I am not insane

I have to take on a secret identity so I may speak my mind freely. Nobody famous. Just working while female. Female while thinking. Thinking while breathing. Breathing while working. All done while not come unraveling.

This beats talking to myself inside my head. Really. You should try it sometimes.

  1. I am secretly obsessed with angels. As in, I believe in them. Or, I strongly wish they are/were real, even though I am not Christian. I envision them to be the angels in Wim Wender’s “Wings of Desire” (Der Himmel über Berlin). NOT the Nicolas Cage one. Oh, god, no.
  2. I am agnostic because I am too cowardly to make up my mind. I want to have my cake and eat it too.
  3. I am a classic insecure overachiever. Psychotic. A bit bi-polar.
  4. Laziness and fear of embarrassment are the two driving forces in my life.
  5. I played Lizzie Borden in a play when I was in graduate school. In fact, I played a few other homicidal characters, including Hamlet and one of the women in Unfinished Women Cry in No Man’s Land While a Bird Dies in a Gilded Cage who gets to wield an ICE PICK! (I was totally typecast, I suspected…)
  6. Being on stage was the only times when I felt completely free. I miss that feeling with a heartache, barely noticeable except during the night, when I am writing to nobody. Like now.
  7. I also played Billy the Kid (adapted from Michael Ondaatje’s book) and I had the best lines in my acting career:

After shooting Gregory
this is what happened
I’d shot him well and careful
made it explode under his heart
so it wouldn’t last long
was about to walk away
when this chicken paddles out to him
and as he was falling hops on his neck
digs the beak into his throat
straightens legs and heaves
Meanwhile he fell
still tugging at the vein
till it was 12 yards long
as if it held that body like a kite
a red and blue vein out
and the chicken walked away
Gregory’s last words being
get away from me yer stupid chicken


p.s. not insane. That is one of the songs by Sarah Bettens (who imo has the most electrifying voice ever)

p.p.p.s. I am a child of Ervin Goffman.  (Actually, I often wonder what Ervin Goffman would say about Social Media.  Think he’d have a ball pondering the Presentations of Selves on Facebook?)  It is ironic that in this increasingly Schizophrenic world, our selves have to reside in so many different fragments in order to become whole, to stay sane.

You can find me nowadays most often on Instagram; I may have a slight IG addiction I will cop to that. Here are my tumblr with the URL that I LOVE and another tumblr dedicated to polka dots. And of course, I’ve dallied with Foursquare, StumbleUpon, Flickr, PicPlz, HuffPost, Posterous, yFrog and Twitpic — many of these have long been forgotten. What’s yFrog you ask? For the introverts amongst us, I’ve created a Facebook page “Introverts are not shy” as a rallying cry. To make sure I cover the entire Venn diagram, there’s also a Google+ page. Of course I keep multiple Facebook accounts. What do you mean you don’t? One cannot have too many pieces of Horcruxes.

I am addicted to talking to strangers on Twitter even though I am aware of the fact that most of the time I am just talking to a vast vacuum, like in the outer space. I am at peace with it. Incidentally, tweet @ me would be the best way to get in touch with me for we are

Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing,
Only a signal shown and a distant voice in the darkness;
So on the ocean of life we pass and speak one another,
Only a look and a voice; then darkness again and a silence.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

Louisa July 5, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Hi there, just wondering if you could provide me with an email contact for your wonderful blogging self?


Absence Alternatives July 6, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Hi, what’s up? You could always ping me on twitter or Facebook! 🙂


Cat September 26, 2011 at 12:56 pm

“Laziness and fear of embarrassment are the two driving forces in my life.”
Have we met?
Cat´s last blog post…Silly Geese


Absence Alternatives October 9, 2011 at 11:05 am

We have now! 🙂


catgermaine@juno.com September 26, 2011 at 12:55 pm

“Laziness and fear of embarrassment are the two driving forces in my life.”
Have we met? 🙂


Nicole Welkener April 20, 2011 at 3:33 pm

I love your blog. Truly. Love. 🙂
Nicole Welkener´s last blog post…Quitting Blows


Absence Alternatives April 20, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Thank you so much for the very kind words. 🙂 I will try to not disappoint!


Judy N. February 11, 2011 at 9:13 am

Your point about taking on a secret identity so you could speak your mind is one I’ve thought about. I have often not posted certain things because of who is reading my posts. Damn…I should have done that!
Judy N.´s last blog post…Superbowl Thoughts…


Absence Alternatives February 12, 2011 at 12:13 am

In the beginning, I was really tempted to tell people because nobody came by! I finally broke down and told my husband: reason why you don’t see me complaining about my husband or my in-laws here…

Perhaps guest blogging will give you an outlet to talk about things you cannot talk about on your blog?


The real LA love story October 1, 2010 at 8:04 pm

i wish everyone would have a blog advisory system.


Absence Alternatives October 2, 2010 at 1:49 pm

Tru dat! 🙂


writerwoman61 August 27, 2010 at 7:32 am

I found you through comments you made on Jane’s blog…am loving what I’ve read so far! Would it be all right if I added you to my Blogroll? Thanks!



Absence Alternatives August 27, 2010 at 9:37 am

Oh my goodness! Thank you so much for the highest form of compliment! This made my day! And possibly the weekend! (Eh, I hope you are not changing your mind now you see how I am a abuser of exclamation marks!!!!) People are unbelievably kind on the Interweb. I am grateful. Thank you!


writerwoman61 August 27, 2010 at 9:48 am

I also happily abuse exclamation marks at every opportunity! Consider yourself added…



Vanilla North June 15, 2010 at 10:09 am

Finally I could sit my ass and check you out…
this blog is what I call a present for my brain. Thanks!


Absence Alternatives June 15, 2010 at 12:58 pm

Oh my. I am srly blushing here, right now. Thank you for the kind words! You totally made my day (of working with 1500+ rows on Excel file…)


Absence Alternatives November 9, 2009 at 7:13 pm

@ mrsblogalot
The feeling is mutual here. Before the male onlookers get the “bow chica bow wow” music playing inside their heads, below the surface of hilarity, which I adore, I feel the unexplainable kinship that comes of pain and suffering… Maybe you are one of the voices inside me materialized. THAT. Would have been a great Hollywood movie pitch, no?


mrsblogalot November 9, 2009 at 6:18 pm

O.k. I just fell in love with you. Sorry. Deal with it.


Absence Alternatives August 30, 2009 at 10:30 am

@ Jane
Ditto everything you said, from me to you!


Jane August 30, 2009 at 7:48 am

P.S. Thanks for visiting me at my blog!


Jane August 30, 2009 at 7:47 am

Ooooo…I LOVE your blog. You make me think. And thinking is good! I’ll be back!


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