This is a cheap shot and oh so predictable. But I need to pay homage to the latest Interweb sensation and not only an awesome Internet meme in the making but a generous provider of meme material.
Yes, my friend. I am talking about Charlie Sheen. My apology indeed. I know most of you are tired of hearing/reading about Sheen’s latest antics by now, but allow me to have some fun.
For two days now my co-worker and I have been saying,
Duh. WINNING!
to each other when something, um, AWESOME, happened at work, i.e. we have been saying this to each other or playing the sound wav. file a lot.
Many of you would argue that this man is far gone, that he needs immediate medical assistance. But I read the highlights of his rants and I cannot help but be impressed by his creativity and command of metaphors:
What they’re not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people. See where that goes.
I’m an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordnance to the ground.
I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words — imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.
These insults are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my sabre.
… People that don’t have tiger blood, you know, Adonis DNA.
I’m extremely old-fashioned, I’m a nobleman, I’m chivalrous. I believe that chivalry is not dead, it’s just been in a coma for a while.
I’m sorry, man, I got magic, and I’ve got poetry in my fingertips.
And yes, you have all heard this golden nugget:
I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.
And seriously, these gems, if they had not been spoken by Sheen, would have been on a t-shirt or coffee mug somewhere:
Can’t is the cancer of happen.
Dying is for amateurs.
There is something to be said about this unabashed optimistic confident outlook on one’s own life and oneself.
I am not bi-polar. I am bi-winning.
I cured it with my brain, with my mind.
The only thing I’m addicted to is winning.
To be 100% honest, once in a while, I’d like to be able to say something like this without any trace of irony in my heart:
I’m tired of pretending like I’m not special. I’m tired of pretending like I’m not bitchin’, a total frickin’ rock star from Mars.
Ok, so at the end of the day, I guess the above serves as further proof he’s manic–depressive. However it turns out, I am going to be WINNING-ing in the office in the near future. Beats the Sad Trombone that we have been routinely using.
p.s.s. I found many applications for this new Internet Meme of WINNING: for instance, I used it this morning when I found the parking spot right next to the train station entrance empty even though I got there late. It could also be used sardonically to explain what some people were thinking when they said something that made everybody else go “What what?!”
This could be used to explain what these people were thinking when they said something that made everybody else go "What what?!"
Double L for Loser
p.p.p.s. You know who gets to say WINNING for realz? Robert Downey Jr. That’s who.
The REAL Comeback kid from drug rehabs and embarrassing arrests
Now I’ve got your attention. This proves that if put in the right context with the right mood implied, ANYTHING you say can be interpreted with a naughty bend. But first, a warning.
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That being said, like a good strip tease, I am going to start with something wholesome… See? Pink roses and fancy china and proper tea time.
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Big Little Wolf over at Big Little Wolf’s Daily Plate of Crazy passed this award to me… this September… Ugh… I did mention before that I am in a P.A. (Procrastinator Anonymous) program right? Thank you for the award. I really appreciate it!
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Next up is an intriguing award from Wendy at Herding Cats in Hammond River. It is British with a distinct British word and should be savored properly in Queen’s English. Since I do have a British-accent-fetish, I enjoy looking in the mirror and saying, “You are bloody brilliant!” and also “Blimey! It is almost 4 months since you’ve received this award. You are a rotten wanker indeed!” Thank you, Wendy!
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Yeah yeah yeah. You are thinking, “Well, one BLOODY does not NC-17 make. It won’t even get you bleeped!” Be patient my lad. Now here come the awards by Rabbit aka Micael over at The [Long] Journey [to the Middle].
Rabbit said to take one or all. I couldn’t choose so I took all three. I am NOT being greedy just indecisive…
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This one is rated PG…
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This is all a big tease, isn’t it? Not so… Quick! Earmuffs!
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This award is NOT censored on my blog and it is still fucking awesome!
But wait, there is MORE!
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Are you ready for this? I simply HAD to share this award with you because I do like me some good licking and besides, Nomi says so…
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So step right up! All of you. Please. Because a 10-inch dick is simply too fucking awesome to not be passed around!
AND I would like to give this award backto Micael because he totally deserves it — I hope I just succeeded in finding a loophole for a blogger to accept and display an award that they created…
I know what you are thinking. You are going to be coy. You are going to be humble. I understand. I’d behave the same way if suddenly a 10-inch-dick award were to be thrust in front of my face.
How about this: How about if we do this for charity? For anybody that brings Nomi home to their blog, a dollar will go to The Global Fund, and another dollar will go to The Trevor Project.*
Do it for Nomi. Do it for the children. And do it, for goodness sake, for the Great 10-inch Dick!
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* Disclaimer 1: I am NO saint. This is in our annual household budget anyway. I know it is uncouth to talk about one’s own charity giving; on the other hand, I do not want to be disingenuous and pretend that I am doing anything extra.
* Disclaimer of the Disclaimer: In the unlikely event that more than the usual number of people come by my blog (Unlikely because Thanksgiving is over and people have stopped searching for turkeyand landing here), there IS a certain cap to the Bring Nomi Home campaign. I hope you understand.
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Linlah @ Corn-Bean brought Nomi home and had a great time with her on the stripper pole. I know you want to do it too!
Micael @ The (Long) Journey (to the Middle), Nomi’s creator, was reunited with Nomi on his side bar (Ok. This sounds disturbing for some reason… But it is really all legit…)
Holly aka Midwestern Mamah @ ARE YOU SERIOUS? (yes, it has got to be all CAPS. That’s how I hear it every time I visit her blog…) has put up Nomi right in her living room. Nothing speaks of holiday cheer than a show girl licking the stripper pole.
Wicked Shawn @ Wicked Girls Think It, Do You? (yes, I do I do!) had some technical difficulty at her house so they ended up doing it on the beach. (By doing it, I meant the PARTY. What?)
“Duff Diddy” @ Dufmanno’s Blog (yeah, I have no idea what Dufmmano means either. Go ask her yourself!) needs a 10-inch dick to complete her fancy tea party and we sent Nomi over to deliver the award. I haven’t heard back from Nomi yet. I guess the tea went long. *wink wink*
The Peach @ Being Peachy is being a peach by setting up Nomi in a gorgeous trailer complete with jacuzzi, heart-shaped bed that vibrates with an overhead mirror. And her own personal bejeweled stripper pole! What’s more: Peach produced TWO 5-inch dicks so they could both have a good time. Nicely done, m’lady. That’s what friends are for…
Remember in the movie Gremlins? No water. No food after midnight. And of course the rules were immediately broken, WTF that nobody EVER EVER listens to those who live in Chinatown? Seriously? monsters were created and hijinks ensued.
Do not feed a closeted egomaniac.
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You never heed the warning.
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Blame this raging Navel Gazing post on Silvia @ A Bourbon for Silvia and Trish @ Patty Punker. They gave me water and fed me food after midnight. So to speak…
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So after they broke the feeding rules, they now want ME, the monster they have created, to follow some rules… Fine. You have to at least obey your own Dr. Frankenstein(s), eh?
Thank the person who gave you the award.
If you have never visited A Bourbon for Silvia, please do. “From here – Under the water” is one of my favorite posts. Ever. It makes you want to go skinny dipping. Not in a drunken teenager and Imma gonna live to regret it way. But in a good, self-realization way.
If you have never visited Patty Punker, please do. She has a foul mouth and is proud of it. But underneath that hardness is one of the softest and truest heart. (Now she’s going to kick my ass for saying this about her…) Her “wtf work bathrooms” is epic. She’s my kind of working woman.
List 7 things about yourself your readers do not know.
Awww. You want me to talk about myself? No. I can’t possibly. I clearly do not like to talk about myself and that’s why I have a friggin’ blog!
Award 5 bloggers who you’ve recently discovered.
Well, this has to wait until I am done talking about myself! Because this post is all about me. ME. ME!!!!!
It took me a while to come up with things that I have not shared with you already…
Ok ok. This is a good one: I am an oversharer. And then I feel guilty for oversharing because I don’t want to burden people with my oversharing. Rinse and repeat.
I am full of contradictions. I am a Closeted Extrovert and a Closeted Introvert rolled into one. Implosion any minute now.
I am hormonal all the friggin’ time. I swear I am affected by the movement of the orbiting Moon. I never fake cry. I can force myself to cry. And when I cry, it is for real.
This is going to make me sound crazy, but I am the most self-deprecating egomaniac ever. EVER!
Like Patty Punker and Wicked Shawn, I *heart* polka dots, so much so that I created a tumblr dedicated to polka dots in May.
I may have minor OCD, as evidenced by my obsession with going through ALL pictures with polka dots in them on google (current count: ~5,900,000). Once I start a task, I cannot stop until I am done. The way I deal with this? Start nothing. Can you see how blogging is seriously affecting my mental health? There is no end in sight to this thing!
I am cynical and gullible at the same time. Or maybe I am just an idiot who has been lucky so far. My brother once told me that he could hear the music by twirling a cassette tape with a pen through one of the holes. I believed him. I was in junior high then, and coincidentally I was the Valedictorian-equivalent in my class.
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Sadly, the time alloted for me to talk about myself, again, has come to an end, today. Now on to passing this award on to five beautiful human beings I have recently met…
Ok. Pause. One more thing you need to know about me…
I suffer panic attack whenever I need to do something like this: choosing, and by this act of choosing, excluding others. THIS has got to be the hardest part for me as a blogger. If I read your blogs, that means I think you are beautiful inside and out. I have very limited time so I am very selective. I may not be by for a while but it is because I have decided to have more sex. Or the attempts any way…
Another thing you need to know about me: I am a sneaky bugger. I have figured out that if you tell people you cannot do something because you need to have sex, people will understand. Oh god, please do not let my kids read this. Or my blog in general.
Here are five of the beautiful bloggers that I would like to introduce you to, if you didn’t know them already:
Mature Landscaping – Southern and liberal. Come on. You know you want a piece of it!
IslandRoar – I swear it is because she is a good writer and not some ulterior motive for being invited to Martha’s Vineyard one day…
Fuck Yeah, Motherhood! – Anybody that uses single motherhood and long-hour job as an excuse for not parenting well should read this blog. She makes it sound so easy even though you know it cannot be easy.
here where i have landed – She came from Asia to the US around the same time I did. She lives in beautiful downtown Chicago. She is a working mom. Not hard to see why I lurv her, eh?
Bar Mitzvahzilla – Jewish and liberal in Arizona. She is fighting a good fight there!
Clarification: A writing/blogging exercise. Not the kind of exercise being vigorously practiced by Barbie and Ken as shown in the photo.
“If tagged, you need to list (and then explain your reasoning) 5 characters you’d like to do the horizontal whiplash with,” according to the bewitchin’ lady lording over the Kingdom of Cookery.
As an over-thinker and an anti-over-sharer when it comes to businesses in my own bedroom, I have been ruminating and debating on my choices.
Digression: Alas, this sort of explains why no fireworks are coming out of my bedroom, or my crotch for that matter. (Hey, I figure I need to throw you some TMIs so you won’t cry foul…)
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I am embarrassed to say, yet obviously not embarrassed enough to lie about it, the first character that came to my mind was…
Father Ralph de Bricassart in The Thorn Birds. Do you remember this popular mini-series in the 1980s? Richard Chamberlain played the tortured priest? Man oh man, for a young teenage girl in Taiwan, that show had some of the most erotic, passionate scenes I was able to witness.
Digression: Ok, my mother did bring me to The Blue Lagoon with Brooke Shields by mistake. Fortunately for my mother, I was too dumb young to understand any of it. The realization of what goes on in that movie came to me out of the blue one day while I was sitting in the classroom in COLLEGE. I went, “Ohhhhhhh………. I got it!”
Forbidden love between a Catholic priest and an impressionable young girl whom he had known since she was four? COME ON! How hot is THAT?
This was of course before the world learned of the prevalanec of child abuse conducted by the Catholic clergy. Looking back now. YIKES. I think I really did throw up in my mouth when I watched again, for the purpose of researching for this post (Seriously, the sacrifice I make for you guys…), the long awaited consummation between Meggie (Rachel Ward) and her relationship with Father Ralph.
The following scene, in 1983, was called “the most erotic love scene ever to ignite the home screen.”
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qc0bF2HMP_E
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Mr. Rochester in the BBC Mini Series, Jane Eyre, played by Timothy Dalton. Another one of my earliest fantasies. This was before Dalton had the misfortune of being James Bond for two measly Bond films and immediately became UNCOOL because almost everybody hated him as Bond.
Mr Rochester
This mini-series was also aired in 1983. I am now convinced that 1983 was a watershed year for me. The year of my sexual awakening. Now that explains the sudden urge to pee when I watched these mini-series. “Ohhhhhhh………. I got it!”
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So… to begin answering the question for realz… I have to start with Fitzwilliam Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. I don’t know why: I seem to have a thing in my fantasy for the aloof yet secretly passionate and protective type.
And I was VERY happy with BBC’s adaptation in 1995 with Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy.
Mr. Darcy
A dripping wet Mr. Darcy. This is a bit too much IMO.
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To further prove that I have a thing for aloof yet secretly passionate and protective type, the one character that gets my panties really really wet is the vampire Bill Compton from The Southern Vampire Mysteries by Charlaine Harris. Oh my lord. I have never ever read romance novels except these books. And oh my lord, let me exclaim again, they are bordering on porn, or at least my over-imaginative mind received similar amount and severity of stimulation from reading these pages.
And it’s not just Bill the Vampire. All of Sookie Stackhouse’s lovers are hump-worthy on the pages: Eric Northman, a vampire that is depicted like a Nordic god, a viking in his past life, with a gorgeous body built like rock and an insatiable appetite for “fun”. Her third conquest, Quinn, is a friggin’ “SPOILER POTENTIAL so I cannot say what kind of animal he is here”! It suffices to say that whichever animal Quinn is, the sex scene as penned by Harris definitely lives up to the said animal’s reputation. Grrrrrrrr….
I read the first six books in the series non-stop last year when we were on the beach for a week. I was addicted. Obsessed. Like a sex fiend. Only came up for air when reality called.
There I was, sitting on the beach in bright daylight, between my mother-in-law and my father-in-law, surround by screaming happy children, reading these words: (And mind you, I am leaving out the MORE explicit parts in this paragraph…)
As I squirmed uncomfortably in my beach chair, I wondered why there was not a sticker on these books (or on any of the romance novels…) and whether anybody could tell that I was being aroused…
“His fingers and his mouth were busy learning my topography, and he pressed heavily against my thigh. I was so on fire for him I was surprised that flames didn’t flicker out of my finger tips. I curled my fingers around him and stroked… I reached between us to put him at just the right spot… I tried to yank him back, but he began kissing his way down my body… His mouth was talented… he turned his face to my inner thigh, muzzling it, his fingers moving steadily now, faster and faster…”
Oooo child. I need to go take a break. Be right back.
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I’m bbbbaaacccckkkkkk! Thanks for waiting. That wasn’t long, was it? So where was I?…
Of course, HBO later, much to the dismay of my panties, adapted these books into the cultish True Blood. Oh yeah, baby. Bill you can bite me any day. Or night for that matter.
Bill Compton: the Un-Vampire from True Blood
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As I am coming… to the end of this post, I want to be really really really honest with y’all. Like 120% honest: I fantasized about having sex with one of the aliens from the movie Cocoon. I don’t even care that the object of my lust shown in the following clip is female so I may be entering the realm of homoeroticism inadvertently. I am pretty sure these aliens can assume any shape they want to be. Maybe I’ll ask that the alien morphs into Mr. Darcy.
Yes. I am lazy. Didn’t I tell you that? I love how in this fantasy of mine a la Cocoon I do not need to do anything. Not even lift a finger. Nada. Oh man. I am excited just thinking about doing absolutely nothing.
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The best part of this award? I get to pass the award along and tag the others to play this game so I can live through your fantasies vicariously. (Yeah, I know. That makes me an uber loser for having to live my fantasies through your fantasies…). What I really wanted to do here is to copy and paste my entire blogroll. Instead, I am going to beg you, implore you, beseech you, “puppy eye assault” you to go ahead, accept this award, own this challenge and write about the five characters that give you that “tinkling” feeling. Or please share by leaving a comment.
In addition, I’m going to round up the usual suspects who I assume would DELIGHT in such an opportunity to talk about the objects of their sexual fantasies. PLEASE DO consider this as my sincere adoration rather than an accusation, ladies! Yes, my darlings. I am putting you on the spot. The G Spot.
Child: It is very annoying to me because my mom is being spoiled and wasting time instead of doing something useful like reading a book.
Mom: Why do you think it’s a waste of time?
Child: Because it is like a computer or Facebook and it is wasting time, not like doing something relaxing like eating lunch or doing work.
Mom: Do you think doing my work is relaxing to me?
Child: No. Because doing your work is something you have to do.
Mom: Do you not like my blogging because you feel I am not spending time with you?
Child: Yes. No. Maybe so.
Mom: What if I say this is my hobby and I really enjoy doing it?
Child: Life’s not fair. Deal with it.
Mom: That’s all?
Child: That’s all. I wanted it to end in a funny way.
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"Oh My Blog!" is the new OMG!
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This post is brought to you by Just Humor Me who shared her new OMB! Award with me. Thank you, Diane! There are rules associated with this award:
A. doing a video blog (vlogging)
B. writing a blog post while in a state of intoxication (drogging) or
C. blogging about your most embarrassing moment (embarraslogging)
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Originally I had this evil scheme of making begging Mr. Monk, my 7-year-old, to vlog for me since he’s been having a lot of fun with Flip video. I made the mistake of forgetting to use bribes not easing him into this idea, instead I ASKED HIM NICELY.
“No.” He said without even giving it another thought. “Here’s your pencil and paper. Go!”
“What?”
“Well, you want to interview me right? Ask me questions. I answer. You write them down. Don’t you know anything about interviewing people, MOM?!”
What did he mean? Writing stuff down longhand? I haven’t done that since, well, grad school!
“How about this? How about if I write your answers down on my blog?”
“What?” He sounded rather indignant, sensing entrapment. “You want to write about me on your blog. Again?”
At the end, the exhibitionist in him won the battle. In fact, I made the mistake of pushing forward with my REAL question:
“Do you not like my blogging because you feel I am not spending time with you?”
After he gave me the deliberately ambiguous answer which spelled out, to me, the real reason behind his discomfort with my new obsession “hobby”, he was rather upset.
“You ruined everything! I want ‘Life is not fair. Deal with it.’ to be my last line! Because I really want it to end in a funny way!!!”
So I manipulated the interview script to give him what he wanted.
“Good. Now can you print it out for me?” He couldn’t wait to show it off to his brother. “Look! These are my words!”
Later when we were getting ready for bed, he penned a poem calling his brother a Computer Geek and a Facebook Freak. Nice I know. But hey, we encourage artistic creativity in this household!
“Mom. I know what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be a writer!”
So… Who is a future blogger in the making?!…
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It is extremely hard to decide whom to pass on this award to since all of you are wonderful bloggers. This may be a tall order: Anybody up to give VLOGGING a try?
Vagina-blogging? I guess we have all (except the handful of male readers I have… I am a sexist now too, I guess…) been VLOGGING all this time.
Alejna over at Collecting Tokens and Holly at Cold Spaghetti host a monthly feature called “Just Posts for a Just World“: monthly roundtables of blog posts written on personal blogs that, in words of one of the founders, “speak to the same thing – the lifting up of our planet and all that inhabit it.” Anybody is welcome to submit a blog post that “reflects or informs others on social justice issues” to the panel. Posts included in the past have come from bloggers that I have come to know and love and who are also frequent visitors here: Amber, Mary Lee and Velva.
After much sorting and reviewing and evaluating, the Just Posts panel has finally decided on the nominees for the Best of 2009 Just Posts. This is a collection of some of the best blog posts on social justice issues that you could conveniently find all in one place. Please if you have time (ha ha ha I know…) do check out the posts, and vote for your favorites if you wish.
Now regarding the someecard I posted at the beginning… one of my posts, All things on cable TV considered, I wish my hotel had porn…is nominated for the Humor category. This post however is not a plea to buy your votes. I really believe that if you have found value in my blog, for sure you would appreciate the posts nominated for this award. I am really honored to be included in the company of such wonderfully-written and well-argued posts. And I am going to proudly display the button here. Peace out!
This post is a belated thank-yous to many of you who have bestowed me with love and support and honors.
Chris over @ Vintage Christine (whose subtitle “I’m not old, I’m vintage” has become my battle cry) sent me a surprise Valentine’s Day gift box.
It went down like this: her cat sat on a card with my name on. Cat nip, my friend. Cat nip.
Valentine's Day Surprise from Vintage Christine
Thank you, Chris, for the wonderful surprise! I would like to tell you that yours was the ONLY Valentine’s Day present I received. But, my lovely husband beat you to it by putting away the Christmas tree without me asking. (Truth be told: I almost got an orgasm when I came home on Valentine’s Day and saw the empty spot where the Christmas tree once was… He does know me very well. Probably too well for our own good…)
Andrea over @ A Little Bit Rock n Roll tagged me in January THIS YEAR to learn “10 things about me”. I am more than 10 kinds of crazy, that’s for sure, but I digress… The first thing you need to know about me is I WUV YOUR BLOG.
A Vapid Blonde @ A Vapid Blondeand Magda @ I’m Just Sayin’both shared with me the “I LOVE YOUR BLOG” award that they themselves have deservedly won. Thank you, ladies! And, at the risk of sounding like a valley girl, I love you crazy women on the coasts. I do!
I LOVE YOU BAAACCCKKK!
To accept this award, apparently I also need to tell you something about me.
Elizabeth, or “Mrs. Darcy” as I like to secretly call her inside my head, @ The Sky Is Fallingalso shared with me her award, “THE CIRCLE OF FRIENDS”.
You complete me. Yes, all of you!
To accept this award, I have to tell you 5 things that I enjoy… This is easy.
Sex
Sex
Sex
Sex
Sex
Well, usually that’s not how it goes down over here. So my second best choice would be:
Thank you Shelli! I especially love the “50 Cents” award as I consider his story of rising from a drug-dealing youth to international renown to be rather inspiring.
Randa over @ Sometimes I Even Amaze Myselfpassed along a beautiful award… Thank you, Randa! Now I also need to tell you 7 interesting things about myself.
I am truly honored that y’all see enough in my irreverent ramblings to stop by my little piece of therapeutic heaven and actually listen to what I have to say, let alone sharing these awards with me. Thank you so much.
Seriously, guys. There really is not that much about me that’s exciting. Whatever I have, I have been letting loose here on this blog. Are you sure you are not bored already?! So after I have done my math and drawn up a Venn diagram, in order to follow all the rules, I will share with you 5 things that I enjoy and 5 more things about myself.
5 things I enjoy that may or may not be within my easy grasp, am obsessed with, and/or covet (in addition to sex and a clean house):
The ocean (or more accurately, staring at the ocean)
Toblerone
The smell of oncoming rain shower on a hot summer day
People watching (preferably in a sidewalk cafe, even better if in Paris…)
Bubble tea (No, Elly, it is NOT ok to mention “Pearl Necklace” to me when I am telling you how much I enjoy Pearl Bubble teas…)
5 things about me (in addition to me being Chinese and ALL THAT this tiny fact indicates…)
I am certifiable anal retentive. I cannot relax until the dishes are done, the floor has been picked up, and “things” have been put away. I have been known to wake up in the middle of the night to clean up the house. That being said, I only need everything to be off the floor. So what if I have 3 hampers of clothes waiting for me to fold? As long as the clothes stay inside the hampers, I am fine with it. I am a Hypocrite when it comes to housework, I guess.
I am obsessed with multi-tasking and efficiency when it comes to housework. I NEVER EVER walk through the house without picking up and putting away anything. I actually plan the next piece of dish I will wash as I am doing the dishes. It is hard to explain. You need to be there.
Things that have profound effect on me in my youth: Milan Kundera’s The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Haruki Murakami’s Norwegian Wood, Wim Wenders’ Der Himmel über Berlin and Hermann Hesse’s Demian (Yes, I am Cliche Himself… Don’t judge…)
I have attempted suicide in high school. No. I really did not want to die.
I can make myself cry on demand. If we see each other, I can demonstrate for you. It’s really amazing.
(HOLD THE ORCHESTRA!)
As a reward for sitting through my lllloooonnnnggggg acceptance speech, I will present the
I GIVE GOOD BLOG award
The best name for a blog award. Hands down.
JennyMac over @ the immensely popular Let’s Have a Cocktail really surprised me when she presented me with this award last… ummm, eh, huh, hmmm, December… (I am very embarrassed… I got distracted by all your wonderful blogs. So stop judging me!)
Following the rules, I get to pass this award along to four wonderful blogs. This is rather difficult since I know way more than four blogs that deserve this award. I have been agonizing over this since last December and I am driving myself crazy over this! No wonder Simon Cowell is always so grouchy. The pressure. Ah, the pressure gets to you…
After making the heart-wrenching process called “drawing names from a hat” (since I do not have a cat like Chris does…), I shall pass this gorgeous, sexy award to the following four hot steamy sexy blogs:
As the rule for the award dictates, I shall go mix up a cocktail for myself and I hope you will be able to do the same. I hope too that you will be able to find time to visit these blogs mentioned above and I am pretty sure you will like what you find there.
Thank you again for the support you all have shown me. Knowing that you are out there really makes my Tron-like existence rewarding and ironically, my life in flesh more bearable.
Through this blog, I got to know a lot of crazy people who likes me for who I am, which is kind of ironic because I am staying anonymous on the Internet with this “persona”, therefore technically they don’t really know WHO I am. Even more ironic, and I am not sure if you put an irony on top of another irony whether that makes it NOT an irony any more or whether it just means I am a lousy writer, is that this anonymity affords me to be honest, free to be who I am. Really, I am just wary of people at work finding out how emotionally unstable I really am since I do try to keep a professional demeanor in the corporate world. So the mask is the real person.
God. I am so witty. So philosophical. So pretentious. I totally scream: Woody Allen Fan! And indeed, I am, my friend. I am.
Nancy over at If Evolution Really Works gave me the above “I HEART your blog” award. I am just going to assume the “heart” means “love” and not because she cries so hard when she reads my blog that her heart starts bleeding or something… It is really tempting to neglect to tell you that the award went to lots of other people, not just me. BUT Nancy made the “award ceremony” in SUCH a creative way, and many of the other blogs that she mentioned (including her own of course) I also adore and am secretly plotting to imitate a la Single White Female,(only that out of these three things, two of them don’t apply to me, but we will deal with that issue later…), THAT I consider it a crime to not tell you about the post in which she gave the award to me, and many many other blogs worth checking out.
I know there are English Teachers amongst you. You know who you are. I am sorry if you are screaming inside your head right now.You can flog me for botching the English language in the above paragraph when we see each other in person. Or you can zap me through the Internet.
This award comes with NO string attached, hence I don’t get to talk about myself. *sad*
I am going to pass the “I Heart Your Blog” Award onto a few wonderful bloggers whose writings help them deal with whatever life has thrown in their ways, and along the way, I get to share a glimpse of their lives and, even better, their interpretations of those moments captured through their writings.
Overly Obsessed with Minutiae is something unique. Stream of consciousness prose. First-person narration directed towards an unseen, mysterious, recipient. Heartbreakingly beautiful at times. The paragraph that got me:
“I tell her no, and she smiles and says That’s good, because I don’t think there is actually anything else that I could offer you! And this is how I feel about myself, now, all the time. I don’t think there is actually anything at all that I can offer you, or anyone.”
The Sky Is Falling is a brand new blog, just started this month, in time for NaBloPoMo. Ever since I chanced upon it through the NaBloPoMo Randomizer, I have been religiously reading it every day. I don’t want to take words from her mouth, but you can learn more about her here. The thing that attracted me to her blog right away is her About Me description:
“I’ll tell you who I’m not: Kaiser Sose. Spartacus. Your father.” Perfect.
Worn Ragged: Mommies on the Edge has a PhD in “medieval gynecology” (I am still not sure whether that is a stand-in for her real major. In the end, I had to admit that you almost need to be there in order to know that it exists…) You will know that she is a great writer: satirical in a way so subtle, so dry, that if you don’t pay attention, you will miss it because it is at the same time sweet, by reading what I consider one of her best posts, Voodoo.
Our Little Peanutis a new mom’s conversation with her miracle baby. Miracle in the literal sense since she survived ovarian cancer and after almost all infertility doctors gave up on her upon hearing that she only had one chemo-treated ovary left, she found out she was pregnant. The reason why I point this out is because, without this backstory, it is hard to understand imagine the joy she now takes in every little thing involving the baby. Even at the most frenzied moments a new mom would certainly face, she manages to show, indeed, that every baby in itself is a miracle. I wish I knew better when my kids were babies to just enjoy their babyhood. Instead I was always wishing them to grow up faster. Faster. Now I live through her dialogs with baby Kai vicariously. Except of course, when poop is involved.
NathanRising also documents a new mom’s life with a baby. I sometimes wonder whether we would have turned out to be different mothers if we had the Internet, especially the blogs, to help keep us sane when our children were babies. And speaking of poop… Jen has no qualms in describing poop accidents. I appreciate her not romanticizing motherhood: poop is a common, and important, subject in any household with a newborn. Say it like it is. And you take the stinks with the sweetness wholesale.
* Or, so late at night. I started writing this post at 6 am this morning. It is 11:58 pm now. Same effect though. Still can’t think of a witty title. Witty is overrated anyway.
** Please: if your blog/style is not the kind for you to acknowledge the award on it, please do not stress. My purpose of mentioning your blog in this post is my way of letting you know, even some of you may not even read this, that you have a fan lurking in the cyber space, to say Thank You. That’s all. Let me borrow what Mrs. Blogalot*** says: “You just can’t keep a good blog down!” Or to yourself.
*** I am waiting for the creation of an award called “Women I would Run Away With” to honor thee.
On 17 October 2009, the lovely Jane over at They Call Me Jane temporarily lost her mind and shared with me another award that she just won. It is displayed below as Exhibit 1 Exhibit 2:
If I don’t end up in the nut house, it is partly because the love and support from a stranger, who no longer feels like a stranger any more, and her name is Jane. I am not saying this because Jane has given me two awards. Two awards! That’s got to count as something, right?! She is one of the most level-headed, fair, rational, understanding, sensitive, thoughtful, and wisest people I have come to know through this thing invented by Al Gore. Her blog is like a fresh breath of air: a thinking blog that does not put your to sleep. And the most important thing is? She is REAL. She is NOT pretentious. She is naturally cool without having to say one single cuss word.
At this point, after reading her blog on a nearly daily basis, Jane can say nothing wrong in my book. If she says, one day, and this is purely hypothetical, people, that she is actually a bunny killer, Imma gonna guess it is the bunnies’ fault. Just sayin.
It took me more than 2 weeks to officially “accept” this award because I have to come up with 7 random things about me. I guess nothing X-rated is allowed… And you all know, at least those who have read my blog on a semi-regular basis (i.e. more than 3 times in the past 6 months), that I am Asian, more specifically, Chinese. There goes my Number 1 through Number 3: Hi, surprise! I am Asian/Chinese. I can speak/read/write Chinese. I like rice. (I DO! DAMN IT!).
Ok. Here it goes, in no particular order:
I am secretly obsessed with angels. As in, I believe in them. Or, I strongly wish they are/were real, even though I am not Christian. I envision them to be the angels in Wim Wender’s “Wings of Desire” (Der Himmel über Berlin). NOT the Nicolas Cage one. Oh, god, no.
I am agnostic because I am too cowardly to make up my mind. I want to have my cake and eat it too.
I am a classic insecure overachiever. Psychotic. A bit bi-polar. I guess I should have added these to my “About” page. Oh well.
Laziness and fear of embarrassment are the driving forces of my life.
I played Lizzie Borden in a play when I was in graduate school. In fact, I played a few other homicidal characters, including Hamlet and one of the women in “Unfinished Women Cry in No Man’s Land While a Bird Dies in a Gilded Cage” who gets to wield an ICE PICK! (I was totally typecast, I suspected…)
Being on stage was the only times when I felt completely free. I miss that feeling with a heartache, barely noticeable except during the night, when I am writing to nobody. Like now.
I also played Billy the Kid (adapted from Michael Ondaatje’s book) and I had the best lines in my acting career:
After shooting Gregory
this is what happened
I’d shot him well and careful
made it explode under his heart
so it wouldn’t last long
was about to walk away
when this chicken paddles out to him
and as he was falling hops on his neck
digs the beak into his throat
straightens legs and heaves
a red and blue vein out
Meanwhile he fell
and the chicken walked away
still tugging at the vein
till it was 12 yards long
as if it held that body like a kite
Gregory’s last words being
get away from me yer stupid chicken
I am kind of depressed now because I just realized that none of these things that I have shared with you I share with my co-workers after more than 5 years working together, in a very small office space. Because I don’t think they are interested in hearing about it.
Without further ado, I am going to pass this award along to…. Drum roll please…
Velva’s food/cooking blog is more than that. She genuinely believes in the simple ritual of sharing a meal as the way we create and maintain a community. Besides, it is always yummy to look at the photos.
On her blog, Jessica comes up with ideas. Lots and lots of ideas. I honestly cannot tell you what her blog is about. But I enjoy reading her ramblings. They make me smile. Her latest “scheme” is to get everybody to come up with a “I am thankful for” list and send it to her before November 24. So why not?!
I think Robin is a bit insane. I said that with affection and as a compliment. She is a woman of many talents: a radio show, a photography blog, and who knows what else. Warning: She is an avid Kevin Spacey fan. So don’t say anything bad about Kevin. Or introduce yourself as Mrs. Spacey. I never know what to expect when I click on her blog every day. But it is always a nice surprise.
Jennifer Lynn is a wildlife biologist. Seriously, I’d never thought I would meet someone in that line of business. She is saving the earth for all of us! And her observations of life are full of interesting perspectives that will make you go, How come I’ve never thought of it that way? (Well, you would have if you were a wildlife biologist. And if you are, do let me know! I’d never thought I would meet TWO!) She is probably going to protest and say, “I don’t write about THAT topic on a regular basis. It was an one-off special edition. Limited time only.” But her post on Elk Vagina, yup, you read that correctly, is educational and hilarious.
Lynn is a great writer. She has a great way with words. And metaphors. (Well, duh, all great writers are good at these things. This is why I am not a good writer). This post is one of my all-time favorites: Four on the Floor. I think she should publish some of her essays. They are that good. This is her personal blog where she can be, well, “insolent”. Her essays are over at “I have measured out my lives in MP3s”.
