Tag Archives: marketing at work

On Facebook’s “On this Day” and Nostalgia

Dear Mark Z, congratulations on the new baby. And kudos for knowing Chinese. I’ve just added you to the list of “See? These people can learn to speak Chinese. Why can’t you?” to show my kids. Oh, don’t worry. I am not asking you for money like Kanye West just did. To be fair though, he’s also asked Larry Page for help.

I know you don’t use Twitter. Aww. How quaint. But Kanye’s Tweet is the best parody account there is. He’s a parody of himself, a mirror reflecting back on a mirage, a meme of a meme. This somehow makes him the realest paradoxically.

Is your birthday really on Valentine’s Day? That’s a pretty cool thing to include as “The three things about myself that most people don’t know” when you have to do one of those awkward get-to-know-you self introductions.

I am rambling. You are so easy to talk to.

All I set out to write is this: STOP FUCKING SHOWING ME MY “FACEBOOK MEMORIES”!

Seeing pictures from a year ago does not make me happy. The more years it has transpired, the more depressing they are. I have peaked a long time ago. My life has since been going downhill. Those memories mock me for having wasted another year of my life with nothing to show for. (You’ll have to agree that Facebook posts do not amount to “things to show for”).

They are signposts, marking my march downward.

When I see “On this day,” I inadvertently think to myself, “Yup. And ON THIS VERY DAY, I am crying for all the wasted breath I’ve taken and what have I done and I should go jump off a bridge.” Pass the donuts.

Did you know that in the 17th to 19th century, nostalgia was considered a psychopathological disorder? I bet you don’t. I bet you are not a very nostalgic person either. Most winners of life aren’t. So thank you for pushing to cause a global pandemic of nostalgia with this fancy Facebook feature while you yourself has nothing but the future to look forward to.

In Greek nostalgia literally means “the pain from an old wound.” It’s a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn’t a spaceship, it’s a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards… it takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It’s not called the wheel, it’s called the carousel. It let’s us travel the way a child travels – around and around, and back home again, to a place where we know are loved. — Don Draper

And we all know what that place is.

Facebook.

Nice try.

“See what the others are buying right now!” God helps us.

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I confess: I have a shopping addiction. With free shipping and return, I have got into the habit of ordering everything that I think “may” look good on me (Ok, I also am an optimist. Shut up!) from Myhabit.com and Gilt.com.

As a matter of fact, I am wearing these right now (fresh from the UPS box I just opened). And it’s almost 2 am.

NOT me.

Not me either

So, yeah, my addiction, fortunately, is more like a shopping AND RETURNING addiction.

UPS and USPS. I am looking at you. I am single-handedly keeping you both in business.

Tonight, Gilt.com rolled out a beta called Gilt LIVE.

See what members are buying right now!

Images of goods that have been sold populate your screen one after the other. I was supposed to be in bed about an hour ago, yet I have been staring at my screen. Mesmerized.

This is consumerism unfolding itself live in front of our very eyes.

You get to watch our economy being rescued from a potential recession one shoe at a time.

Whoever came up with the idea of Gilt LIVE is a genius and deserve a huge bonus and promotion. I am so serious about this I am pondering writing Gilt Groupe a letter to put in my $0.02. As I watch the live stream of things that’re sold artfully morph into each other and the discreetly small box at the corner discreetly alert me that they are almost gone, it’s rather tempting to at least click on the images and see WHY they are so popular. What’s more, to be 100% honest, a part of me feels more confident buying something that others have rushed to buy because “it must have been a great deal!” “The dress probably does not look as ridiculous once you put it on!” otherwise people would not have bought it in droves, right?

A self-fulfilling prophecy if there is one.

I am so amazed by the genius in this move, yet at the same time I am amazed why nobody else had thought of this sooner. Being a data nerd and a marketing/strategy person, I am dying to know how much additional sales Gilt LIVE brings in and how quickly, and how many idiots like me click on the images as they rapidly scroll by as if we are at an arcade playing Whac-a-Mole…

Sweatpants

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Is it just me or does he have boobs bigger than mine

(Disclaimer: This post was written at airport lounge while I sipped on my 2nd and 3rd Bloody Marys. Also, it is posted in lieu of the Chinese New Year of which I have nothing to blog about. I am NOT celebrating it as I am on a business trip for the next three days… #ChineseWeGetNoRespectAroundHere)

I want to go to there.

To inside the website pages of Abercrombie & Fitch and Hollister. A la The Purple Rose of Cairo. (Incidentally one of my favorite movies that made me cry uncontrollably when I was going through my emo years…)

Yeah yeah yeah. I know the shirtless models from the teen store are old news for you hipsters out there. But I have never really paid attention to the brouhaha back when concerned citizens complained about the half-nekkid men in Abercrombie’s marketing campaigns and sometimes, if you’re lucky, inside their stores. As you can see, the protest has since died down and forgotten, and Abercrombie continues to use sex to lure in the real credit card holders (aka moms). Business obviously is thriving otherwise how can they command the kind of prices they do? Really. Why would any teenager need a hoodie that costs $200 or a winter jacket made of cotton and nylon for $600? (For that price, you’d better be wearing some dead animal. Just sayin’)

Even in my obsessive search for pants, I did not set foot in A&F. In fact, I made a deliberate effort to turn my head away when I walked with my son past by it in the mall. It was on the back of my head: I wanted to steer absolutely away from the potential accusation of being a leering dirty old lady. How wrong is it to lust after the models advertising clothing to your own children? It feels at the very least questionable. Aren’t you all surprised that I am a closeted prude?

Because I have never even taken a good look at the store, I was in for a shock of a lifetime when late one night I decided to check out A&F: I was desperate because the sweatpants from Aeropostale are now reportedly too short for my teenager.

So I opened up their front page…

Oh my. Come to mama!

I am sure my pupils were dilated and my mouth turned into a wolf snout. I quickly looked around to make sure my kids were not around even though it’s already past midnight. I felt… dirty.

Now did y’all know that in the world of these headless, shirtless models, “sweatpants” is a category on its own? SWEATPANTS. A category on its own!

Not only that, like fancy jeans, there are different styles that you can choose from. For your kids, of course. Of Course. Behold the glory from both A&F and Hollister (another store I have never set my foot in esp. since it is so deliberately dark and dance-club-hip, I just want to run in and go, “Where is the fucking bar?!”) Anyway, you are welcome.

Now that I have had a chance to stop staring and regain some blood back to my brains, it kind of made sense: sweatpants are a big deal for teenage boys. My son has been wearing a short-sleeved t-shirt and sweatpants ever since he became a teen, no matter the temperature outside. (He wears jeans when we ask him to “dress up”…) But no worries Internet, I did not capitulate to the lure of headless shirtless men with their nether region almost showing. I was not about to pay $60 for a pair of sweatpants.

I hesitated before I clicked on Underwear, expecting to have nose bleeds from getting too excited. But was relieved, ok, fine, mildly disappointed that there is no image of models demonstrating the goods. Thank goodness though David Beckham came through (for H&M). And seriously, him? Fair game, imo. I have no problem ogling that old man.

By the way, how many of you, like me, chuckled at “Classic Straight”?

Straight fit. All the way down. Thou doth protest too much.

What is Classic straight anyway? Rock Hudson?

And… I am not done yet. At the end of day, I do have to admit: A&F website is a much greater pleasure to browse with a cocktail in hand than its competitors. I checked out American Eagles. All I can say is, Really, really?!

First of all, they are all wearing shirts. The nerves of those men! On top of that, what is up with that posture? Something wrong with your back and knees? Is that supposed to be sexy? Someone needs to call American Eagles and set them (and those legs) straight.

A Piece of TV Reality

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A couple of guys were giving out rims of paper at a street corner this morning when I was inching my way to the office. I was mildly puzzled: Really? What made some paper company think it’s a good promotional ploy to give away a whole pack of printing paper? And why would I want to be carrying around something this heavy?

Well… I am very happy to stand corrected.

To Buy a Fat Hog

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Dear Costco,

I don’t know how you did it. But you won.

I shop at the Costco near our house in the Chicago suburbs right before every one of my trips home and throw money at you as if money were grown on trees: vitamins, vitamins, and more vitamins. These are popular items that will sure to please everybody back home. The tiny shelves in my parents’ already cramped bedroom proudly display the vitamins and nutritional supplements that promise to improve the condition of ailments from A to Z like a mini drugstore. Don’t get me wrong: I appreciate your role in my parents’ happiness and pride as they tell their friends which one is for what and the fact they were all brought back from the USA by their ~~wayward~~ daughter. Something to show for.

Ever since your appearance in Taipei, you have become the new love of people here. They love you so much that there are now 3 of you. The one inside the city proper is so crowded that you need to station employees in the street, trying to entice people to drive to another Costco “8-minute drive away” with a coupon for a free drink. I rolled my eyes at the craziness of this all. It is ONLY Costco, people.

Yes, I will confess. I visit Costco every time when I am in Taipei: I go with my family so they can replenish their supplies. It is one of those regular mundane boring things I do not get to do with them. So yes I am paying my dues. When I walked in yesterday, I was at first floored by how exactly like my Costco it was. Eerie almost.

Everything looks the same at first but once I got into the thick of it, I noticed a lot of differences. Kudos really for finding the perfect formula to adapt a quintessential American warehouse shopping concept (and seriously, you really need massive pieces of land to support this concept, no?) to the small island of Taiwan. You started with smaller packages since people have not as much storage space, are accustomed to making more frequent shopping trips, and are in general more frugal. Instead of giant rolls of Bounce paper towels, the ones sold in Taiwan are half the size. I wonder whether you have heard stories of old folks washing, line drying, and reusing Bounce, driving their children in sane with a house full of sheets of Bounce in varying drying stages. Nevertheless, I was very impressed with the homework you have done and continue to do.

As I was rolling my eyes at the exuberant crowd and their shopping carts piled high with goods, I was at the same time WOWed by the unique items you have managed to source and stock in the store: Frozen, ready to heat, Chinese dishes. I believe you have single-handedly changed how Chinese women make dinners at home.

Whiskey Tasting in Costco. (And yes, sigh, Christmas stuff in Taiwan now too...)

I became dejected as I mentally calculated the pros and cons of smuggling some of these frozen dishes in my suitcase, esp. the “Buddha Jumping Over the Wall” which traditionally takes a lot of time and work to prepare and in no friggin’ way would I even attempt to make. But you cheered me up with tasting tables, esp. this one, that I KNOW will never be seen in my Costco.

I left with souvenirs for people back in the U.S. purchased from Costco. Don’t tell me you do not find it ironic.

Either way, I am not able to escape you. You got me in and out.

You won.

Sincerely,
A loyal Costco member

p.s. Would you ever consider REVERSE-import the Costcos in Taipei into the Chicago area?

Sundays in My City – Small Things in Life

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I sometimes wonder whether this whole brouhaha over “small things in life” is not a conspiracy started by people who did not have an exciting life to begin with.

Oh… *Rubbing hands together* Let’s make them believe that the small things in life are far more grand than the BIG things. This way they would not pity us for the lack of excitement in our mundane existence, and instead, they would be jealous of our ability to cultivate an appreciation for the mundane, the boring. The City Mouse will envy the Country Mouse. The urbanites with their late-night parties and cultural affairs and social engagements will put back their sneers towards the suburbanites. The sophisticates will look at their ennui and wish they have our kind of boring life instead. Excellent.

To be honest, being a working parent, BORING WEEKENDS are what I look forward to… I have worked my ass off during the week, what do you mean I am in charge of entertaining the kids on the weekends? So yeah, is there a conspiracy? You be the judge…

Nothing happened on this long Labor Day weekend. We live in the burbs and we don’t have cable and I did not find time to read the newspapers and I was kind of banned from my laptop (aka the Internet aka Twitter) so it is as if the world has stopped existing.

The most exciting thing that’s happened around here has been the opening of a new grocery store. I am not kidding. More than three people told me, on separate occasions, “Have you checked out _____ Market?” They made it sound as if this new store were the Second Coming (in both senses). So we checked it out.

OMG freshly made pizza! OMG sandwiches made from high quality meats and cheeses! OMG freshly squeezed orange juices (“Like the ones I saw in València!” my too-well-traveled husband exclaimed)! OMG bakery stocked with gorgeous looking cupcakes, giant cookies, lavishly-decorated cakes, European-style pastries, plump donuts! Please note our family’s total disregard for what this grocery store is actually famous for: Fresh produce. Thank you.

Say what you may about the Great Conspiracy. This weekend we got to have our cake and eat it too.

And we made a brouhaha out of the accidental rainbows (which regularly appear every morning) at the breakfast table.

The DOUBLE RAINBOWS have nothing on this, as we all know, “A rainbow in the hand is worth two in the bush”!

Russell: Sometimes, it’s the boring stuff I remember the most.

From the movie “Up” which we watched again this weekend. I told you: it’s that kind of boring weekend.

Twinkies got a bad rep ’cause we find the name irresistible

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In the American Pop culture conscious, there is this curious obsession with Twinkies. One of the new exhibits at the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago is about Twinkies. Putting our obsession with this oddity on view.

For once, let’s scientifically study the myth that Twinkies will never die. Observe and report. (I will visit MSI later again to check on the Twinkie that is on view there).

Of course, Twinkies are not the only food that are believed to be evil-incarnate. Why such revilement?

My theory is that half of that ill-begotten fame came from the name, Twinkie. What’s in a name? If it were called “Hostess Cream-filled Yellow Cake”, or, let’s say, Snow Puff, it would not have become such a legend, warts and all. Kudos to the marketing team that came up with this name that is now a major part of American pop culture.

Upon further investigation, I learned that the name Twinkie came from a chance encounter with a billboard:

In 1933, James Dewar, a baker at Continental Baking Company in Indiana, was inspired and came up with this name when driving by a billboard advertising shoes from the “Twinkle Toe Shoe Company”.

This is serendipity! In our collective consciousness for food, Twinkies share a significant space with the shoe in Charlie Chaplin’s The Gold Rush… Ok. Maybe it is proven once again that I am easily amused. TOO easily.

Ode to Twinkies

‘Tis but thy name that makes thou irresistible;

Thou art thyself, though not a Twinkie.

What’s Twinkie? it is nor Monoglycerides nor diglycerides

Nor Polysorbate 60, nor Hydrogenated shortening, nor any other part

Belonging to proper CAKE. O, be some other name!

What’s in a name? that which we call a Twinkie

By any other name would induce as much grimace??

So Twinkie would, were it not Twinkie call’d,

Retain that dear longevity which it owes

Without that title. Twinkie, doff thy name,

And for that name which is no part of thee

Take all the cream.

Life seen thru a Kinder: Subway is now a form of measurement

Happy Valentine’s Day. And here is a necklace to remind you of your big fat behind…

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Hey, honey, I shrunk your ass!

Here it looks like a snake. Awesome!

Is it just me. or does not the entire jewelry line based on Jane Seymour’s Open Heart design remind anybody else of a buttock?

The first time we saw the commercial on TV, either from Jared or Kay Jewelers, purveyors of cheesy jewelries, my boys cried out, at the same time, “It looks like a butt!” And I had to agree with them.

So nobody at those jewelry stores, when they were just looking at the designs, BEFORE they turned the design into actual goods, saw that and said, “Maybe we should look into something else…” ?

So, maybe it is really just me then.

The Absence of Alternatives

My therapy sessions…