I have been thinking about ants a lot lately. Or rather, the absence of ants. It probably has a lot to do with all the holiday-related activities happening in this house: cookie baking, frosting, sprinkling, gingerbread house decorating. Every time when I see Mr. Monk walking around with a sugar cookie that he has added frosting and sprinkles to, I wince and say to him, “You are lucky we don’t have ants in this house.”
After saying that, I then half expect the ants to show up just to teach us a lesson. Hubris! I live in its shadow.
Moments like this remind me that one of the things about living in America I am most grateful for, in addition to the awesome return policy in most stores, is the lack of ants. The lack of paranoia that a single piece of crumb would attract a horde of ants within five minutes. And there are a lot of crumbs in this house. My kids are like crumb machines; their mouths, as what mothers in Taiwan would say, are like a chipped bowl.
Growing up in Taiwan, I was always wary of leaving crumbs on the floor partly because my mother was vigilant in covering up food and picking up crumbs while yelling “The ants will come and move you back to their colony at night!” and partly because swarms of ants really creep me out. Like the flying German cockroaches, ants are common in houses (i.e. apartments) in Taiwan, at least the places I lived in growing up. It does not matter how clean your house is, they still show up uninvited.
I remember watching wayward ants move along the cracks on the wall as I studied late at night. I followed their trajectories, mesmerized. The wall must be immense from their perspective, like traversing a desert plain. How do they find their friends? Sometimes I would set up “road blocks” by holding my ruler against the wall, forcing the lone ant to change her direction. Again. And again.
Now that I started down the memory lane, I realized that one of my most vivid childhood memories was also one of my greatest childhood traumas:
My mother came home one day from her job at the hotel with a rare treat: a piece of Black Forest Cake. A hotel guest had given my mother the leftover from their party. I had never owned something so extravagant in my life (at that time): The cake was fancifully decorated with delicate chocolate shavings with a cherry perching on top of a tower of whipped cream. It was too beautiful to be eaten and I could not bring myself to cause the cake to disappear. I left it out on the dinner table so I could admire it in all its glory and take my time to savor it later.
I fell asleep before I had the chance.
As soon as I opened my eyes the next morning, I remembered my cake! I put my face right next to it, Ah, CAKE! but noticed that the chocolate sprinkles were moving around…
My father ran to the scene following my scream. He took a lighter and got rid of the ants covering the entire cake. “Here. See? Your cake is ok again.”
“NOOOOOO!!!!!” I was inconsolable. “It is NOT!”
“Look! It tastes just as good.” He took a spoonful of the cake and put it in his mouth to show that the cake was still edible.
All I could do was cry as my father kept on taking a bite off the cake to convince me to try.
I can’t remember how long it took me to recover from the shock. But to this day, whenever I remember that scene, I can still feel the overwhelming sense of regret. If only.
As a grown-up, when I am at a bakery or a coffee shop, I can’t help but order a piece of Black Forest Cake if it is available. But somehow it never tastes as good as the piece that I had never tasted.
.
Not to be all Debbie Downer:( WhaaaaWhaaaa (which relates to my own post today)….but the U.S. is under attack by red imported fire ants from South America! Swears!! We are slowly being invaded. Enjoy the cake now, peeps:)
Wildology recently posted…Tiggers can tick me off- just call me Debbie
Thanks, Dr. “Debbie” for this nice update! LOL
eeeeewwwww moving chocolate sprinkles! frightening!
i didn’t have ant attacks, but i had my savage brother who would eat all the leftover pizza. so i took to hiding 2 pieces for myself in the oven, where he’d never look. so in other words i stored fresh cheese in a warm environment. every week throughout my childhood. could explain the mold on my brain today.
hope you and wicked shawn get some black forest cake in chicago!
pattypunker recently posted…freelance whales
I had an awesome creme burlee under a big giant Christmas tree instead. 🙂
Okay, this post made me really sad.
Even the revulsion over my early childhood flying cockroach memories did not take away the sad.
Made me want to fly to you and bake a black forrest cake.
And you know this b*tch doesn’t bake.
– B x
Thank you. This comment made me cry. Thank you. Seriously, I am so blessed to have found all you people (yes, ALL YOU PEOPLE!) out there on the Internet.
I loved this story. Your mother could lay out some serious threats! Take you back to their colony, eh? No wonder you can’t sleep!
I’ve read that the world would do just fine without humans, but wouldn’t survive without ants. Humbling thought, huh?
Mary Lee recently posted…Inconspicuous
I am a freak about ants, well bugs in general. We get the ants bad here in the early Spring and Fall. I am like your mother.. with the crumbs and such. I have a special way to fill the sugar containers and dispose of the package it was in. I freak out at the thought of those things. Coming from Florida may have something to do with it too. There are fire ants there and they will tear you a new one!
Holly B recently posted…And ThenThe World Turned Upside Down
My mother detested house hold pests and used to spray her crazy ass ant poison all over the window sills where I would inevitably rest my tiny elbows while gazing at the sky.
Then she would scream, jolting me out of my reverie, and reminding me that I would now die a slow and painful death as the poison worked it’s way through my system giving me just enough time to say goodbye to a few family members who were home that day- namely her.
O.K. so I imagined my deathbed scene on my own but STILL!! Just smack the ants don’t poison the four year old. I still tell that story to my kids while my mother is there JUST to infuriate her.
dufmanno recently posted…Melting Clocks and Delores Claiborne
We have fire ants in SC…the kind that sting and swarm. We sprinkle cornmeal or grits or Fire Ant Killer on their mounds. They don’t typically invade the house, but I’d have to move out if they did, because I’ve developed an allergy to their stings.
And I could feel my skin crawling as I read this, so real were the images…
Nance recently posted…Winters Bounty-Winters Bone
Dang ants!!! Such a loss.
My mother used to say that – and I grew up near NYC!
An older man I know once told me that no one from the Bronx eats raisin bran, because in the Bronx, the raisins aren’t raisins, they’re roaches.
magpie recently posted…Eleemosynary
We must lead parallel lives. I, too, remember my mother yelling at me about ants. They’re everywhere in Malaysia! There are also geckos in our homes – another creature I’m glad to not encounter in our house here.
And my favorite cake growing up is Blackforest. Mmm… Sorry about the traumatic incident associated with this cake, but seriously, even without it I haven’t found any that would equal the ones I’ve had in my childhood. Things are always better when you’re a kid – even if it’s the naivete and lack of experience that are the culprits of that thinking.
Justine recently posted…My Soup-Stained Stage Star
Now I’m compelled to eat extra black forest cake every time…for you.
The things we do….
(-:
You are back!!! Better than ant-less BFC!!!
I threaten the kid with ants so he’ll eat in the kitchen, but the ants we tend to get want freaking water. Infest the kitchen and bathroom to drink from the faucet. Like thousands of poorly trained dogs. Bastards.
Naptimewriting recently posted…Come on Barbie- let’s go party!
Don’t know I am envisioning YOUR ants with the face of Jennifer Aniston. *shudder*
The saddest tragedies are always dessert-related. Pretty sure Confucius said that. RIP Black Forest Cake.
alonewithcats recently posted…This is sorely lacking a photo of my cats wearing Santa hats
I would never be able to look at chocolate sprinkles the same way again… On the other hand, you’ve now made me crave Black Forest Cake. (Drag out the elasta-waist pants for the holidays…)
BigLittleWolf recently posted…Role Reversal
I don’t mind ants going about their business outside, but I take exception to them going after my food. I had a similar incident with a plate of brownies. Ugh. It still makes me shudder to think about it.
secret agent woman recently posted…It may be winter outside- but Im holding onto the hope of spring
Hey there Miss Writerly Writer girl, that was beautiful imagery. And gross. Isn’t Chicago too cold for ants?
I’m so sorry for you! What a terrible experience. At least you understand where your fears come from. I’ve got a similar one for rats. I’ll spare you the back story.
We rarely had ants inside, but there were always some outside… black ones, which were pretty harmless, and red ones, and those BIT. They were tiny enough though, so when we were in Croatia last summer and we saw these… HUGE… ants, they almost freaked me out. Almost ;).
Lies recently posted…Nerdy comics
Florida has cockroaches the size of baseballs (exaggerating but, you get the drift, they fly too! Ants well, we have tiny sugar ants that appear every time there is a sweet food available, and fire ants that would carry you away to the queen ant for an appetizer. Got to love that Florida climate.
As always, the post made me smile 🙂
Velva
Velva recently posted…Shrimp and Chorizo Stew
Did you ever play the game Cootie as a child? I did. I think it goes along well with this post…. Love the cake!!!
So wonderfully written! I’m with Catherine!
Last year we spent 3 weeks in a small hotel in Mexico. I was amazed by this line of ants moving upwards to the room, each day I would follow it from my kitchen window all the way winding down to the street. Ants are amazing to watch.. Unless they’re eating your prized piece of cake of course!
Miss Nikki recently posted…Letting Go
OMJ, when The Drama Queen was 5, she fell into a hill of Fire Ants, I was at work and she was carried in and put into a bath to be soothed and get them all off of her as quickly as possible, then they put baking soda in the water to neutralize the burning from the bites. She was so traumatized, that to this day, if she goes to sit on the ground, she carefully inspects it to ensure there are no ant hills anywhere in the vacinity. I think it best I do not tell her they once ruined a piece of chocolate cake, too. She could potentially begin a campaign to exterminate all ants, given her penchant for world changing campaigns and love of chocolate. 🙂
Wicked Shawn recently posted…A Month Old Challenge……Continues…
You always paint such a clear picture of the situation you are writing about I feel like I am living it along with you. Hence my craving for black forest cake this rainy Sunday morning.
I love Black Forest Cake too, Lin!
Your story reminds me of an anecdote about my mom. She loved sweets, and would always get up in the middle of the night for a snack. One time, we were visiting my aunt and uncle. There was a carrot cake on the kitchen counter. Mom knew my aunt’s house well enough to help herself to the cake without even turning on a light. When we came downstairs in the morning, the cake was CRAWLING with ants…
Happy Sunday!
Hugs,
Wendy
writerwoman61 recently posted…“No- Virginia…There is No Fruitcake Fairy”- and Other Holiday Truths…
OOOOOhhhhhhhh
How I hate this phenomenon!!!
The second I cannot have something I spent FOREVER thinking about it. I can remember a specific bite of one sandwich that I spent my time creating. I bit all around the edges, just letting that middle bite build itself up. All ingredients were included, gooey, delicious….
In swarms my father.
Like a giant ant.
Out of nowhere he just takes the bite.
The bite of ’95.
I’ll never get it back.
Sniff.
I feel your pain lady.
wanderingmenace recently posted…Christmas shopping- store front window of the Gods- and a hungry Menace
Your sense of humor is part of what attracts me to your blog. You are a brainiac and your writing is a joy to read. I can relate to your watching the ants. The atmosphere in my family when I was young was such that I stayed outside as much as possible. I remember laying on a sidewalk or a concrete porch watching ants scurrying around doing what they do. Sometimes it was red ants and sometimes large black ants. They never paid attention to me even if I disturbed their path. I was fascinated. I didn’t know much about them at that time but I would watch a small ant carry something so heavy it should have pounded that ant into the ground. So reading your post today about ants brought back one of the few happy memories of my childhood. Interesting how different children have different things affect them, isn’t it?
TechnoBabe recently posted…Brownies Dont Have To Be Square
After reading your post, I realized I haven’t seen ants in our house in quite a while. Strangely, we don’t have ants in the kitchen, but these teeeny tiny ones used to appear along the cracks of walls in this home. And I would freak. I think they must live on dust and dog hair? Bob sprays the yard around the house in the spring with some kind of deadly deterrant that’s probably bad for the earth and my kids. But it keeps the ants out!
Andrea recently posted…Go To Sleep
I’m glad somebody finally wrote a post about ants so I can recommend this book: Empire of the Ants by Bernard Weber. It’s fiction but based on a mind-boggling understanding of how ants operate. It’s unlike any book I’ve ever read, except maybe Watership Down. For months after I read the book, whenver I saw an ant in the pantry, I would just stare at it in complete awe. Then, of course, after awhile, I went back to just slamming them senseless. But I still think about that book.
Renee Fisher recently posted…Jobs I Have Known
Poor thing! That WAS traumatic! Probably payback for the trick with the ruler. Ants are vendictive!