still hope you become the alpha mom, through violence if necessary.
Posky recently posted…Dog Faces and the Long Process of Dotage
This is why I am terrified of becoming a mother…..
other moms.
What a snide little comment to make to you in all of your festive cheer. This is unacceptable.
Hilarious about the jacket though. Glad you finally got everything sorted!
wanderingmenace recently posted…why not to change themes in the middle of the night
First of all, Sine Curve takes an upswing around the 15th, or so I hear. 😉
Secondly, what a passive aggressive bitch!! This woman actually said that to you about your hat and she didn’t limp away? Seriously, we need to work on your ninja skills! That is utter bull!! That hat is perfect for any age bold enough to rock it, clearly you are, clearly she isn’t. Proper response would have been, “Thanks, and while we are on the subject, I thought they outlawed polyester?!”
As for the jacket fiasco, really sweetheart, find a mom, working or not, who hasn’t gone through this scenario, I dare you. You are not alone, it is called being a MOM, not a matter of being a good mom or a bad mom, just being a mom. Kids do not keep up with their things at Mr. Monk’s age and, oddly enough, we don’t check the size of their clothing before we allow them in our vehicles. Wait until you get 12 miles from his friends house and he mildly announces, “Oh, sorry mom, but we need to go back, I have ____’s cell phone instead of mine.” GAH!!!!
Wicked Shawn recently posted…A Month Old Challenge……Continues…
I’ve gone through similar experiences. Ones where I just want to hide under a rock because of how I behaved. Last night I was picking up a friend of my daughter’s, to bring her to dance class, and as her mother went back into the house, she suddenly discovered she had locked herself out of the house. Now, it is icy COLD around these parts. No neighbors are home, her 17 year old son can’t be located and when he is finally tracked down, declares between grunts that he left his keys at home that morning. She has worked a full day and probably needs to prepare dinner or what not. Her husband is at work and won’t be able to make it back for an hour or so. She takes a deep breath, gets into my car, and says, “Can you just drive me to the library? I’ll wait there until my husband can make it back to town.” She was so calm. So graceful under the pressure and exhaustion she must have felt. I was in awe. I knew in my heart there was no way I would have behaved that well if it had happened to me. But then I thought about osmosis. Maybe, if I see enough people act well in similarly stressful circumstances, I will, by absorption, do the same. Hey, if you don’t have dreams, you got nada.
I don’t usually comment here (in fact if I am NOT mistaken I think it is my first time in this life) but I just wanted to let you know that I think it is great that you can be humorous with aspects in your life you are not proud of.
Yet another time where I am happy to be male, because we are allowed to make mistakes. Dad can be silly and foolish, and I am. It is a real gift.
Jack recently posted…The Wisdom of Words
This would make for a fabulous and hilariously funny Seinfeld episode.
Velva recently posted…Sunday Supper- Creamy Turkey and Wild Rice Soup
that hat is the ba hum bug diggety! i don’t believe any of this nonsense about you not being a great mom. just because you don’t over mother or turn your little guys into mama’s boys is no indicator of bad parenting. you’re an awesome role model and are giving them every opportunity to grow into independent, sophisticated, and worldy men. i wish you were my mom!
pattypunker recently posted…i lost my fun
Whatever! You are not perfect, but you are good enough (maybe a little more humble after this). As far as the comment about the hat goes, you are ageless screw those “rules”.
Unknown Mami recently posted…I think…
I have one of those personal perfect storms every time my kids enter the car from school so I’m so angry about the screaming, yelling and jostling that I wouldn’t even notice if they’d come home naked much less sporting the wrong jacket.
You are too hard on yourself. And if ANYONE had ever said anything about my rocking red hat I would have sliced through them like a Ginsu knife at the freaking Benihana.
Also, I caved and did ALL Lands End jackets this year with the exception of one NorthFace for my eldest. YOu can NOT beat the free shipping and 40% off
Ok, first (I typed fist, watch it) of all, you are WAY to hard on yourself! While I’ll admit, that’s one hell of a story, who’s more likely to figure out that their kid has the wrong size jakcet? The mom with the kid who fits into their jacket and doesn’t say anything or the mom whose kid couldn’t fit into it?! And why, didn’t the other mom go to the Chinese school like you went to the center and have they check everywhere AND call all the parents who have kids that would fit in Mr. Monk’s coat?! It’s not all your fault just because they say it is. Really!
And if you would like to borrow my shiny titanium spork some awesome blogger I adore sent me, you are welcome to use it to stab the woman who had a probably with your hat in the forhead. Just say the word!
Also, I read this as “My coy yet relentless PANTSUIT of youthful appearances.” Took me three times to get it right.
SisterMerryHellish recently posted…Hush Puppies and Scary Light Bulb Nuns
Ah the myth of the perfect Mother! Sending women into therapy for over 100 years! Honestly, ALL of these supposedly perfect mother’s who are making you feel guilty are just being passive aggressive to cover up their own fears of inadequacy. Hah! Guys are much better adjusted. We just scowl at each other, or throw punches in a bar room.
PS – Are you referring to the great Sine Curve of life? I thought I was the only one that knew about that! http://20prospect.wordpress.com/2010/01/29/aurora-borealis/
Tom G. recently posted…Stockholm- New York
Won’t the GAP like most stores refund the difference if it goes on sale within 30 days? That would be enough to make me go on permanent strike from the store. Ask me the last time I went to JC Penney – 20 years ago!
Ok first? Stop with the math. Ouch. And second? I love this line: “It was my personal, trivial, perfect storm.” Those are the best kind, pookie.
Elly Lou recently posted…Search Optimization-ish
Okay, I know I’m not supposed to laugh at another person’s expense, but this was hilarious!
My kid keeps forgetting her jacket at school, so yesterday she had to wear an old jacket of mine circa 1990–a fuzzy leopard print jacket with shoulder pads. She looked ridiculous. Luckily, she is only 8 and found leopard print *awesome*.
I love that photo of the woman and the deer, first of all. Second of all, the hat is cute and ageless. Finally, I’ve given this some thought. Why do I enjoy my blogging friends so much and want to hide from my family sometimes. I don’t think it is due to the fact that you can pretend to be something you are not….I mean, you could do that, but I don’t sense that bloggers do that. Most of us probably share way too much. I do think it has something to do with not being needed. I feel like I’m everyone’s keeper in my house and mostly I feel I’m ill-equipped for that job. In blogland, nobody needs me like that. I can offer support without it being on my head if chaos ensues. As far as parenting goes-it’s maddening and fulfilling all at the same time. What are we going to do, eh? The best we can. My son’s brand new winter coat was lost at daycare once on the first day he wore it and never retrieved. I was upset because I couldn’t afford to replace it. We never found it, either. He wore his old one for the rest of the year.
chickens consigliere recently posted…Funny Friday with the Mayor of Crazy Town and Favorite Things Friday with Mrs P
I adore you for sharing this! As a working mom, I am convinced the “good mother” archetype is a scam. We do the best that we can, and that’s all we have. Your kids are evidence of what a great mom you really are.
And we all have our moments. I once was carrying my infant daughter in my arms and smacked her head into a door frame as I walked through it. Yep. From then on, I quit judging Brittany Spears. If cameras followed me around, they’d catch me at some really bad parenting moments. And they’d catch me scratching my butt.
Hi Lin:
This is something that could have happened to any of us (that doesn’t stop us, however, from enjoying your pain!).
Two summers ago, we were on vacation in Prince Edward Island with our four teenagers. We were driving out of the gas station parking lot, when it occurred to me we were missing a child: “Where’s Brianna?” Hope informed us that Bri was still in the washroom. Jim stopped the van, as Bri came running after it. “Were you just going to leave me there?” she asked indignantly. After that, we did a head count after every rest stop…
Hugs,
Wendy
writerwoman61 recently posted…“No- Virginia…There is No Fruitcake Fairy”- and Other Holiday Truths…
Listen, I had the exact same thing happen with my son, except the jacket was way too small and my son didn’t care and we never got him another one and he is 35 now and still losing jackets. And sometimes, hating everyone is our way of dispensing the only gift we have to give in abundance.
Renee Fisher recently posted…The Room You Never Want to Go Into
Oh, this is SO a story that could’ve happened to me! If I had an 8-year-old that went to Chinese school, that is :). I’m still convinced you’re a brilliant mum, and I do hope you got the jacket back from the childcare facility director – and you can return the new, full-priced one, to the store…
Lies recently posted…Quote on a Sungday
Ha ha ha ha! I can imagine not noticing a too-big jacket. And I LIKE the hat!
secret agent woman recently posted…The fireplace is in the den so the stockings are over the window- near the tree