Who’d have thought that a post titled “Warning: Do Not Read This If You Are My Husband” would pique my husband’s interest? The man normally does not read my blog posts. He is content to read the ones I forward to his email inbox. But I forgot that he does read my tweets, esp. when he is trapped on the runway after landing. So out of the blue I received this IM from him:
“Cocoon? WTF? LOL!”
BUSTED! Ugh.
This weekend as we sat through the previews before the movie started, he commented as if he were merely continuing a discussion that happened just minutes ago, “I cannot believe you did not include Daniel Day-Lewis! Wasn’t he in The Unbearable Lightness of Being?” which was based on my favorite book by Milan Kundera.
“Well, I did not want to have sex with Tomas because he is an unfaithful womanizer!” So it is true: I ended up choosing the “five fictional characters that I would gladly hump” based on the potential of their leading a Happily Ever After with me. So predictable. So stereotypically… eh… woman.
“Well. I still think you should have included Daniel Day-Lewis on your list.”
“I will find you!” I blurted out the greatest line from The Last of the Mohicans as I remembered how hawt Hawkeye is. Hawt and loyal. Which just make him so much hotter.
We looked at each other and made an ill attempt to recite, “I will find you. No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find you,” the line that brings me to tears every time I think of it. I swooned from the vision of Hawkeye behind that waterfall.
“See? I told you. You should have included him on your list.”
“FINE! If you are so good at it, why don’t you go make your own list?”
Next thing I knew, he had a pad of paper on his lap and a pencil poised in mid-air, looking rather pensive. He put down Number 1 without any hesitation and then jumped to Number 3. This man KNEW who Number 3 on his list should be. Seriously?! As he was stuck on Number 2, the movie we were watching was wasted on him.
Served me right for forgetting that I was dealing with a compulsive list maker. There are pieces of paper with miscellaneous lists scribbled on them hidden all over the house. Too bad he is not a compulsive task finisher. Just sayin’…
Here is the list (the original email text even!) as painstakingly put together by my husband, with my approval. The man has great taste after all… *cough cough* though I was a bit sad that Jessica Rabbit did not make the list.
1. Catherine-Zeta Jones in Entrapment (if you have seen the movie, you know the scene)
2. Gymnast in Blue Thunder
3. Jessica Alba in Dark Angel
4. Michelle Pfieffer as Catwoman, or LadyHawke.
5. Devil’s Advocate — the one Al Pacino wants Keanu to lay at the end… (Christabella, played by Connie Nielson)
Groups
1. The girls of Austin Powers (all three at once) (Elizabeth Hurley, Heather Graham, Beyonce)
2. The Fly girls from In Living Color
If you are scratching your head wondering about the “Gymnast”, no worries. The man was thoughtful enough to include a link to a self-explanatory photo:
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Kind of NSFW…
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Nothing is really showing…
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May also make you feel very bad about yourself…
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Or make you hot and bothered…
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You have been forewarned…
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"This is what you do when you have a super duper high-tech helicopter: You hover outside of buildings where there are naked women doing aerobics."
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LOL about the “leading a Happily Ever After with me” bit. II only make fantasy lists based on those who will not jump straight out of my bed to another listmaker’s bed. Nobody who will make me feel all cheap and dirty. Or gymnasty.
Again, how typically stereotypically nest-y.
Naptimewriting recently posted…Contrarian. Rhymes with Librarian.
Woud LOVE to hear your FIVE. 😉
You guys are hilarious! Off to make my list and stretch a little.
Unknown Mami recently posted…Never Say Never
For real? It would be awesome to see your list!
You are the best wife, ever! I don’t think I could bare to see my husband’s list. (I get kinda jealous of ficticious lays. I don’t know why.) Althought, I’m pretty sure Catherine Zeta-Jones (in any movie) is at the top of my husband’s list, too!
Jane recently posted…When Father’s Day Is A Fat Hen’s Day
CZJ in Entrapment has to be on every straight man’s list!
Not being nice or anything, having fantasy about fictional characters is a lot better than real ppl, esp. Neighborhood hotties!!! 😉
I totally do that move all the time…at work.
Heh, just kidding! Because I work in a clothing boutique…right?!
A Vapid Blonde recently posted…Dear Mike, You Are The Wind Beneath My Wings!
Do you do that movie to demonstrate the flexible material used in the cat suits?!
So I take it from his list that he has a preference for the A in T&A. Have you guys seen Iron Man 2? Even I couldn’t help drooling over Johansson’s A in that movie. Hawt indeed.
It’s awesome that you gave your hubs a forum for his fantasies. Go you!
Justine recently posted…Same ol’ same ol’ is the new wonderful
I personally prefer looking @ hot women. We are just much more beautiful. No offense guys. Hot men make me uncomfortable (closeted prude alert!)
I drool over Scarlet Jo too! I suggested her for the list but alas husb may perfer the one in the comic book version. LOL (Geek alert!)
omg how could i forget daniel day– and night– lewis!!!! the unbearable lightness of being is totally an all-time fave of mine. book and movie. and come to think of it, i should have put lena olin on my list.
he was so hawt in mohicans, my beautiful laundrette and room with a view, too!
pattypunker recently posted…pimpin a painter
Tell me this: do you now or did you possess a bowler hat?! 😉
My husband won’t make a list but I think I’ll make him do it, pretty much any girl with a round face and bangs. He has quite a variety for a list though, I’m impressed. My list constantly changes, I think Jame McAvoy is probably #1 right now.
Robin recently posted…What a Day it Was
He is dreamy in Becoming Jane! I cried so much at that movie, by the end I couldn’t breathe!
Aaah, Daniel Day Lewis in Mohicans. …..
Now I’ve got to see it again.
Maureen@IslandRoar recently posted…American Woman!
“I will find you!!!” I can’t stand watching the movie again b/c of the ending. 🙁 But I will watch that scene over and over again. 🙂
P.s. Thank you for the correct spelling of his name. LOL. Doh! I used to know it by heart. But now I googled it and copied the wrong one. *ashamed*
We’re doing groups now? I’m going to need some astroglide. STAT.
Elly Lou recently posted…Glitter For the Greater Good
When I imagined all the women together, they were just all hanging out, having a jolly good time. I am afraid I may have ruined his highlight reel for him…
Zeta Jones AND Catwoman? He has a thing for asses in black hot pants, doesn’t he? Ha!
TheKitchenWitch recently posted…Welcome to my new home!
At first I thought there is a theme of “flexibility” going on here, then I wondered what straight men won’t like some of these?!?!
When l saw the picture, suddenly l remember the scene from Entrapment.. Holy Mother of God!!
Vanilla North recently posted…Happy Father’s day – again.
That scene from Entrapment is forever seared in the back of my head.