Not for pointing out that someone called me a Douche, but for putting me next to Glenn Beck…
YIKES! Disclaimer: I was not called a Douche, at least not publicly, not on Twitter at least. Someone @ me with the word "douche" in the reply. So the Bot is not only a Douche, but a Douche Fail. Sad, really… p.s. Sadder is I who spent time on writing and posting this, you may say. I concur my friend.Posted via email from The Absence of Alternatives
I know I am late to the party. But here is my motto as a good wife and good mother: Family First, and Bacon Second…
September 6, 2009 was the Second International Bacon Day. And of course, in case you, like I, wondered, there is a blog dedicated to this much celebrated holiday.
How much do we love bacon? Or rather, how much do the marketing departments think we love bacon?
A lot, apparently. Let me count the ways…
Every man’s dream?
A way to attract any man you want to?
Cougar alert?
Do the ladies in the soon-to-be-flop “Cougar Town” use this lip balm to help them lure their prey?
How long before I can no longer resist the temptation and press the “ORDER” button? Would be an awesome gag gift. Especially if package with the…
And, don’t forget the Bacon Flavored Jelly Beans…
(No doubt, my obsession with bacon is long-standing… Think Bacon flavored vodka: store bought and home-made)
Don’t feel like swallowing the questionable food items? No problem. Try bacon-flavored dental floss...
Don’t want your love for bacon involve your mouth at all? How about showing it on your skin?
And so on and so forth…
Will bacon ever become too much of a good thing?
Update 09-13-2009:
Apparently not…
Now whenever I go on Amazon.com (or as a good friend with better conscience calls them, The Evil Online Retail Overlord), Bacon-themed product will prominently show up on the screen. Eh. I wonder why…
“You might also consider…”
So I have been introduced to Bacon Air Freshener
The thing is, ever since 7, I can never look at any hanging car freshener without remembering that scene… And so I was thinking, “Wouldn’t it be funny and ironic and even scarier if the serial killer aka Kevin Spacey actually used these?”
p.s. Apparently, one can become an “affliat” with Amazon.com and make $ by enticing people to click on the links that lead them to Amazon. Trust me: I am too lazy to do that. Jeff Bezos just owes me a lot of favors. That’s all.
Here is how the story begins…
“They’re made out of meat.”
“Meat?”
“Meat. They’re made out of meat.”
“Meat?”
“There’s no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all the way through. They’re completely meat.”
… … …
Please do continue to read the short story, “They’re Made Out Of Meat“, the original on Terry Bisson’s website
Of course I learned of this short story from one of the Tweets on my Twitter stream. After I RTed it and stumbled it and emailed it to everybody that I know of who will get a kick out of this, it simply was not enough.
I truly feel it is our duty as Interweb citizens to share all the wonderful things available on the Net. (Yes, I admit. I am a dork. Notice that I said, a dork, and not a geek. As Geeks have now gained some sort of mythical status in our pop culture. They are the cool dorks, with potential to make millions…)
So here it is: my meager attempt to do my part. To let as many people know as possible of this great, humorous, thought-provoking, piece of science fiction. It will make you laugh, and it may also make you think about our existence in this dark, cold, lonely universe…
Now I am off to read more about the science fiction writer, Terry Bisson.
Posted via web from The Absence of Alternatives
American Vice: Mapping the 7 Deadly Sins (from Wired, where else?!)
Greed
Average income compared with number of people living below the poverty line.
Interesting… Have to say… Chicago is looking very very greedy here…
Gmail Fail, originally uploaded by Rammikins!.
Who you gonna call?
 |
22 As a 1930s wife, I am Very Poor (Failure) |
Sheesh!
You think you can do better? Take the test yourself!
After weeks of toiling, virtually, on his own farm, i.e. the infamous Facebook application Farm Town where many a woman allegedly have lost their husbands or vice versa, Mr. Monk my 6 year old finally made enough money, all 70,000 coins (which are worth $50 in real life currency), to purchase his own farm house, Small House.
“It’s the best day of my life! In Farm Town!”
He exclaimed, while doing a Gene-Kelly-Singing-In-The-Rain-esque gig.
Oh, the small things in life!
(Eh, I just realized that the real “Farm House”, which looks more like a mansion, costs 300,000 coins. Yeah, like that’s going to happen… I’d have gotten carpel tunnel for helping him reach that goal…)
To recap, I decided to follow the recipe for Bacon-flavored vodka…
Why? Because I love Bacon. And I love Vodka. So it seems like a no-brainer…
I went to Walmart to gather my supply. Why Walmart when we know they are evil? Because Walmart was the only place where I recall for having ever seen mason jars being sold. I was lucky I even knew what mason jars are considering how I am basically illiterate in the cooking & food prep jargon department. I didn’t even know what Blanch means until recently.
Hint: It is not the name of Vivien Leigh’s character in A Streetcar Named Desire… Seriously.
Besides, ever since I knew the existence of peopleofwalmart.com, I couldn’t wait to go back and see for myself.
Eh. Yeah. Way too many people wearing Zubaz pants still. I didn’t take any photos though. It is actually kind of difficult to do that surreptitiously! So my hat’s off to all the brave souls who have submitted photos to People of Walmart. I was worried that I might get punched by the woman with wiry blond hair that looked like she just touched a plasma globe to dare.
Also, knowing that this website exists makes me extremely self-conscious at Walmart.
Is it just me? I mean, I am absolutely paranoid now. I actually dressed up to go to fucking Walmart! I made sure I wear my control-top so my tummy didn’t flop out. I even put on full make-up so I didn’t look like someone who’s on meth. I also combed my hair.
But the friggin’ kids did not cooperate at all. Within 10 minutes after we got into the store, I was hissing loudly:
“Stop touching your brother with the umbrella or I will stick it in your…”
“I don’t care if he is friggin’ sitting on YOUR pizza rolls. They are frozen! They are hard like rocks!”
“What do you mean you won’t eat them? Listen here, buddy. If I buy them for you, you are going to eat them, you hear me? Otherwise I am going to rip you a new one…”
“I don’t friggin’ care if he’s putting the shrimps on top of his feet. You don’t even eat shrimps. What do you care?”
“OK. Both of you. Stop doing that! You are going to get IT when we get home!”
(No. I don’t know what IT is. I never do.)
The best part is? When we finally got out of the store, I looked at the dusty passenger window of a monster truck and saw myself all disheveled. So much for combing my hair. I also had the look of someone who was willing and ready to commit manslaughter. I won’t be surprised if we get on People of Walmart, or even YouTube.
The shopping part was not really a success either – I was able to only cross two items off of my list:
This Walmart seemed to have recently revamped itself to focus on the frozen food section. It does not seem to carry items that a manly man will need on a daily basis, such as tarp, fishing waders, and safety goggles. So I was rather disappointed. Truth be told, I was rather happy to save the money: I just could NOT go with the Number 1 item on my list: Cheap Vodka…
What if the experiment turns out to be a failure because I use CHEAP vodka? Huh?
I kept on asking myself this ever since I read the recipe. So here is what I got from Walmart for the Bacon-flavored Vodka experiment:
I was pissed I had to get 12 mason jars at once. TWELVE! So you all can now expect to get pickled plum from me for Christmas…
Ok, not really. I guess if the first batch turns out to be a success, I will be glad that I have extras lying around the house.
I wonder whether the teachers will be happy to receive home-made Bacon-flavored vodka this Christmas instead of Bath and Body Works lotions?
p.s. I am not sure whether you can see the gigantic mixing batter bowl with lid on the side of the picture? Anyway, that was a total impulse buy. The idea of having a mixing bowl with a lid so you can have home-made pancakes on demand appealed to me at the moment when I saw it. But after I got home and opened the fridge I saw this:
WTF? Oh. I’d completely forgot I had gotten this the other day! I also remembered how I had made the kids pancakes “from scratch” by mixing Hungry Jack with water and they had both refused to eat them and I had vowed to never make them anything “from scratch” again…
But I felt better when I found an immediate use for the new mixing bowl that will probably never experience the sensation of batter lolling around inside it…
Yeah… Apparently you need to wash and dry the mason jars in “hot soapy water” before you can use them. WTF?
First of all, I am going to add vodka to it. It looks like water. So I am not even going to bother with drying them.
And can I just please ask this question that’s been bothering me for a long time…
Why do the instructions always demand “HOT” water?
Seriously.
How hot does the water have to get to be able to kill the germs? Won’t that water melt your hands together? If the “hot water” is for killing the germs, then why can’t we use “just water”? What is the point?!
Don’t get too excited because I washed three of the dozen mason jars. I had started out being quite ambitious. But later reason kicked in: I realized that one of these suckers is going to take almost HALF bottle of my GOOD Vodka.
I mean, really good Vodka.
Stay tuned.
Apparently Pork-flavored Vodka is gaining some traction now in the Northeast, originated from Seattle, more specifically, the Seattle-based Black Rock Spirits. According to this online article, Bacon-Flavored Vodka: What’s Next? Eggs Bourbon? , BAKON, the vodka with an oink in it, is getting some dedicated followers because people just love bacon.
Thanks to the same article, a recipe for a home-made concoction to spice up your Vodka and martini with bacon is also available:
“Add cooked bacon to a clean pint sized mason jar. Trim the ends of the bacon if they are too tall to fit. Or you can just throw in a bunch of fried up bacon scraps. Crushed black peppercorns can be added for a real zing, but check your zinger scale of tolerance first.
Fill the jar up with vodka. Cap and place in a dark cupboard for at least three weeks. Then place the bacon vodka in the freezer to solidify the fats. Contact local authorities to be on hand before opening and then strain out the fats through a coffee filter. The yield should be clear, pale yellow bacon vodka. (If it is any other color, check with health officials.) Decant into decorative bottles and enjoy.”
I am PUMPED! I think I owe it to myself to experiment on this. Here is my shopping list (which of course I tweeted, that’s what Twitter is for, no?):
A very funny @Andjelija suggested that I check out prices for my supplies at Walmart, and take pictures while I am at it.
I will blog my experiment, so stay tuned…
*pouring Vodka*
Here’s to a successful experiment!
And to me not getting punched while taking pictures of people at Walmart!
And also to no pictures of me getting submitted to peopleofwalmart.com!