We can’t be friends if your name is Doug

October 5, 2010

in random

Since I have started telling you English words that I simply have a hard time pronouncing, I thought I’d mention this:

What is up with the name DOUG?

I tried and tried and so far I don’t think I’ve managed to pronounce this name correctly. It sounds somewhere in the spectrum between “dog” and “da-g”. People are always going, “Huh? Dog? What?” Seriously? If I am talking about a person, WHAT OTHER NAME is there that sounds remotely like DOG other than DOUG?

One of the guys living in our street is named Doug. So far I have been referring to him as “so and so’s husband” and “so and so’s dad”. If I have to get his attention, well, I hope that day never comes because I really don’t want to be calling him “DOG!”

Yes, I am obsessed. It really bothers me that somehow I cannot master such a simple word. When I go to a social occasion, I actually consciously hope that nobody I meet there is named Doug. And keeping my fingers crossed, so far, nobody at work has this name. KNOCK ON WOOD! It would not look good if I constantly refer to a colleague as “Dog”. HR will come-a-calling soon.


You can get this shirt along with the others from, where else? Cafe Press, the purveyor of .... everything Doug


Next Up: Why I never order VANILLA ice cream or request MANILA folders…


Jen October 12, 2010 at 1:45 pm

This cracks me up. We have a friend named Doug. My 2 year old calls him “Bug.” Somehow it works. Give it a try!

Absence Alternatives October 12, 2010 at 1:48 pm

Bug bug bug. I like that. 🙂

Vodka and Ground Beef October 12, 2010 at 12:33 am

The title alone is hilarious.
Vodka and Ground Beef´s last blog post…Team of the Week

Absence Alternatives October 12, 2010 at 1:38 am

Awesome! Now I am getting a big head.

Naptimewriting October 8, 2010 at 12:16 am

Okay, here’s your practice.
“Uuuuuuuuh. Uuuuuuuuuuuh.” Stick your lower jaw as far backward as possible.
“Uuuuuuuuuuuuh. Duuuuuuuuuuuuuug.”

And then just rotate through these: Man, Buddy, Friend, and Kitch’s suggestion of Dude. Might as well pretend you forgot his name, because being embarrassed that you can’t remember is better than being honest about how awful his name is.
Naptimewriting´s last blog post…Open Letter to the Friend Who Quit

Absence Alternatives October 9, 2010 at 7:22 pm

LOL. That’s a good call!

Robin October 7, 2010 at 8:24 am

I can’t help but think of that scene from The Cutting Edge.
Robin´s last blog post…The Damn I Happen To Give

Absence Alternatives October 9, 2010 at 7:21 pm

Wow. You remember the characters’ names so well! Most of the time I only remember their names if their names happen to be the titles of the movies.

Absence Alternatives October 6, 2010 at 6:48 pm

Dear All, are you telling me that all these years of agonizing over how to pronounce DOUG and it sounds exactly like DUG?

Now I feel stupid because I can say DUG very well. I say “I dug myself into a deep hole” all the time.

Absence Alternatives October 6, 2010 at 6:50 pm

Thank you all the English lesson. Now I can go forth and make friends with DOUGs. I however will continue to shun the RONs.

secret agent woman October 6, 2010 at 4:21 pm

So, uh, how would you say dug, as in “I dug a hole in the ground?” Same word.
secret agent woman´s last blog post…Wheres the goddamn noodles- YART- Part 1

Absence Alternatives October 6, 2010 at 6:46 pm

I like this. Very practical. As Miss B suggested in her email to me just use it in a sentence such as “I dug a hole for the body of the guy I just stabbed…”

Meg at the Members Lounge October 6, 2010 at 11:38 am

I would keeping going with dog, because that’s what Randy Jackson from American Idol calls EVERYONE.
Meg at the Members Lounge´s last blog post…From Flip Flops to Fleece

Absence Alternatives October 6, 2010 at 6:45 pm

If Doug’s wife were gorgeous, I could have said, “You DOG you!”

Jack October 6, 2010 at 2:16 am

I spell my name JACK but I pronounce it Doug.
Jack´s last blog post…Do you Have Blog Envy

Absence Alternatives October 6, 2010 at 6:45 pm

Damn, man. Now we cannot be friends. That, and the restraining order you put on me…

Velva October 5, 2010 at 8:01 pm

Now, why can’t I come up with a witty comment like Kitchen Witch? The best I can come up with to write, is that knowing someone named “Doug” will make me want to call him “Dog” from this day forward.
Velva´s last blog post…Mushroom and Provolone Patty Melt

Absence Alternatives October 6, 2010 at 6:44 pm

So it it true that native speakers never think the name reminds them of Dog? Interesting…

dufmanno October 5, 2010 at 7:10 pm

When I read this I get a little sad because I know you are somewhere giving an important presentation.
Then I think about all the Doug’s I know and I scratch my head because it turns out I don’t know any.
If I ever DO come in contact with and befriend a Doug however I will promptly try out Patty Punkers idea.
dufmanno´s last blog post…A Girl Really Should Know Her Limitations

Absence Alternatives October 6, 2010 at 6:43 pm

Thank you. 🙂 I did not call my bosses DOG or DOUG. So all is well.

BigLittleWolf October 5, 2010 at 5:33 pm

You crack me up. I will admit I particularly like saying the name “Doug” in French. It comes out “Doog.” Don’t know why that tickles me (go figure), but it sure doo(g).
BigLittleWolf´s last blog post…Righteous Recreation of Self-Image

Absence Alternatives October 12, 2010 at 1:07 pm

Woooooo. French pronunciation. I am laughing now imagining myself faking a very bad French accent (a la Steve Marin in Pink Panther) calling people DOOG. LOL

Wicked Shawn October 5, 2010 at 5:33 pm

Okay, I was going to be all sympathetic and shit, then I read pattypunker’s comment and you lost me. Her rug muncher comment got me! WTF??!! Now, when you see your neighber Doug, no worries whatsoever about mispronouncing his name, just hope you don[t mistakenly blurt out “rugmuncher”. Easy peasy, ala pattypunker. ROFLMFAO!!!!
Wicked Shawn´s last blog post…It Wasn’t My Fault

Wicked Shawn October 5, 2010 at 5:34 pm

Perhaps it would be best for me to not coment after drinkin
Wicked Shawn´s last blog post…It Wasn’t My Fault

Absence Alternatives October 6, 2010 at 6:43 pm

No m’lady. You should ALWAYS have some drink before you comment. :0)

Linda at Bar Mitzvahzilla October 5, 2010 at 5:32 pm

That’s so funny. I do that “so and so’s father” or “X’s husband” because I’m constantly forgetting names, like of people I should know. It just seems that now, with being 50 and all, I’ve known so many people from so many places – jobs, schools, exercise classes, synagogues, etc. – that I can’t keep everything straight. My mind goes blank. I need notecards.

Absence Alternatives October 6, 2010 at 6:42 pm

Just make everybody wear a name tag. Name tags are in now.

pattypunker October 5, 2010 at 3:56 pm

ok, think carpet-muncher. and the easy peasy way to say that is rug-muncher. and what ryhmes with rug is doug. does doug wear a rug? (yeah, i have no idea either.)
pattypunker´s last blog post…things lindsay lohan says

Absence Alternatives October 6, 2010 at 6:41 pm

Wow. Dr. Seuss! LOL

SisterMerryHellish October 5, 2010 at 12:57 pm

Can you say “Duh?” No, no… Put the the switchblade down! I meant can you literally say the word “duh?” Doug is like “Duh” with a “g” on the end of it. The one I know though, he’s mostly just like “Duh.”
SisterMerryHellish´s last blog post…The Freakdar Never Lies- Return of the CSG

Absence Alternatives October 6, 2010 at 6:40 pm

Good. I did not want to have to cut you. LOL.

magpie October 5, 2010 at 12:41 pm

I wish I knew a Doug. I’d send this along.
magpie´s last blog post…Scenes from a Weekend- Part 1

Absence Alternatives October 6, 2010 at 6:39 pm

It is never too late to make friends based on what their names are. 😉

Tom G. October 5, 2010 at 12:29 pm

Hmm… did you ever notice that Doug spelled backwards is God? Creepy.
Tom G.´s last blog post…Secret Notes from the Lair of my Dark Corporate Overlords

Absence Alternatives October 6, 2010 at 6:31 pm

Even creepier is that it is a dog after it swallowed U whole.

Elly Lou October 5, 2010 at 10:06 am

It’s the past tense of dig – as in “can you dig it?” So instead of saying, “I did so-and-so’s husband’s lime green capri pants,” you can say, “I totally dug Doug’s orange, flowered headband at the last cotillion.”

I know. You’re welcome.
Elly Lou´s last blog post…Too Sexy For Her Cone

Absence Alternatives October 6, 2010 at 6:30 pm

I wish my neighbors were as cool as your family.

LOL. 😉

writerwoman61 October 5, 2010 at 8:23 am

Maybe the rhyming thing will work again? “Doug” rhymes with “bug.”

writerwoman61´s last blog post…Coincidence I Think Not!

Absence Alternatives October 6, 2010 at 6:29 pm

Or I can just call him BUG. LOL

TheKitchenWitch October 5, 2010 at 8:00 am

If you ever meet a guy named Doug just refer to him as “dude.” Because all Dougs smoke weed.

This post made me giggle out loud.

Absence Alternatives October 6, 2010 at 6:29 pm

Dude, you really get my wacked-out sense of humor. You on weed too? 😉

Mary Lee October 5, 2010 at 6:56 am

LOL! Forget that O, Girlfriend. Down here, he’d be Dug. Or maybe D-u-u-u-u-g.

What else can I translate for you in my attempt to make you a belle? 🙂
Mary Lee´s last blog post…Bedecked!

Absence Alternatives October 6, 2010 at 6:28 pm

How do you say “Quick I need a shot of vodka because I am sweating like a pig” down in the south?

p.s. You are like the reverse Jive-talking Lady on Airplane!

Catherine October 5, 2010 at 6:09 am

I think you need to go hard core gangsta style and call him D-Dog
Catherine´s last blog post…The intimacy of eye contact

Absence Alternatives October 6, 2010 at 6:26 pm

Great idea, C-Dog! (“th” is very hard for me too, you know…)

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